How could I Improve pt 2

[Metal Demons]

That robot is dumb.

You'll be traction limited to a ridiculous intent. Your power to weight ratio is ~0.47hp/kg, which is well into supercar territory - a Ferrari 430 in full race spec has about 0.38hp/kg. With those shuffling feet, you will never be able to get the power down.

Also, those motors draw more than 50kw total at 72 volts. 9 battlepacks won't cut it, try about 10 strings of 3 24v 3.6ah - which will total 30 battlepacks, at 55kg of just batteries.

And even those will melt if the motors ever stall - at stall torque they'll draw about 3kA.

The kind of speed controllers you'd need would be insane too - they'd have to be custom jobs using H-bridges of industrial IGBT bricks - add 10kg at least just for the controls.

[corsair_lightning]

Okay...

Sweep Mines, or Die!!!
Weight: 150kg
Shape: A basic invertible box on wheels with scoops at the front and rear, however the sides are slightly rounded.
Colour: Dark Grey, with SWEEP MINES, OR DIE!!! written on both sides in what I call Blowtorch Flame Blue.
Dimensions: 90cm x 60cm x 20cm
Drive: 2 60v LEM-200 motors, powered by 8x NiCad Battlepacks.
Locomotion: 2 Drillzilla-style shuffling fleet running through both the top and bottom of the robot, making it invertible.
Armour: 5mm Hardox monocoque, with 10mm of rubber underneath for shockproofing.
Speed: 15mph
Ground Clearance: 0mm at front and back due to scoops, 5mm at sides.
Turning Circle: 0m
Weapon: 2 solid Hardox snowplow-like scoops that can move slightly vertically, like Behemoth's, so I get good pushing power, but 0mm ground clearance at front and back. The robot also has a bunch of shockproofing around the belts, electronics, and motors, due to the fact that it was originally designed as a spinner killer/rambot.
Srimech: Invertible
Strengths: Shuffler, uses weight advantage, ENORMOUS pushing power, tough armor.
Weaknesses: No active weapon...
Bio: The previous incarnation was nothing more then a freshening. After looking at Chezza's Do or Die, I realized that, well... my pushing power actually sucked. Therefore, I went overkill and decided to use Perm 132 motors to power shuffling feet: a dangerously powerful combination. I later switched to LEM-200s, as the robot produced more hp/kg then a Ferrari race car.

And might I be talking to the FanFic member formerly known as Parassyte? Creator of Byte Size Mini-tourney and the Slapstick League?

[Metal Demons]

No. I'm not an established member or anything, just signed up here prior to starting my featherweight project.

[corsair_lightning]

Oh... Well, just curious. Anyway, what do you think of the modified version?

[corsair_lightning]

Time for a battle revamp...

This battle is a revised version of my first ever battle. While originally a heat opening match, I have turned it into a World Championship match.

Behemoth Evo X vs Intrigue vs Brutalis 1.0 vs Liar 2

From England, Behemoth Evo X!!!
Representing England, the Behemoth boys are back for another war!

Sam: So what are your main weapons on Behemoth?
Kane: Well, we have this titanium scoop on the front, and on top we have this axe.
Sam: (Flash back to House Robot Rebellion Series 7) So, how did you fix the axe after it broke off in the House Robot Rebellion?
Anthony: Well, it took a while, but we have the axe back on. We're veterans of the wars, all the way back to Series 2. The basic concept of the present Behemoth came during series 3, and the top axe came during Extreme.

Weighing in at around 98kgs, and veterans of the wars, with the scoop and the axe. They've had years to refine it, but how strong are those wheel guards, and how well placed is that axe?

From Canada, Intrigue!!!
The Canadian reply to tough armour!

Sam: So...
Kody: So...
Sam: So you have this big axe... Who are you planning to smash it into?
Kody: I'm planning to smash this into Behemoth, but I also want to wreck that Lexan on Brutalis.
Sam: Well, we have seen you in EOTR4, and you have reached the semi-finals, so how does that feel?
Kody: Excellent. I'm on my way to seriously refining this machine.

A very dangerous 99kg machine with an axe that can flip opponents over in the recoil. It has good pushing power and sharp spikes at the front, but no skirts leaves the sides and rear exposed.

From Wales, Brutalis 1.0!!!
A brutal Welsh successor to Panic Attack...

