Team Zlayerz RPG: Identity Theft!

[joey_picus]

Having read the Asterix comics myself, I can personally guarantee that short of deliberately shedding our armour and handing the centurions an illustrated guide on robot dismemberment, and then driving very very slowly towards them, there is absolutely no way in the world that it is possible to lose this one.

Still, if at all possible grab some top-ups of that potion, and then basically just attack in whatever manner happens to come to mind, rather aggressively, and this should be done in no time.

[steven_mcg]

OK, it's big battle time - and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

Given that my main weapon, the crushing arm, is a slow mover, I suggest the quicker bots tackle the grunts while I try and take a bite out of the Centurians. They're big, but far fewer in number. With my magical enhancements (whatever they may be) and my low, low front against their high ground clearance, I should be able to take a couple out with some luck, or at least damage them enough for the heavy hitters to finish off.

To war!

[majinb]

a private quest!

sorry, need more time to make up my mind on this one :P

[kodster]

I won't receive half the tactics I need and since I already have over half of the ones I'm going to get... :P

continuing...

It was pandemonium.

The party of Heroes and Gauls strode every which way, sending Roman forces flying. No matter how hard the Romans tried, they simply could not counter the attacks, and soon enough, all the Romans were strewn across the field.

Or so they assumed, until a cry from Asterix roused them. Looking around, they saw that more soldiers were marching up around them. They were trapped, and soon, ten times and more than ten times that of the forces they had already fought had ringed them in a sea of enemies.

25,000...

But it mattered not. Though entirely and absurdly outnumbered, the forces fought on, and just when the magic potion was starting to wear off, they had reduced the entire Roman army to scraps.

The Gaulish army cheered. Not one of them was even lightly damaged, and they began to dance about in celebration. At least until Tengu stopped them.

Uh, I don't think we've truly won yet, he called. It seems as though we'll have to go straight into Rome and defeat Caesar himself.

The Gauls stopped cheering immediately. They looked worried.

What? What's wrong? asked Nitro-Gene.

His...his forces may be weak, but Caesar himself... Vitalstatistix muttered. He conquered our mighty ancestor, Vercingetorix. I am but a tithe of Vercingetorix's ancient strength.

We're heroes, said Nitro-Gene. We're destined to conquer, as you put it, all that is evil.

I'd sadly have to agree with Paul there, supplied Nidhogg. We had put some mighty emperor out of his misery, so Caesar may not be such a threat.

All the same, I bid you be careful, replied the Gaul chief. I do not think any of our forces could aid you; he is vicious.

You're not going to come aid us? demanded Clawdius.

No. I will not. However, I will send Asterix and Obelix to. They have met Caesar before, and have barely restrained his wrath. Also... Vitalstatistix submitted the Titanium Gear he withheld to Asterix. Keep this with you: if by any luck Caesar falls, give this to them. And only use it in dire need, if such need should arise.

Understood, O Chief Vitalstatistix, Asterix turned to the Heroes, with his friend Obelix at his side. Well, friends, to Rome we go!

All right, let's go kick some Roman arse, smirked Tengu.

And so they continued along the path that would take them to Rome...

----

At long last, they found the gates, just as Alex, Frank, Steve, and Joey had before. The path to the dungeons was still there, but boarded up rather clumsily. The two guards outside the gate were also still there, but looking nervous at the sight of Asterix and Obelix.

B-by order of G-Gaius J-Julius C-C-Caesar, none sh-shall pa - AGH!

Move aside, growled Asterix, easily knocking the guard aside, while Obelix dealt such a blow to the other that its entire roof caved in, rendering it immobile.

Crikey, muttered NSBFR-X.

They moved past the gates, into the city which seemed deserted, entering almost immediately into a majestic cylindrical building. Inside was a wide chamber, leading into a hallway not unlike those of the dungeons, but filled at the sides with weapons racked, showcasing axes, discs, spears, spikes, scythes, and other nasty weaponry.

It is awfully quiet... whispered Taki. Even I cannot penetrate the silence.

Yeah, I wondered if we'd be facing more enemies... muttered Nitro-Gene.

