Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

[steven_mcg]

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
BEAVIS VS Sociology
Sociology is a very vague subject. As such, Beavis will be lured into a false sense of security at the start of this fight. So, when he starts getting cocky and lets the snarky insults fly, BAM! Out come Karl Marx and Max Weber to lecture him on the mechanics of communism and social class structures! Even us smart uni people found that a chore, so God help someone like Beavis!
In a worst case scenario, spring a surprise exam on him.

A half-eaten bacon sandwich VS PROFESSOR VENGEANCE
Trying to eat a contestant never does any good in these tournies. Keep at a distance, set the cane to flamethrower and burn that bacon to ashes.
If all else fails, throw it to the House Fighters and see if they can digest it.

[almost_there]

Yay! The most powerful red and black spotted, highly flammable thing in the universe has advanced to round 2!

[kodster]

Yay! More fights!

Sociology vs. Beavis

House fighters are Hamlet and Asterix.

Beavis, to put it bluntly, isnt too smart. In fact, if you put a maggot beside him, the worms SAT score would double Beavis. Therefore neither of the house fighters can figure out how he can possibly defeat one of the hardest and most irritating subjects of university. Beavis gets a piece of paper and studies it for a second. Then he immediately sticks it in his mouth and eats it, wiping his face with a vegetarian pizza. Unfortunately that was Hamlets pizza and so Hamlet walks over to Beavis and belts him in the back of the head with the hilt of his rapier. Beavis is knocked out cold and hits the floor.
Just I am about to declare Sociology the winner, Beavis eyes flicker open. He gets up, brushes himself off, pulls out a book and begins reading. Within seconds he is talking to Hamlet who decides not to tell Beavis about the blow. Stunningly, the blow from the rapier has given Beavis a big jolt of intellect. Hamlet and Beavis discontinue their conversation and Hamlet disappears.
Suddenly, Hamlet reappears holding a rock. Beavis takes it from Hamlet and looks at it. Then he throws it off of the stage and declares himself the winner. The audience is extremely confused, but Hamlet lets them know what happened.
I went back in time, and changed their names. So now Rock is a subject taken at university and Sociology is a piece of earth.
In the audience, Steven McGregor scribbles out the subject name Sociology and puts beside it Rock.

Beavis advances to Round 2!

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Professor Vengeance vs. A half-eaten bacon sandwich

House fighter is The Watcher.

The Profs cape swirls menacingly as he comes into the arena, power surging through his veins. At the end of the arena he espies a lone sandwich, half-aten, with bacon sticking out. Prof. Vengeance raises an eyebrow at this rather pathetic sight, and then grabs his trusty cane to burn the sandwich to ashes.
All of a sudden, there is a cry in the audience. The Prof. turns around to see one of the house fighters bouncing into the arena. Its Big Mac, and for another sandwich, he sure looks mad. He complains to the Prof. that the sandwich right there was his long-lost sister and that he couldnt possibly destroy one of his family or hes kill him. Vengeance laughs at him and sets the cane to flamethrower mode. Big Mac speaks to The Watcher. The Watcher then lets out a deadly, shrill cry from his three heads.
Suddenly Prof. Vengeance turns to see all of the house fighters surrounding him, except Big Mac, who is guarding his apparent sister. Vengeance laughs no more, but keeps his eyes fixed upon his enemies, his cane at the ready. Cortez is the first to break the silence, lunging at the Prof. with his sabre. Vengeance parries the blow seeing Cortez is invulnerable. He blasts Taki out of the way with a zap from his cane but Tira grabs him from behind and pins him. Just as Ancalagon is about to step on him, there is a yell from Big Mac. Ancalagon flew forwards too fast and the mighty beat of his wings sent the bacon sandwich flying into space. Ancalagon is arrested by the dragon police, but breaks out a day later. The other house fighters release Prof. Venegance, who glares at them coldly and walks away, his cape swishing around him.

Professor Vengeance advances to Round 2!

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Slipknot vs. The most harmless, cute and innocent thing in the universe

House fighters are Tira and Cortez.

