To be brutally honest, that's as good as I can make them. The only fight even close to the length you want is somewhere in the How Can I Improve thread, somewhere between pages 45 and 49, I think.
Look at the rather one-sided fights Steve, Richard, Joey, Martijn and I have made. They're at least half a page. There's no excuse.
Really, if that's as good as you can make them, then you should either get more help on how to write longer fights, or not write at all, because the battles you have been putting out are much too generic, and won't at all be remembered. Simple as.
At least you're not as bad as Tim, though.
(the following post is what I do, so other people might have other ways of doing it)
okay mark, i think we can all agree that your fights could probably be a bit longer, dont worry though, even though im still relatively new i think (and do correct me if im wrong) i have improved slightly from when i first entered the wonderful world we call fan fiction. and i also think they have steadily been getting longer then that short little first fight in w.a.r
so, here is what i do to help me make my fights that little bit better than the one before:
1: pick a good time to write your fights: about 2 in the morning is not the best of times to write :P nor is it good to write when you have just come back from work/school cos your more often than not completely brain dead (i know i am :P)
2: take criticism well: if someone with as much experience as Kody says that you can improve in some ways- take his advice! the experts did not get to where they are by shouting everybody down and doing the same old thing over and over...people who do that generally have a shorter life span if you will, in fan fic.
3: give it the right amount of effort: i know its good to have lots of fights up but people would rather see a one really good fight than five okay-ish fights...so take your time! and make the fight one to remember
hope this helps
jack
Gravity 5 will have a wheel on top of the robot. So if it gets flipped inside a cpz, it can turn around it's axle and selfright the right wayOriginally Posted by corsair_lightning
Alright... My first attempt at a half-decent fight...
Heat C: The Story So Far:
APOCALYPSE II (3) AND ENVY won their battle after Tsunami was flipped OOTA almost instantly by Apocalypse, while Cyborg 4 was propped against the wall by Envy.
THE 2ND REVENGE OF BLACK DEATH (AND TORNADO won their battle after Tornado rammed both Gyrobot and Terrorhurtz out of the arena!
APOCALYPSE II (3) immobilized The 2nd Revenge of Black Death by damaging one of the motors.
ENVY surprisingly pitted Tornado!
And now:
Apocalypse II (3) vs Envy
Our house robots will be Gearcrow and Auger Henstrom.
3..2..1..Activate!!!
Okay, it's my first attempt at good commentary, and I better get it right, or else the network is going to fire me and replace me with either Kody Kunz, Jack Orr, or Timothy James Sillery... And there's Apocalypse II trying to get around to the side of Envy but failing. Envy strikes back by charging forwards and attempting to get underneath, but the 2-time veteran and 3rd seed is too tough, as it gets underneath the side of the Shane Swan realie, and hurls it into the air! Sam is appalled, however he now realizes what Apocalypse's weakness is: Torsion-sprung skirts! Sam realizes this almost too late, as Envy is thrust into Auger Henstrom's CPZ. As the communist brute attempts to get under, Sam pulls back just perfectly to where he gets underneath the front of Auger, and flips him upside-down. Liam realizes that Sam has discovered the weakness of Apocalypse, and immediately turns towards the realie. Liam rushes madly forwards, but fails to get under Envy, who manages to get around to the side, and rams head on into the side of Apocalypse. I do believe that the spring is once again broken, as the skirt flutters upwards on the damaged arena floor. That's a shame, as Liam used up almost all of his welding wire and spare springs on getting those fixed last season! But why am I feeling sorry for Liam? This is an excellent battle here, as Envy now exploits the damage to the skirt by getting underneath and firing the flipper. Apocalypse II now self-rights, as Envy hits the pit release button. The siren rings, and will we have another upset, as Envy gets underneath the 3rd seed and heads for the pit? No, as Apocalypse II gets off the front, turns to the side, and shoves the underdog 6 feet under, and out of the competition!!!
There should be something catchy involving Envy here, but I'm too envious of my job to let one of those 3 take it...
APOCALYPSE II (3) MOVES ON TO THE SEMI-FINALS!!!