You'll soon find out, said Nidhogg. I do hear something, and it's coming from up ahead...

That would be the Colosseum, replied Asterix. We have been here before, Obelix and I. We'll be out in the -

Open.

It was Clawdius who spoke and Clawdius who was first to be utterly amazed. It was a huge, huge circular arena. Great walls grew to marvelous heights around them. Stands were erected above the walls, from which came much jeering and hissing. Above and in front of the heroes, however, was a grand podium. Upon it, his beak upturned, was...

Caesar, Asterix growled.

Impressive, was the first word uttered. You vandals do fail to disappoint, don't you? I never would have dreamed my entire army would have bowed to your powers or chance and luck. Such sport is pleasurable to me.

Why are you so keen on imprisoning the Gauls? snarled NSBFR-X.

Gauls? laughed the dictator. Yes yes yes, the Gauls do seem the mightier, do they not? They will make fine servants. Now, a rebellion which thou fools instigated? That will not do at all.

We're coming up there and beating down your cowardly arse, and you're going to live with it, or not, barked Nidhogg.

Is that so? mused Caesar, with mock surprise. Unfortunately, I have no intention of dueling with any of you. Combat with such volatile weaklings is but a waste of my time. Fortunately, he laughed grimly, there are some of my men and creatures who do have time to kill.

He made a clicking noise, and suddenly, several platforms around the heroes vanished below the surface.

What's this all about?! yowled Die-Ceratops.

You really are meddlesome pests, drawled Caesar, but it is time to know your place. He backed away a few feet and settled down to watch the demise of his enemies...

Coward! shouted Nitro-Gene. Get back over here! I'll -

Paul, interrupted Nidhogg, I think we had best turn our attention to what's about to attack us.

And Joey was dead right. The platforms were indeed rising again, but they were not vacant. Hunting beasts and stocky warriors were occupying them, huger than life itself.

You call that a challenge? laughed Asterix, outwardly masking his concern. By Toutatis, Caesar, you have lost your touch.

We shall see, won't we, Gaul? replied Caesar with another unpleasant chuckle. Gladiators, show them no mercy!

The hunting beasts and warriors charged the heroes...

----

BOSS ENCOUNTER!!!

Hunting Beast x 5
Shape: Growler
Weight: 375kg
Colour: Growler
Speed: 30mph
Armour: 10mm Steel
Weaponry: Jaws that crush and grapple.
Srimech: None

Roman Gladiator Alpha
Shape: S5 Splinter
Weight: 500kg
Colour: Blood-red
Speed: 15mph
Armour: 5mm Ti/V
Weaponry: Grappling arms and axe
Srimech: Axe

Roman Gladiator Beta
Shape: Stinger
Weight: 500kg
Colour: Black
Speed: 25mph
Armour: 10mm Hardox
Weapon: Spinning chain with spiked balls attached
Srimech: Invertible.

Roman Gladiator Gamma
Shape: S3 Hypno-Disc
Weight: 500kg
Colour: Blue with red twirl on disc.
Speed: 14mph
Armour: 25mm 7075 aluminium alloy
Weapon: Horizontal spinning disc
Srimech: Electric arm

Roman Gladiator Delta
Shape: Panic Attack
Weight: 500kg
Colour: Orange
Speed: 15mph
Armour: 10mm titanium
Weapon: Lifting spikes
Srimech: None; spikes don't reach far enough to right it

Roman Gladiator Omega
Shape: The Big Cheese
Weight: 500kg
Colour: Chrome
Speed: 20mph
Armour: 15mm 7075 aluminium alloy
Weapon: Pneumatic flipper capable to tossing 10 metric tonnes easily.
Srimech: Flipper

--------
--------

]Health
Die-Ceratops Re-Invertus = 100%
Push Me Pull You = 100%
Nitro-Gene 4.0 = 100%
Clawdius Decimus Murderous = 100%
NSBFR-X = 100%
Tengu VII = 100%
Nidhogg = 100%

Taki = 100%
Asterix = 100%
Obelix = 100%

Items In Stock
Power Boost (x4)
Super Power Boost
Drive Boost (x2)
Stability Control
Tool Kit
Rebotulizer
Gold Bar
Platinum Bar
Bracing Plates
Blades of Glory

The second chapter boss battle! Bet you thought it'd be Caesar, didn't you? And this time, you have to fight the enemies WITHOUT the magic potion! Keep in mind you have items, and can use them whenever needed.