The most harmless, cute, and innocent thing in the universe sits there. No one knows what it is, or what it does. Corey Taylor, lead vocalist of Slipknot, motions to his band to start playing Duality, but something stops them. Apparently they cant play such a violent song in front of this thing, whatever it may be. Suddenly, the thing says I love you. in a extremely cute voice. Slipknot twitch at hearing this comment, and Corey Taylor goes to stomp it. Be my friend, says the thing, and Taylor falls backwards, breathing hard. A dark soul like his cannot endure this onslaught of friendly statements. The entire band run up to defend their leader but the cute thing replies Well be best friends. The band scream in agony, and fall backwards like Taylor, holding their heads in agony. The cute thing continues its verbal assault. Just as Slipknots ears start to bleed, Tira runs up and grabs the thing, sealing its mouth shut. There is a slight pause as everyone looks at Tira. Tira grins evilly and goes under a large cardboard box, taking the thing with her. Loud ripping and tearing sounds come from under the box, and a second later Tira gets out, and smiles at the crowd, stuffing in her mouth. It seemed that the most harmless, cute, and innocent thing in the universe was just a stuffed teddy bear.

Slipknot advance to Round 2!

[majinb]

tactics

Fighter vs. Danish cartoonist
Draw a offensive cartoon, and sign it Fighter. Lets see how my nemesis will deal with all those people wanting a piece of him.

[kodster]

More fights later today...I hope.

[kodster]

A gold pocketwatch vs. The City Wok Owner

House fighters are The Sickness and Big Mac.

The Owner laughs at the pocketwatch, which just sits there, doing nothing, just ticking away the time. Such a harmless thing it seems to be, the Owner picks it up and stares at it. Maybe he could sell it and become rich...or maybe make a franchise of pocketwatches! All this is driven from his mind as the pocketwatch slips out of his grasp and lands on the floor, and breaks. As the pocketwatch isnt destroyed or smushed into powder yet, Kody decides not to declare the Owner the winner. The said Owner cries out in anguish, as all his hopes and dreams are lost...but not yet. He decides to fix it, and so gets out a wrench, a screwdriver, a flashlight, and some No Doze and spends about 48 hours straight trying to fix the thing. At last he finally does so, and the pocketwatch looks as good as new, but the Owner has taken the toll of 48 straight hours without sleep or sustainance, and even with the No Doze the Owner twitches, has a spasm, and keels over, still as a stone.

A gold pocketwatch advances to Round 2!

Might have more up later.

[dinowarrior]

MINI FRIDGES TACTICS
See the video the entry came with.

[pcbore]

Unfortunately for Martijn, no-one would ever believe Fighter actually managed to draw something (unless it was a sword). Especially not something that managed to concsiously offend people

[kodster]

Rapier vs. Mini Fridge

House fighters are Asterix and Ancalagon.

The Wing Commander fighter jet lands down at one end of the arena. The Rapier looks rather like an Arwing from the StarFox series, but thats for another story. The mini-fridge sits at the other end, looking rather futile and weak. The operator of the Arwing looks confused, as though he thinks the opponent is not there. Then he sees the fridge sitting all by its lonesome. Immediately he fires one of the Rapiers multi-missiles right at the appliance. There is a tremorous BOOM as the missile connects with the fridge, and the operator is satisfied to see a great explosion and cloud of smoke from the area where his opponent once was.
However, when the smoke clears, he cant believe his eyes. The fridge has not moved at all, and absolutely no damage, no sign of impact has been made save for pieces of the missile which lay all around the fridge. The operator gets out and inpsects the fridge. He notices that someone had crazy-and-super-glued AND duct-taped the bottom of the fridge to the arena floor. All of a sudden the door opens, and a light can be seen inside. The Rapier operator looks inside of the fridge and gets a fist in the face. Ironically, that fist is a boxing glove made of titanium, and it knocks the pilot right onto his head, cracking it like an egg. This should have won it for the fridge however the Rapier jet itself is still intact. Since neither of the fighters are now able to move on their own, Asterix gets into the Rapier and Ancalagon picks up the Mini Fridge. Asterix looks around. The buttons are pretty complicated, yet hes pretty confident and pulls a few switches and buttons. Unfortunately technology is rather hard for our little gaul friend to understand and the Rapier ignites it thursts, bolts backwards off the arena and ejects Asterix from the seat. The Rapier keeps on going backwards until it hits a star and supernovas it, obliterating itself.

