Rapier vs. Mini Fridge

House fighters are Asterix and Ancalagon.

The Wing Commander fighter jet lands down at one end of the arena. The Rapier looks rather like an Arwing from the StarFox series, but thats for another story. The mini-fridge sits at the other end, looking rather futile and weak. The operator of the Arwing looks confused, as though he thinks the opponent is not there. Then he sees the fridge sitting all by its lonesome. Immediately he fires one of the Rapiers multi-missiles right at the appliance. There is a tremorous BOOM as the missile connects with the fridge, and the operator is satisfied to see a great explosion and cloud of smoke from the area where his opponent once was.
However, when the smoke clears, he cant believe his eyes. The fridge has not moved at all, and absolutely no damage, no sign of impact has been made save for pieces of the missile which lay all around the fridge. The operator gets out and inpsects the fridge. He notices that someone had crazy-and-super-glued AND duct-taped the bottom of the fridge to the arena floor. All of a sudden the door opens, and a light can be seen inside. The Rapier operator looks inside of the fridge and gets a fist in the face. Ironically, that fist is a boxing glove made of titanium, and it knocks the pilot right onto his head, cracking it like an egg. This should have won it for the fridge however the Rapier jet itself is still intact. Since neither of the fighters are now able to move on their own, Asterix gets into the Rapier and Ancalagon picks up the Mini Fridge. Asterix looks around. The buttons are pretty complicated, yet hes pretty confident and pulls a few switches and buttons. Unfortunately technology is rather hard for our little gaul friend to understand and the Rapier ignites it thursts, bolts backwards off the arena and ejects Asterix from the seat. The Rapier keeps on going backwards until it hits a star and supernovas it, obliterating itself.

Mini Fridge advances to Round 2!

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Al Gore vs. Hammer Brother

House fighters are Hamlet and Taki.

The American presidency candidate and the Koopa with the helmet and really dangerous hammer square each other up. Then they charge headfirst, completely linear with one anothers paths. Unfortunately for Al Gore, he forgets that the Hammer Bro. brought his helmet to the match and so they collide with a sickening collision. Al Gore bounces away, his head severely damaged by the confrontation with his opponent, and shakes his head. The Hammer Bro. raises his hammer but then Al Gore remembers that he invented everything, and sues Nintendo $2.5 million for their item damaging him. The Hammer Bro. is forced to sell his helmet to avoid being caught up in the whole deal. Al Gore then calls up his bodyguards and hires more bodyguards in a swindle that gets him more money. The Hammer Bro. is surrounded by bodyguards but isnt fazed because hes faced the likes of Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi and gotten plenty of experience out of it. Like lightning he tosses hundreds of hammers at the bodyguards, and hitting their shades, destroying them. Unfortunately for Gore those were secretly the bodyguards shades made by them without him knowing it and so he cant sue the Hammer Bro. at all. The bodyguards run off the stage crying, their precious work has been destroyed thanks to that evil turtle, but now Al Gore is left helpless. He looks this way and that, looking for a way out but the Hammer Bro. closes in and puts the idiot in a stranglehold using the handle of his hammer as well. Al Gore suffocates and falls to the ground deceased, and Taki kicks him into a plothole leading to radioactive spiderbots.

Hammer Brother advances to Round 2!

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Tekkaman vs. Barney

House fighters are Exa-Gore-Ic and Obelix.

Tekkaman glares at Barney; this must be some sort of evil organism disguised as a happy purple dinosaur. Unfortunately for Barney Kody REALLY hated him as a kid and decided not to check up on him or his stats at all for this tournament, and so allows Tekkaman to do what he wants. Tekkaman rushes forward with his spear and sticks it through Barneys stomach. Loads of white stuffing fluff out. Then Tekkaman gets into a fight cloud with the dino, from which more stuffing flies in great clusters. The fight cloud dissipates where Tekkaman is standing around a circular mound of white stuffing and purple cloth. Tira applauds from the audience and shockingly gets a glare from Tekkaman.

Tekkaman advances to Round 2!

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Fighter vs. Danish cartoonist

House fighter is The Watcher.

The swordsman wanders about. Hes not on Final Destination, but on a barren field, which is an appropriate name for it seeing as its bare of anything except ground. Fighter wanders about until he sees something moving in the distance. Its a wain being moved by people. Fighter rushes towards the wain, the fire of battle alight in his eyes, but when he gets closer all he sees is the Pope, resting peacefully in the front seat. Then suddenly one of the people lets a yell and points at Fighter. Fighter is confused by this but even more so when the Pope awakens, sees Fighter, and begins pointing at yelling him too. Fighter unsheathes his sword and charges at them all, when suddenly he hears a rumbling behind him. He turns, and yells himself; theres ten thousand Danish knights in armour running right at him! Hurriedly Fighter runs away, but the knights are rather faster than he is, and then overtake him, and slash at him. He falls to the ground and is jumped upon by the Danish knights. The last thing he hears is the Pope yelling at him...
Back on Final Destination, the Danish cartoonist shows The Watcher the comic he just made. Its about a soldier getting chased by Danish knights and the Pope. The Watcher glares at him and snatches it away from him, devouring it in one of his three-beaked heads.

Danish cartoonist advances to Round 2!