Mine would probably have to be: 'This is the only autobiography of me you will ever read, as I realise that an autobiography should be a story of your life released when you're getting on in years, unlike Katie Price who seems quite happy to release one every two years just to tell us about all the un-interesting stuff in her life that has happened during that time'

Having said that, I might struggle to get all that on the cover and would ironically probably need two books at least for it to fit.