Mini Fridge advances to Round 2!

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Al Gore vs. Hammer Brother

House fighters are Hamlet and Taki.

The American presidency candidate and the Koopa with the helmet and really dangerous hammer square each other up. Then they charge headfirst, completely linear with one anothers paths. Unfortunately for Al Gore, he forgets that the Hammer Bro. brought his helmet to the match and so they collide with a sickening collision. Al Gore bounces away, his head severely damaged by the confrontation with his opponent, and shakes his head. The Hammer Bro. raises his hammer but then Al Gore remembers that he invented everything, and sues Nintendo $2.5 million for their item damaging him. The Hammer Bro. is forced to sell his helmet to avoid being caught up in the whole deal. Al Gore then calls up his bodyguards and hires more bodyguards in a swindle that gets him more money. The Hammer Bro. is surrounded by bodyguards but isnt fazed because hes faced the likes of Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi and gotten plenty of experience out of it. Like lightning he tosses hundreds of hammers at the bodyguards, and hitting their shades, destroying them. Unfortunately for Gore those were secretly the bodyguards shades made by them without him knowing it and so he cant sue the Hammer Bro. at all. The bodyguards run off the stage crying, their precious work has been destroyed thanks to that evil turtle, but now Al Gore is left helpless. He looks this way and that, looking for a way out but the Hammer Bro. closes in and puts the idiot in a stranglehold using the handle of his hammer as well. Al Gore suffocates and falls to the ground deceased, and Taki kicks him into a plothole leading to radioactive spiderbots.

Hammer Brother advances to Round 2!

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Tekkaman vs. Barney

House fighters are Exa-Gore-Ic and Obelix.

Tekkaman glares at Barney; this must be some sort of evil organism disguised as a happy purple dinosaur. Unfortunately for Barney Kody REALLY hated him as a kid and decided not to check up on him or his stats at all for this tournament, and so allows Tekkaman to do what he wants. Tekkaman rushes forward with his spear and sticks it through Barneys stomach. Loads of white stuffing fluff out. Then Tekkaman gets into a fight cloud with the dino, from which more stuffing flies in great clusters. The fight cloud dissipates where Tekkaman is standing around a circular mound of white stuffing and purple cloth. Tira applauds from the audience and shockingly gets a glare from Tekkaman.

Tekkaman advances to Round 2!

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Fighter vs. Danish cartoonist

House fighter is The Watcher.

The swordsman wanders about. Hes not on Final Destination, but on a barren field, which is an appropriate name for it seeing as its bare of anything except ground. Fighter wanders about until he sees something moving in the distance. Its a wain being moved by people. Fighter rushes towards the wain, the fire of battle alight in his eyes, but when he gets closer all he sees is the Pope, resting peacefully in the front seat. Then suddenly one of the people lets a yell and points at Fighter. Fighter is confused by this but even more so when the Pope awakens, sees Fighter, and begins pointing at yelling him too. Fighter unsheathes his sword and charges at them all, when suddenly he hears a rumbling behind him. He turns, and yells himself; theres ten thousand Danish knights in armour running right at him! Hurriedly Fighter runs away, but the knights are rather faster than he is, and then overtake him, and slash at him. He falls to the ground and is jumped upon by the Danish knights. The last thing he hears is the Pope yelling at him...
Back on Final Destination, the Danish cartoonist shows The Watcher the comic he just made. Its about a soldier getting chased by Danish knights and the Pope. The Watcher glares at him and snatches it away from him, devouring it in one of his three-beaked heads.

Danish cartoonist advances to Round 2!

[majinb]

w00t, Wild Horses is next

Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady you know who I am
You know I cant let you slide through my hands

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldnt drag me away

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldnt drag me away

I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I dont have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Lets do some living after we die

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, well ride them some day

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, well ride them some day