Im going to get this out of the way, NOW, so that I can move to my RPG thread. Melissa has tactics in (through MSN), and Richard...doesnt, though this doesnt matter at all.

Thats right, its the final battle none of you would have guessed at the start of the tournament.

FINAL BATTLE

MING HIGURASHI vs. DIOTOIR

All house fighters particpate in this. You thought only two would be here?! Are you madder than me?!

Ming jumps forward immediately with her bottle of oil and matchsticks but as we all know Diotoir can use plot twists to suit his needs. Just as Ming is about to toss the oil at Diotoir, a said plot twist occurs, and the oil becomes water, which washes all over Diotoir and strangely causes his fur to grow. Then Diotoir charges at Ming, but this is no known Diotoir charge, thanks to some jet engine upgrades and superior handling applications being used to power Diotoir from a random point in the galaxy, which the Diotoir boys somehow nicked. Ming is tackled and falls to the floor, but gets up quickly and striking a match throws it at Diotoir. The result is satisfying in Mings eyes, as Diotoirs fur immediately ignites and the entire robot is on fire within a few seconds. Suddenly the flames go out, and Ming blinks in confusion. Diotoir however planned it perfectly thanks the fire-retardant enclosed fur, and tackles Ming again taunting her. Ming falls down again, but then she decides to play as low as Diotoir. She hauls out a laptop and begins to read a thread called The Wars Incarnate. What is going on? She smiles, turns off the laptop, and begins to chant something in some sort of East Asian-language. Within seconds she has taken the form of a death adder. Diotoir is bewildered, and Ming strikes with deadly precision and acceleration but Diotoir still has the jet upgrades and before Ming can even get halfway to the spot where Diotoir was he drives around and runs right over her. The adder rolls over, apparently dead, as Diotoir gloats, but then suddenly turns into...Thomas the Tank Engine?! Diotoir is surprised by this, but unfortunately for Ming Thomas isnt possessed by the Anti-Christs soul anymore and Diotoir easily smashes it with another charge. Due to another plot twist his fur sets on fire again and Thomas is aflame, and after a few minutes all thats left of Thomas is smouldering remains. Diotoir is sure hes won now and to rid himself of all cares starts to dance; due to his upgrades he spins around at a velocity so high all he can see is a blur, that is until a mechanical claw grips him forcing him to stop. He looks upon a maniacal face of Dr. Ivo Robotnik in his Egg-O-Matic.
Within seconds Diotoir realizes: Ming is using the previous finalists of Alex Holts Wars Incarnate to acquire forms for herself and defeat the Irish bot. Diotoir is actually impressed with this strategy but its not going to stop him from granting Ireland its greatest honour ever. Within seconds he has taken the form of a cat with adamantium claw-upgrades, but Nick comes by and explains to him that adamantium is just fictional piece of metal that doesnt exist. Diotoir mauls Nick and afterwards tells him that this is a fictional tournament, so adamantium can exist. The problem is that nobody knows what its made of and therefore it could be made of anything. Nick gets up and wonders why he was slashed across the face with cotton swabs and leaves the arena. Ming however is switching tactics, and has now taken a form of Firestorm V. Diotoir laughs, because in his new form that metal thing couldnt even touch him. However as we all know in the rules of Robot Wars, heavyweight robots can only fight heavyweight robots and this causes a plot twist in which the cat turns back into Diotoir, and without jet engine upgrades or handling boosters, because the rules state heavyweights robots must be under 100kg and those upgrades would certainly weigh him down considerably. This also means that Diotoirs paradoxes causing him to weigh 25,000kg are also negated, and he reverts to his Series 5 self. Firestorm charges and getting under Diotoir flips him immediately, returning to the form of Ming. Diotoir is in a pitiable state now but silently realizes he has unwittingly hatched a plan. Within seconds the agents of Mentorn Inc. enter the stadium and surround Ming as Diotoir self-rights, shouting all sorts of babble about breaking the rules of roboteering and stuff like that. Ming goes to kill all the agents but they are protected due to the fact that they, sadly, represent a very popular British television production company. The agents start to beat down on Ming but suddenly a group of people enter the arena whom the agents were long doomed to face: all the fans of Robot Wars. The fans string insults at the lawyers and call it unfair justice to remove a program so suddenly from the network because they didnt like it but the lawyers counter-attack with low popularity ratings. Unfortunately this is because they themselves ruined the show and the fans counter-counter-attack using that as a basis. The agents are quite silent as this dawns upon them, moments before they are sucked up by one of Frank Goachers plotholes.
Back to the real fight, Ming and Diotoir have brought their own allies to the party: Mings loyal fans and friends (on the Gaia network) and countless anime characters whom she herself is a fan of, and Diotoir of course brings in all the competitors of Robot Wars of Series 1-7, and of the Roaming Robots competition. Among them is the real Firestorm V. They engage in what is probably the most epic battle yet. However robots can only be controlled by real people, and as the anime characters come to that realization there are only a few of them left because the robots seem so much cooler and deadlier. Ming also realizes this and destroys all the radio controllers that are directing each of the robots, except the Diotoir boys dont seem to be there. Could it be that Diotoir is working on its own? But since Diotoir got stripped of its plot twist-induced abilities this cannot be the case, and Ming at that fateful moment decides to take out Juicy Fruit and chew on a piece. Wherever the Diotoir boys hid is unknown, but they seem to have come forth at last. Peter Redmond asks Ming if she still has some gum on hand. Ming pulls out her small package of Juicy Fruit pieces and gives them to each member of the team. The Diotoir guys share a laugh and prepare to return to their spot...just in time to see Ming lifting up Diotoir and putting it onto its back. Without the members controlling Diotoir it cant self-right, and through an explained plot twist Ming turns into Refbot and starts to count Diotoir out! Peter and the rest of the Diotoir race back towards one of their favourite cafes in Dublin but its too late!
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...
+2>10!
As the number 10 flashes, Ming returns to her original form, smiling widely. Apparently her usage of plot twists has made her an extremely random competitor too. Diotoir lays on its back pathetically and is unable to acknowledge defeat as Ming kicks him off the stage. An announcer somewhere is about to say CEASE, but Kody strangles him before he does so.

Diotoir takes 2nd place!!!

But...

+1>Ming Higurashi wins the ATTTWI!!!!

Hooray.

So...

4th - Stingray
3rd - Professor Vengeance
2nd - Diotoir
1st - MING HIGURASHI

This brings an end to what has been a completely ridiculous tournament that was mind-numbing to write. I guess I will have to do another ATTTWI, eh? Thanks a lot.

Oh, and congratulations, Melissa. Its not quite a gold medal you had in mind, but its something, right? Better luck next time, Richard. I love Diotoir, but I couldnt resist a conclusion like that, it was...gold.

Thus ends the ATTTWI. Thank you for particpating. I hope I havent given you nightmares for the next 6 months, or made you think about my senility status.

To be continued...?