Objective: Defeat the bosses without letting Asterix or Obelix die.

----

Flick of the Wrist, Tsunami, and Mechavore

Well? demanded Mechavore.

I say...that I will guard Tira, said Flick.

WHAT?! the two realies cried in unison.

And it'll be staying that way, barked Flick, until the battle is won. Now go and help the others.

But -

Seriously, do you want to waste your time bickering? GO!

Mechavore and Tsunami turned to each other, back to Flick, and then turned and made off. Flick sighed and went to the hovel.

What are you doing with that house, if I may ask? asked a random villager as Flick sighed again loudly.

Keeping guard over some weirdo in here, she's not herself, replied Flick.

What do you mean, not 'herself'? questioned the villager.

I don't know, said Flick irritably - what did it matter? She's been violent to us and it seems like she's not supposed to be so -

BANG.

Flick had nearly a split second to react and get out of the way before something massive, something monumental collided with the hovel and sheared it completely off its foundations and sent it flying right past the spot where Flick was, and into Lutetia's main square. Commoners screamed and ran in random directions.

Master...you came for me... whispered Tira.

Wha - WHAT THE... Martijn gasped.

The robot that was before Flick of the Wrist was unlike anything he had ever encountered before; it towered above him, easily double his height; it sported massive blades and seemed to be triangular in shape, at least, if you looked at it from above. But what truly alarmed Flick was the seemingly uncontainable amounts of dark energy it exuded.

How...how the hell am I supposed to fight THIS thing?!? thought Martijn in a panic.

Then the robot before him spoke; it sounded almost demonic, yet something was familiar about it...

Heh. Lookie here. They split up and leave themselves open. How pathetically predictable. I guess it's no wonder with heroes like you, roaming around and sticking your noses in my affairs. I guess he put you all up to it. Oh well. I'll destroy him as well when the time comes.

What are you saying?! yelled Flick.

I'm saying that you're about to become spare parts, Dutchie. The robot began to spin, and within seconds the huge robot was nothing but a blur; Tira got out of the way, in great anticipation of Flick's destruction despite her severely weakened state. Flick was horrified; he'd left himself vulnerable to attack...he didn't know what to do.

----

BOSS ENCOUNTER!!!

???
Shape: Y-Pout
Weight: ???
Colour: Black; dark energy makes him seem even...blacker, I guess. :P
Speed: ???
Armour: ???
Weaponry: Spins on a translational basis; precise damage caused every hit is unknown, but it is extremely likely for each hit to be at least one-hit KO potent.
Srimech: Invertible.

--------
--------

Health
Flick of the Wrist = 99%

Items in Stock
None

Who could this monster be? Obviously Tira's master, but how did he know Flick was a hero? And who's the he this monster's talking about? Fighting it seems impossible; talking to it is vain. Perhaps cowardice is not such a bad idea at this point...whatever you do, it better be quick, Martijn!

[alex_holt]

I'll take Gladiator Gamma.... nice s3 exposed hypnodisc wheels to rip off or buckle, and following that go in to help whomever needs the most help or to fight whoever seems easiest to finish off.

Not going down to some punk robots like these, thats for sure. I'll set everyone else decide what to do with the items.

[kodster]

Matty says hi:

I suggest giving me a drive boost and trying to turn into an uber-uber rammer and try and use sheer force to topple the hunting beasts Storm 2 style as they can't right

just figure that way the rest are 9 on 4 and with the drive boost, I should take out at least a few of them before I get mangled

[dinowarrior]

Hmm....flip any that don't look like they can self-right.

I want to help with the protection, BTW. ^^

If the flippers take out the Hunting Beasts and Gladiator Delta, I'll gladly take on Gladiator Beta. The weaponry doesn't sound too threatening and axlebots are ideal for me to grapple and munch on.

