*ahem* Welcome, my friends, to the Chevron Championship, series 1. If youve just tuned in, Mechanical Noise is on channel 1, Eye Of The Robot is on channel 2, and Tim Robotourney reruns ore on channel 97, so theres no excuse for you to keep watching this rubbish.

Now, without further ado, may I introduce the competitors for tonights heat:

FIRST, FROM MABLETHORPE, ENVY!
The winner of the Roaring Donkey Tournament, Envy is a very effective front hinged self righting wedge flipper with a very durable Magmotor drivetrain and Hardox and aluminium bodywork. It features a gyro for maximum controllability and is real, unlike most of our competitors, spawned one night in the depths of Mount Doom which must therefore be somewhere in Lincolnshire where there is a lot of beer.

FROM HOLLAND, LIAR 2!
A rear hinged Nitrogen powered flipper that looks like some sort of mechanical rodent, Liar is invertible, can flip either way up, and has those spikes on either side for causing damage as well as overturning. It runs on 2 Lynch motors inside an all-Hardox bodyshell with the weight concentrated at the front, giving a top speed of twenty two miles an hour.

FROM GEDDINGTON, DARKESTAR!
Lost against Envy in the first round of the Roaring Donkey, Darkestar is a tracked machine with independent drive modules and a custom link system to ensure the tracks shouldnt break. It has a triangular vertical disc mounted on a free-moving frame to enable the spikes at the front to get under opponents and bring them into the weapon, and runs on Bosch 750 motors giving it good pushing power.

FROM ENGLAND, AXEON!
An all Hardox monocoque truncated pyramid chassis with Lynch motors powering the drive, Axeon can move at 18mph and packs a punch with that max pressure Nitrogen driven axe with 30 hits in a match, with two sharpened points that come down with such force it has an electromagnet system to stop it jumping in the air from the recoil! It has skirts to stop opponents flipping it, and can self right as well.

FROM BEDFORD, SITHIS!
Sitihis is a ninety centimetre diameter invertible cylinder with 4 wheels powered off Lynch motors and NiCd batteries, with Vulkalon treads giving it lots of traction and a top speed of 15 miles an hour. The weapon 48v Briggs & Stratton motor driving a spinning outer rim weighing 20kg with half of that in the teeth, capable of transferring 80 kilojoules of energy when it hits.

FROM ORPINGTON, NITRO-GENE!
Finally, another Nitrogen powered flipper with 4 Lynch motors driving the wheels, Nitro-Genes weapon runs from two gas canisters and can throw quite a bit with almost two tonnes of force at the front. The ground clearance is protected by titanium skirts and the robot itself is armoured in tough 5mm Hardox with an invertible body shape designed to reduce the attack power of heavy spinners.

Now, the rules are simple. First, the six robots will enter the Gauntlet, where they will attempt to get to the end. The one who performs worst is eliminated, and the remaining five move on to the trials, where once again, the worst performing robot will be eliminated.

Then, the remaining four machines will pair off and go head to head in the arena, and the winners of those fights will then face off to determine who will return for the Grand Final at the end of the series. The Gauntlet will be happening in a moment, as it took me half an hour to get through the introductions.