Sam: Well, you have this big flipper...
Liam: Yeah...
Sam: But all the other robots have srimechs...
Liam: I know, but I figure that I can use the flipper to flip them out of the arena. They won't be able to self-right from there... (chuckles)
Sam: Well, might the Lexan be a weakness?
Liam: True; we have some axes such as Behemoth and Intrigue, but if I flip them, the match'll be over before you know it.

A Dantomkia-shaped design with a powerful pneumatic flipping arm, with skirts and weighing in just at the 100kg weight limit, but I can't see the Lexan armour holding up...

From the Netherlands, Liar 2!!!
Looking to deceive the opponents with a flick of the flipper...

Sam: So this is Liar 2. What did the original Liar look like?
Martijn: (walks over to table where the original Liar is displayed) This is it.
Sam: I can't believe I didn't see that... (chuckles)
Martijn: Anyways, we have a powerful flipper, and 2 spikes to make it a thwackbot if need be.
Sam: So you have another weapon if you run out of gas for the first one?
Martijn: Yeah.

A WBC-shaped robot with an equally powerful flipper, it has Hardox wheels and 2 spikes for thwacking, but the side and rear ground clearance could be a problem.

Roboteers, stand by...

There you see the Behemoth boys, captain Anthony Pritchard and weapons operator Kane Aston on the left; on the right, Kody Kunz driving Intrigue. In the other booth, Martijn Benschop on the left, driving Liar 2, and Liam Eliot on the right, driving Liar 2.

And don't forget, audience, we have our house robots in there, like Dead Metal, with the pincers and the circular saw... And along with him, the mighty... Sir Killalot!!!

3..2..1..Activate!!!

And now, the VRW World Championship battle begins! Intrigue coming in, trying to attack Behemoth, While Brutalis and Liar have their own fight. Behemoth now flipping Intrigue with the scoop, Intrigue self-righting. Meanwhile Brutalis is flipping Liar, and pushing it into the CPZ. Dead Metal comes in, and grabs the wheel of Liar, now coming down with the saw, and not doing anything. Liar now away, attacking Intrigue, and Behemoth coming down on Liar with the axe, and not doing anything. Brutalis now getting into the thick of things, and flipping Behemoth, who self-rights using the axe. Intrigue now fires the axe, and goes right through that Lexan!!! Liam looks a bit irritated, and flips Intrigue once, twice, thrice... and now flips him out of the arena!!! Meanwhile, Liar is stuck and being attacked by Behemoth, who is ineffectively axing the top of Liar. It appears to me that Behemoth's axe is stuck in Liar 2's wheel hub, as it pulls Liar towards the pit release button. Liar is frantically firing the flipper and trying to get away, but no it won't, as Liar is shoved into the opening pit by Behemoth, who si shoved in himself by the waiting Brutalis!

CEASE!!!

Intrigue was not intriguing, and Liar 2 had to tell the truth...
BEHEMOTH AND BRUTALIS GO ON TO THE NEXT ROUND!!!

[knightrous]

Okay. Take this as constructive critique.

This is your intro...

Behemoth Evo X vs Intrigue vs Brutalis 1.0 vs Liar 2

From England, Behemoth Evo X!!!
Representing England, the Behemoth boys are back for another war!

Sam: So what are your main weapons on Behemoth?
Kane: Well, we have this titanium scoop on the front, and on top we have this axe.
Sam: (Flash back to House Robot Rebellion Series 7) So, how did you fix the axe after it broke off in the House Robot Rebellion?
Anthony: Well, it took a while, but we have the axe back on. We're veterans of the wars, all the way back to Series 2. The basic concept of the present Behemoth came during series 3, and the top axe came during Extreme.

Weighing in at around 98kgs, and veterans of the wars, with the scoop and the axe. They've had years to refine it, but how strong are those wheel guards, and how well placed is that axe?

From Canada, Intrigue!!!
The Canadian reply to tough armour!

Sam: So...
Kody: So...
Sam: So you have this big axe... Who are you planning to smash it into?
Kody: I'm planning to smash this into Behemoth, but I also want to wreck that Lexan on Brutalis.
Sam: Well, we have seen you in EOTR4, and you have reached the semi-finals, so how does that feel?
Kody: Excellent. I'm on my way to seriously refining this machine.

A very dangerous 99kg machine with an axe that can flip opponents over in the recoil. It has good pushing power and sharp spikes at the front, but no skirts leaves the sides and rear exposed.

From Wales, Brutalis 1.0!!!
A brutal Welsh successor to Panic Attack...

