The Tribute To The Tim Tribute Tournament

[joey_picus]

Right...unfortunately, there was a large leak in the arena after the last fight, so the fights will now take place in the arena itself, albeit a slightly damp arena with cardboard covering the hole made by the anvil.

The next fight I will do is...

Opened By Transfer vs. Solstice 2.0/Xianghua II vs. War! HUNH! What is it good for?

ROBOTEERS, STAND BY

Booth 1: Dave Sheppard, Edwin Starr
Booth 2: Kody Kunz

3
2
1
ACTIVATE

Opened By Transfer immediately begins to move out, towards Solstice 2.0 which begins to spin up, but up in the control pod David and Edwin appear to be having some disagreements, and Edwin is climbing out of the cherry picker...down the set, as Kody watches while pondering whether to alert the arena safety people or order a KFC. He picks up the phone and leans back to ask Dave what he wants across the arena.
Edwin has finished his descent, and steps over the barrier into the arena, and walks out to stop in front of Opened By Transfer, which ceases moving. There is an agonising silence, as Edwin produces a hat out of nowhere, Dave stares incredulously, and Kody tries to remember what the address of the arena is.
In the middle of the arena, all the spotlights suddenly focus on Edwin Starr, who clears his throat and begins to sing:

War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again, yall

War, HUNH!, good God
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Ohhh, war, I despise
Because it means destruction
Of innocent lives

War means tears
To thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go to fight
And lose their lives

I said, war, HUNH!
Good God, yall
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

War, whoa, Lord
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

War, it aint nothing
But a heartbreaker
War, friend only to the undertaker
Ooooh, war
Its an enemy to all mankind
The point of war blows my mind
War has caused unrest
Within the younger generation
Induction then destruction
Who wants to die
Aaaaah, war, HUNH!
Good God yall
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it, say it, say it
War, HUNH!
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again yall
War, HUNH!, good God
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

War, it aint nothing but a heartbreaker
War, its got one friend
Thats the undertaker
Ooooh, war, has shattered
Many a young mans dreams
Made him disabled, bitter and mean
Life is much to short and precious
To spend fighting wars these days
War cant give life
It can only take it aw-1>aaaaaaaaayyyyyyy-2>yyyyyargharghargh...

Kody, holding the crowbar in one hand and a box of Crispy Strips in the other, nods with approval as Dave releases his grip on Edwins neck, reminding him that hes supposed to be dead. The robots batteries are all dead, so I suppose Solstice/Xianghua and Opened By Transfer are through, as Dave shakes hands with Kody before trying to find his barbecue sauce.

CEASE

After another fight where the writer didnt bother looking up stats, Xianghua/Solstice and Opened By Transfer go through to round 2!

[kodster]

No problem.

Prediction for the next fight: randomness.

[joey_picus]

Fight 4:

(Martijn entry 2) vs. Verticality vs. Nitro-Gene 4.0

Seeing as how I feel like being weird today, and Martijn hasnt got his second entry in, he will today be driving Brown Trousers Time, an aluminium invertible box with a rear wedge, driven by LEM130s at 36v and a front disc weapon, that is spun from a petrol engine within five seconds to over 60,000 million revolutions per second. Yes, it genuinely is brown trousers time.

ROBOTEERS, STAND BY

Booth 1: Frank Goacher, Martijn Benschop
Booth 2: Paul Cuomo

3
2
1
ACTIVATE

Immediately Verticality begins to spin up, the forces of the weapon making it roll slightly backwards, and as Frank attempts to correct this there is immediately a problem; the combined forces of the disc going effectively backwards and the track going forwards are creating an effect similar to a frenetic and emotionally scarred hamster running up a tired and slippy treadmill - i.e. nothing. Nitro-Gene comes in to try and flip Verticality, but on the other side of the arena, Martijn presses the button for Brown Trousers Times disc to spin up.
What happens next will probably be studied for many months to come, and will go down in history as both a milestone in mankinds technological advancement and a sign of my shaky grasp of physics. As the disc begins to spin to maximum speed, the velocity of it creates an irreversible tear in the space-time fabric of the world, as speeds of over ten thousand miles an hour causing everything around the disc to be sucked into the black hole, the antimatter vortex caused by the spinner. Verticality, with its shaky grip on the arena floor, is first, flying in towards Brown Trousers Time and then vanishing in a flash of magnolia light. Nitro-Genes four wheel drive assists it in clinging to the arena floor for just a few more moments, the flipper firing in desperation, but as the vented gas is flung to the centre of the growing storm, so is Nitro-Gene. Paul stares in disbelief at the scene, while Martijn gasps at what he has created, and Frank makes the fatal mistake of scratching his head, and is torn headlong from his seat and into the zone of rupture before Martijn has the chance to stop the spinning and attempt to repair what he has done.
The rend remains, but the effects are no longer present...that which has been lost, though, cannot be regained.

CEASE

Brown Trousers Time is through to round 2!

[kodster]

You know, Joey, you are probably going to kill me through excessive amounts of hilarity over the course of this tournament

[joey_picus]

Thats the point You shall all dieeeeeeeeee....

[joey_picus]

Either that or he hasnt had the time to take in the awesomeness I have granted upon him. Or something like that anyway...

Next fight: Roveress vs. Twist Of Fate vs. Mega Masher 2

ROBOTEERS, STAND BY

Unfortunately, while Mega Masher and Twist OF Fate are in the arena and ready, Mark Elam and Roveress are nowhere to be seen. Chris and Franks court-appointed-driving-person-after-his-untimely-death-by-brown-trousers are looking confused, and a quick check of the news reveals that Mark and Roveress have been discovered by a Russian space probe, to have somehow ended up in Uranus. This means that Mega Masher and Twist Of Fate will get byes to round two, as once again our heroic writer gets out of actually writing a battle in an extremely cheap way.

Mega Masher and Twist OF Fate are through to round 2!

[paulc]

Lets hope Mark STAYS on Uranus, or even better, goes up his own anus and stays there.

[joey_picus]