[kodster]

Wow! Lots of tactics! With the obvious exception and Paul of course. And no blaming Frank, he be a busy lad. Anyway...

continuing...

So it began again.

Die-Ceratops led the charge. The first beast that came at him, he overturned. The other four lunged at him, but were soon met by the heroes. The gladiators joined in and soon it was chaos. In a few short seconds, all the beasts were turned over with no hope of righting themselves, but Die-Ceratops was looking mighty tired.

PMPY snatched a Drive Boost and used it up; energy pulsed through its drivetrain and he zoomed about like a crackhead, throwing over Delta almost instantly, but was halted by an ungodly disc smash from Gamma.

CRASH!!!

PMPY was sent flying across the coliseum, colliding with the wall and lying on his back, very rattled, as Tengu moved in, but Gamma was already spinning up again. Elsewheres, Alpha was fending off NSBFR-X, Taki, and Nitro-Gene, as each one moved in to try and attack the sides; Alpha would turn and push the other way and the turn about. Eventually though he was outsmarted and although successfully grappling hold of Taki, NSBFR-X moved in with the spinning bar and smacked him it, causing Alpha to drop Taki, who graciously gave him a taste of her own spinning blade. Distracted, he was unable to fend off a sudden toss from Nitro-Gene, and found himself upended. As he righted himself, Nitro-Gene got in under him and high-centered him. NSBFR-X and Taki obliged, both taking a Power Boost in the process, and soon shards of Alpha were sent across the coliseum. Caesar, watching above, growled his displeasure.

Beta was in a thicket of trouble with Clawdius, or rather the other way around. Clawdius tried to get near, but every time was smacked away by the mace, and was accumulating more damage. At least, that is until Nidhogg flew in and took a blow himself, admitting Clawdius a free grab. Beta was grappled by the wheel and had it completely removed with a mortal scream of pain.

PMPY had gotten back into the game, but was barely able to avoid a flying Tengu as the disc of Gamma hit the anti-spinning ring and sent the ring spinner flying away. PMPY moved in but was unable to take advantage of the delay and got sent flying away as well. Die-Ceratops barged in from the rear, but Gamma turned sharply and nailed the side of Die-Ceratops' flipper, flinging it far and nearly ripping the flipper off. NSBFR-X, Nitro-Gene, and Taki, having finished Alpha off, came in to help, but Gamma sent each one of them flying with major damage. He looked unstoppable...at least he did until Nidhogg came in unawares and chomped into the aluminium rear. However, the force lifted Nidhogg's wheels off the ground, and reversed mighty quick, crushing Nidhogg into the wall.

While this was going on, Asterix and Obelix were dealing with Omega, who seemed to have trouble with the two Gauls. Every time Omega got close enough to one of them, Asterix would back off or Obelix would turn about and cause Omega to misfire, which Asterix zoomed into and wedged Omega long enough for Obelix to pound the everloving crap out of. Within a few minutes, Omega was completely immobilized.

So all balls were on Gamma. Everyone attacked the disced gladiator, and not even it could hold everybody off, but the heroes were weak. At last, a final shove from PMPY stopped the disc long enough for Obelix to pound into it and Tengu to move around and attack the wheels. At last, Gamma, wheels removed and disc bludgeoned, was defeated. The battle was over.

BLAST IT! BLAST IT!!! Caesar was in a right state. How couldst thou have dealth defeat to my elite warriors?!

Easily, said Nidhogg, though he showed signs of wear. Now surrender to the Gauls their freedom.

I say to thee...NEVER! Caesar left the balcony.

The heroes were miffed.

Well...that was dramatic, said Nitro-Gene. The others didn't laugh.

So where's he gone? asked Tengu.

Beats me, said NSBFR-X. Looks like he finally gave up...

I wouldn't be so sure, said Taki. Look ahead.

For the inner doors of the coliseum were opening yet again. And this time, it was indeed Caesar himself. He was battle-ready; armour plating was about him.

Going to smite us personally, are you, or whatever those clichd leaders do? said Die-Ceratops, a little more bravely than he felt.

So you fight us at last, Caesar! shouted Asterix. But the Gauls will never fall!