Sam: Well, you have this big flipper...
Liam: Yeah...
Sam: But all the other robots have srimechs...
Liam: I know, but I figure that I can use the flipper to flip them out of the arena. They won't be able to self-right from there... (chuckles)
Sam: Well, might the Lexan be a weakness?
Liam: True; we have some axes such as Behemoth and Intrigue, but if I flip them, the match'll be over before you know it.

A Dantomkia-shaped design with a powerful pneumatic flipping arm, with skirts and weighing in just at the 100kg weight limit, but I can't see the Lexan armour holding up...

From the Netherlands, Liar 2!!!
Looking to deceive the opponents with a flick of the flipper...

Sam: So this is Liar 2. What did the original Liar look like?
Martijn: (walks over to table where the original Liar is displayed) This is it.
Sam: I can't believe I didn't see that... (chuckles)
Martijn: Anyways, we have a powerful flipper, and 2 spikes to make it a thwackbot if need be.
Sam: So you have another weapon if you run out of gas for the first one?
Martijn: Yeah.

A WBC-shaped robot with an equally powerful flipper, it has Hardox wheels and 2 spikes for thwacking, but the side and rear ground clearance could be a problem.

Roboteers, stand by...

There you see the Behemoth boys, captain Anthony Pritchard and weapons operator Kane Aston on the left; on the right, Kody Kunz driving Intrigue. In the other booth, Martijn Benschop on the left, driving Liar 2, and Liam Eliot on the right, driving Liar 2.

And don't forget, audience, we have our house robots in there, like Dead Metal, with the pincers and the circular saw... And along with him, the mighty... Sir Killalot!!!

And this is your battle....

3..2..1..Activate!!!

And now, the VRW World Championship battle begins! Intrigue coming in, trying to attack Behemoth, While Brutalis and Liar have their own fight. Behemoth now flipping Intrigue with the scoop, Intrigue self-righting. Meanwhile Brutalis is flipping Liar, and pushing it into the CPZ. Dead Metal comes in, and grabs the wheel of Liar, now coming down with the saw, and not doing anything. Liar now away, attacking Intrigue, and Behemoth coming down on Liar with the axe, and not doing anything. Brutalis now getting into the thick of things, and flipping Behemoth, who self-rights using the axe. Intrigue now fires the axe, and goes right through that Lexan!!! Liam looks a bit irritated, and flips Intrigue once, twice, thrice... and now flips him out of the arena!!! Meanwhile, Liar is stuck and being attacked by Behemoth, who is ineffectively axing the top of Liar. It appears to me that Behemoth's axe is stuck in Liar 2's wheel hub, as it pulls Liar towards the pit release button. Liar is frantically firing the flipper and trying to get away, but no it won't, as Liar is shoved into the opening pit by Behemoth, who si shoved in himself by the waiting Brutalis!

CEASE!!!

Intrigue was not intriguing, and Liar 2 had to tell the truth...
BEHEMOTH AND BRUTALIS GO ON TO THE NEXT ROUND!!!

You've done about 10 paragraphs on your intro, yet only 1 paragraph for the entire battle... You spend way too much time trying to hype up the battle with scripted voicing and then present very little meat in the battle. I'd be more interested in 1 paragraph outlining the introductions and a 10 paragraph battle that describe every metal grinding moment down to the finals seconds as sparks fly and robots die!

Here's something I cooked up way back in 2004...

My intro:

Welcome to the second thrilling episode of €œThe War of the Writers€. Last time we had an action packed 6-way melee with writers from all parts of the fanfic globe. 5 robots went home destroyed and battled scarred, but one robot stood out victorious. The machine that battled until it was nearly blunt in the blades, Nick€™s Parasite stormed the series and showed them who was boss when it just narrowly won when it pulled a last second maneuver forcing SpinVerter to drive itself into the pit.

Tonight, we have the first round of the all new format for the War of the Writers. The war is now including 9 robots, representing 9 Fanfic Tournaments. The 9 robots have been broken into 3 individual 3-way melees.

The first melee tonight features War of the Writers champion, Parasite up against rookies Hurricane and Uppercut.

Let€™s head down to the arena and get ready for the first explosive round.

Normally a tad long for an intro, but it rehashes the previous tournament

My Battle:

3€¦2€¦1€¦ ACTIVATE!

The scream of Hurricanes rotary engine was all that was heard in the first few as Hurricane charged across the arena gaining massive amounts of speed as it lined up its #1 target, Parasite. Nick was just calmly waiting with Parasite€™s blade spooling up to speed, Hurricane gaining ever closer as Upper-Cut just sat back giving itself the full time to spin up, then just like a Matador taunting a bull with his cape, Nick pulled another infamous last second maneuver and spun out around as Hurricane was about to hit!