And now, a look at our battle board(If you haven't guessed by now, the winners are in bold):
Heat A
Whiplash (1) vs Iron Awe 5 vs Starfire the 4th vs Elizabeth
Maximum Genocide (6) vs Firestorm 5 vs 259 vs Blue Hurricane
Whiplash (1) vs Firestorm 5
Starfire the 4th vs Maximum Genocide (6)
Whiplash (1) vs Starfire the 4th
Heat B
Storm II (2) vs Boxx vs Terra the 2nd vs Gravity 5
Brutalis 2.1 (7) vs Hyper Death IC vs Mythras vs Plunderbird 5
Storm II (2) vs Hyper Death IC
Gravity 5 vs Brutalis 2.1 (7)
Storm II (2) vs Brutalis 2.1 (7)
Heat C
Apocalypse II (3) vs Envy vs Tsunami vs Cyborg 4
The 2nd Revenge of Black Death (
Apocalypse II (3) vs The 2nd Revenge of Black Death (
Tornado vs Envy
Apocalypse II (3) vs Envy
Heat D
Next Stop, Jupiter (4) vs Ringmaster vs Tilly Evo vs Typhoon 2 GS
CrOoKeD eVo (9) vs Vader vs Beast Boy 4 vs Anarchy
Heat E
System Shock V: Hex (5) vs Mega Hurts L.T vs Cabrakan vs Behemoth
Lockjaw v3 (10) vs Bigger Brother vs Walk Don't Run 5 vs Raven the 4th
Heat F
Deathyboy vs Oh! I'm Dizzy! vs Neo-Mecha vs Pussycat
Pickaxe of Doom vs Razer vs Robin the 4th vs Dantomkia
Heat D will be up next, and don't you forget it! See you next time on another episode of VRW!!!
Since Heat D has been altered...
BB4 - might as well team up with crooked I guess. Vader can't self-right and its weapon did slightly crap. Not to mention Anarchy moves at snail's pace. Get rid of Vader first as it seems to be the major threat.
...why am I writing decent tactics...am I just delusional at the moment, or...
*takes team up*
flip, flip, flip, try not to flopturn vader (no shrimec) over and then try and get anarchy from the sides/behind
if all else fails, wait in the shadows :P
jack
Welcome back to another episode of VRW!!! Today we'll see 8 more machines go against each other in another battle to the death.
Entered by Samuel Park, and seed number 4: Next Stop, Jupiter!!!
A dangerous robot that's pretty much a clone of Warrior SKF, the robot consists of a flipper that's powered by the spinning disc.
Entered by Liam Eliot: Ringmaster!!!
A powerful Battlebot with a deadly spinning rim, Ringmaster hopes to make a circus out of opponents.
Entered by Harry Orr: Tilly Evo!!!
A tough robot with a rear-hinged flipper, however it was hoping to have a grudge match with Mythras, so it could have trouble here.
Entered by Pete: Typhoon 2 GS!!!
Previously the Robot Wars champion, this is the machine as is was when Team Typhoon came to America, defeating Megabyte.
Our house robots will be Gearcrow and Shunt.
3..2..1..Activate!!!
And in comes Tilly Evo, immediately flipping Ringmaster, as Typhoon 2 gets up to full speed. And in comes NSJ, trying to get under the bottom of Ringmaster, and doing so! However, Sam can't flip them yet, mainly because the disc, hasn't gotten up to speed, but it has now, as Ringmaster is tossed into the air and out of the arena!!! Meanwhile, Tilly Evo tries to get underneath Typhoon 2, but instead of being rewarded with a good flip, is punished by being blown away with several large dents on the front of the flipper. Harry looks distraught, but immediately gets back in the game, getting under and flipping NSJ into the air. Typhoon 2 spins up to full speed again, and crashes into NSJ's spinning disc. The crash resounds throughout the arena, as NSJ's disc stops spinning, but Typhoon 2 continues spinning but isn't moving! As The Guardian heads over to count out Typhoon 2, Tilly Evo rams into the air cadets' machine, flinging it through the air, and causing it to start moving again! However Pete's hopes are quickly dashed, as Tilly Evo gets underneath and fires the flipper, sending Typhoon 2 out of the arena and onto the camera tracks!
Ringmaster made a fool, while Typhoon was sucked up...
NEXT STOP, JUPITER (4) AND TILLY EVO MOVE ON TO ROUND 2!!!
------------------------------------------------
Entered by Jack Orr, and seed number 9: CrOoKeD eVo!!!
Ignore the weird capitalization, or you'll be flicked OOTA by the flipper at the front!!! However, the biggest problem is that the flipper doesn't touch the floor this time around!!!
VRW 3: It was flipped OOTA by The 2nd Revenge of Black Death (
Entered by Pete: Vader!!!
The Dark Lord of the Sith returns with a polycarbonate armoured shell and a vertical disc, but it has no srimech at all!!!