Your foolish chief was no match for my power, and nor will you upstarts be! barked Caesar. Now meet your maker!

Meet yours! said a voice. Everyone turned to the voice...

Mechavore was there, flanked by Tsunami. Both were totally uninjured, and raring to have a go at the dictator bearing down on the heroes. They went side-by-side with Nidhogg and Clawdius.

You will regret ever imprisoning me in your filth-infested catacombs! snarled Mechavore.

Caesar snorted. So! There is no teaching thy weaklings thine place outside of brute force, is there? Very well!

----

BOSS ENCOUNTER (Part 2)

Gaius Julius Caesar
Shape: Razer
Weight: 825kg
Colour: White, silver plating, with a metallic-green-ish beak.
Speed: 30mph
Armour: 25mm Ti/V, with additional 10mm Hardox plating on the sides and rear for this fight. The beak is S7 tool steel.
Weaponry: Crushing beak, with 50 tonnes of force at the tip, and 100 tonnes at the ram. Said beak has a tail at the rear to lift when the beak goes down.
Srimech: Self-righting wings that take a second to right Caesar.

--------
--------

Health
Die-Ceratops Re-Invertus = 46%
Push Me Pull You = 57%
Nitro-Gene 4.0 = 45%
Clawdius Decimus Murderous = 48%
NSBFR-X = 44%
Tengu VII = 50%
Nidhogg = 60%

Taki = 49%
Asterix = 78%
Obelix = 83%
Mechavore = 100%
Tsunami = 100%

Items in Stock
Power Boost (x2)
Super Power Boost
Drive Boost
Stability Control
Tool Kit
Rebotulizer
Gold Bar
Platinum Bar
Bracing Plates
Blades of Glory

Yep, it actually is Caesar, ho ho. A two-parter! Defeat the chapter boss and you have saved the Gauls!

Objective: Defeat Gaius Julius Caesar without letting Asterix or Obelix die.

----

Flick of the Wrist

Sorry, but I'm not becoming spare parts today! said Flick. He managed to dodge around the giant spinner and make off down the path to Rome...

Hmph. Fool. Running away from death, to death. Will they never learn...you, the monster's voice directly solely to Tira now, who recoiled a bit. What information have you assessed about this flea-bitten place, and of those other zeroes?

They are searching for objects, master, said Tira, a little shamefacedly. I was not able to stop th-

I never expected you to, interrupted the monster, coming to a complete stop. I expected you to delay them long enough so I could 'formally' introduce my...ah, presence. You have done your duty well. You may retreat to Osthreinsburg now.

But...but master, I want to aid you! I don't want to be separated! Tira whined.

Did you not hear me? I said, GO! bellowed the monster; it appeared to summon a static screen out of nowhere, and Tira was sucked through with a scream, as it disappeared.

The massive robot looked about at the ruined square of the village of Lutetia, and of the terrified commoners shaking behind their houses. It chuckled.

Scary easily, don't they...well I suppose there's no point killing time here any longer. I have more important things to kill.

The monster disappeared, just as, many a distance away, Flick of the Wrist stormed into Rome, and into the field of war...

----

BOSS ENCOUNTER

Gaius Julius Caesar
Shape: Razer
Weight: 825kg
Colour: White, silver plating, with a metallic-green-ish beak.
Speed: 30mph
Armour: 25mm Ti/V, with additional 10mm Hardox plating on the sides and rear for this fight. The beak is S7 tool steel.
Weaponry: Crushing beak, with 50 tonnes of force at the tip, and 100 tonnes at the ram. Said beak has a tail at the rear to lift when the beak goes down.
Srimech: Self-righting wings that take a second to right Caesar.

--------
--------

Health
Flick of the Wrist = 100%

Items in Stock
None

Well, Martijn, you have joined with the others, but in mid-battle.

Objective: Defeat Gaius Julius Caesar without letting Asterix or Obelix die.

[dinowarrior]

The main saving grace is that his weapon will be slow. If I can get to the side and flip him into one of the spinners, that'll have his wings off.

In fact, just to make sure, I'm opting that either one of the flippers (like me or Tsunami) or one of the spinners uses a Power Boost.