Hurricane went from 25MPH-0 in about 0.000000001sec as it blasted into the arena wall. Emma slams Hurricane into reverse, but Hurricane seems to be stuck under the edge of the arena wall! Hurricane€™s wheels just spin and spin, giving off billowing clouds of black smoke in the process, but it just isn€™t going anywhere! Nick plays his cards well and deals a deadly full house as Parasite swoops in, and slashed into the 6mm titanium, giving off an aura of white titanium sparks in the process.

Matty decides to join in the party now that Uppercut is up to max speed and comes in like a vulture to fresh road kill. Uppercut inches closer and closer, the vertical flywheels teeth in a blur as the teeth sink into the titanium! Hurricane€™s back end is lifted a whole 2ft as Uppercut hits and Hurricane now comes unstuck from the arena wall. But Parasite is already there as Hurricane hits the ground and it receives another nasty gash down the side panel.

Uppercut comes in with the flywheel already back to max speed and decides to try its luck with Parasite by going HEAD ON!!! BANG! Uppercut starts shacking violently as the vertical disc goes out of balance. A huge piece is missing out of the disc! Parasite spins back up and goes again for Uppercut, lashing out at the disc and tearing into it.

The disc is torn clean out of Upper Cut!!! Matty has just fallen into a cold sweat now, he€™s totally weaponless! Nick revs Parasite back up again and charges in towards Uppercut. BANG! Parasite is ploughed side on into the wall by a heroic Hurricane. But Hurricanes not finished with Parasite yet, it pushed it away from the wall and towards the open pit. Parasite greet the edge of the pit with it€™s blade as it tumbles in. BUT WHAT THE! Hurricane goes into the pit straight after it! Uppercut came in from behind and pushed it in!

CEASE!

A last minute sneak attack from Matty Haka and a weaponless Uppercut has won them the War of the Writers first Melee!

The crowd boo down Matty for his sneak attack and Dave S doesn€™t look impressed. Maybe a Grudge Match is in order!

Now it's a bit hard to judge my own work, it's best left to others, but I felt at the time I had included enough zest in it to make it enjoyable to read, while providing enough details on what was happening. It was written 5 years ago (on June 20th) and may/may not be my greatest stuff.

Anyway, hope this helps you towards producing some great battles and finishing some tournaments (especially the finishing part!).

[corsair_lightning]

Don't worry. But then again, compare that with the original:

We have seen Behemoth in other series of Robot Wars. still practically the same design with the scoop and top axe.

Intrigue is a rather new robot. With its powerful axe, it can easily destroy other bots.
A good robot from Team ZlayerZ.

Liar 2 has appeared in several minor tournaments, and now is in Robot Wars. It has that flipper we all know about.

Brutalis is a Dantomkia shaped robot, very innovative design. Its weapon is a very powerful front hinged flipper, with about 1000 psi.

3..2..1.. Activate!
Behemoth comes straight into Intrigue, while Liar 2 attempts to get under that ground clearance. Intrigue is now trying to get its axe into those vulnerable sides, BUT BEHEMOTH HAS FLIPPED INTRIGUE! Meanwhile, Brutalis has gotten underneath that 20mm ground clearance, and FLIPS LIAR RIGHT INTO THE AIR! Liar 2 comes crashing down and out of the arena. Brutalis and Behemoth are ganging up on Intrigue, who is fighting back as well as he can while upside-down. AND BEHEMOTH HAS FLIPPED INTRIGUE OUT OF THE ARENA!
The two remain in a nice little tussle, tossing each other around.

Cease!

Craig Charles: Well, Intrigue was not intriguing, and Liar had to tell the truth.
Behemoth and Brutalis, they keep marching on!!!

[joey_picus]

With all due respect, that's a bit like how Napalm 2 was an improvement on the original Napalm...same with your battle writing ability unfortunately, you can try to polish a turd but the sad fact it up until now you have yet to succeed in elevating it above the level of being a turd.

[corsair_lightning]

The battle, or me?

[RogueTwoRobots]

you can try to polish a turd but the sad fact it up until now you have yet to succeed in elevating it above the level of being a turd.

You don't happen to be a fan of the ventriloquist Jeff Dunham and his green-skinned purple-haired monkey Peanut at all do you Joey?