Entered by Devon Clouston: Beast Boy 4!!!
Previously a thwackbot, Beast Boy now returns with a spinning disc and better motors, but the tyres could easily be shredded, and it could be flipped OOTA easily.
Entered by Harry Orr: Anarchy!!!
A walking robot, and by all means the most successful real walker in history, the robot has a scoop and axe in the front, and a flipper at the back.
Our house robots today will be Auger Henstrom, and a new house robot: Cyclone!
3..2..1..Activate!!!
And in comes Beast Boy, smashing into Anarchy with the disc, and meanwhile Vader has been flipped over almost immediately by Crooked Evo!!! Crooked now goes after Anarchy, gets under the side, and tries to flip, but Anarchy gets away. It looks like there's been a team-up here, as The Guardian counts out Vader...
1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10!!!
And in comes Auger Henstrom, as the drill forks get in underneath, and churn away at the Polycarb. And in comes Cyclone, at full speed, and getting closer, and closer, and finally charging forwards, tearing away part of the armour and launching the Dark Lord's remains OOTA!!! Meanwhile, Anarchy has axed Crooked Evo, and Beast Boy smacks into Anarchy's polycarb with the disc, sending small fragments across the arena, mixing them in with that chunk of Vader Cyclone blew off. Crooked presses the pit release button, as Beast Boy shoves Anarchy in.
Vader betrayed, and Anarchy turned into anarchy...
BEAST BOY 4 AND CROOKED EVO (9) MOVE ON TO ROUND 2!!!
Alright, the round 2 draw:
CrOoKeD eVo (9) vs Tilly Evo
Next Stop, Jupiter (4) vs Beast Boy 4
Still short, Mark. Meh, whatever.
BB4 - There's a lot more of NSJ for me to hit than of me for NSJ to hit. Using this fact, I'll keep striking his rim until it dies. When it dies, he'll be nothing more than a mediocre wedge.
Alright... Round 2 fights...
CrOoKeD eVo (9) vs Tilly Evo
Our house robots will be Cyclone and Shunt.
3..2..1..Activate!!!
And in comes Tilly Evo, trying to get underneath Crooked Evo and easily doing so. Tilly now fires the flipper, and launches Crooked into the air, and causes it to crash back down. While the 9th seed is inverted, Tilly Evo shoves Crooked Evo into the spinning might of Cyclone, hurling Crooked across the arena and back on its wheels. The 9th seed doesn't look too sturdy, as Tilly Evo again gets underneath and flips. Crooked Evo is once again virulently thrown up into the air. Crooked again crashes down into the CPZ, hitting the pit release button, and sealing its fate. Tilly Evo again comes in, and attempts to shove Crooked Evo into the pit. However, it appears that Jack was faking, as just before Crooked Evo is pitted, it moves out of the way, causing Harry and Tilly Evo to drive themselves into the pit!!!
Tilly Evo got plowed into the ground...
CROOKED EVO (9) MOVES ON TO THE HEAT FINAL!!!
--------------------------------------
Next Stop, Jupiter (4) vs Beast Boy 4
Our house robots will be Matilda and Sgt. Bash.
3..2..1..Activate!!!
Beast Boy immediately charges into NSJ's spinning rim, and attempts to stop it, but the rim spins up too fast, as the green giant is flung away on impact. However, the axlebot's disc has caused some damage to the spinning rim of NSJ, as it isn't spinning at the full 2000rpm it's supposed to. More like 1000rpm, which is still impressive, as NSJ shoves Beast Boy into Matilda's CPZ, as Devon's machine is hit with the flywheel, causing a large dent in one of the hammers. It's still very much in the battle, as it hits NSJ's spinning rim again and again. 1 hit, 2 hits, 3 hits, 4... 5... 6... 7... 8 hits on NSJ's spinning rim. By this time the rim is now spinning at a very very slow 100rpm, and finally stops as Beast Boy's disc hits it. Preparing to test whether it can come in for the kill, Beast Boy now drives itself onto the flipper of NSJ, and is rammed into Matilda's CPZ again, getting clipped by the flywheel again. However, all has gone wrong for NSJ, as it slowly comes to a stop conveniently on the pit now opened by Devon's machine!
Next Stop, Jupiter!!! For NSJ, that is...
BEAST BOY 4 MOVES ON TO THE HEAT FINAL!!!
So, the heat final:
CrOoKeD eVo (9) vs Beast Boy 4
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