Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

[kodster]

Hooray! My 600th post marks another fight!

And since I know who XS3 is, Ill tell you. XS3 is a wrestler/smasher who has a nifty set of wrestling moves and magic attacks. Looks a lot like Edge: http://www.wwe.com/superstars/raw/edge/photos1/2007rawphotos/020507edge1.jpghttp://www.wwe.com/superstars/raw/ed...20507edge1.jpg

Now then, onto the fight!

XS3 vs. Bender

House fighters are Cortez and The Sickness.

Bender looks at his opponent, one who is streaming with the very energy that infuses the mortally injured warrior back to full health. XS3 slowly walks up to Bender and punches him right in the gut. However due to all the stuff Bender has stolen this protects him from the very solid and immensely powerful fist of the wrestler, but nonetheless Bender falls backwards onto the floor. Bender gets up, pulls back his own fist and wallops XS3 in the chest. Unfortunately the magical energy of the wrestler is too great for our metallic friend and the fist crumples up as it meets the body of XS3. XS3 laughs at Bender and proceeds to bash his head in. Bender suddenly pulls out a 5L bottle of Alexander Keiths and gulps it down like nothing. The Popeye theme plays as Benders arms grow huge, metallic muscles. He throws XS3 away, but XS3 gets right back up. Bender charges with a cry of You can bite my shiny metal @$$! XS3 stands his ground, and just as Bender is within a foot of the wrestler, XS3 lets out his devastating Rage of the Storm attack which fries the central processor of Benders unit. Bender then totters around like a drunken Scottish fellow, taking swings at air. At that moment a treasure chest falls on top of Bender crushing him. XS3 looks behind him to see Cortez.
Whyd you do that? says XS3.
He stole my treasure! growls Cortez, who lifts the treasure chest off of the flattened bot, opens Benders compartment and puts his beloved booty back into the treasure chest. XS3 shrugs and walks off. The Sickness glows ominously at the other side of the arena.

XS3 advances to Round 2!

[majinb]

Ming Higurashi vs. A bat out of hell, tactics

The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling
Way down in the valley tonight
Theres a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye
And a blade shining oh so bright
Theres evil in the air and theres thunder in the sky
And a killers on the bloodshot streets
And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising
Oh I swear I saw a young boy
Down in the gutter
He was starting to foam in the heat
Oh baby youre the only thing in this whole world
Thats pure and good and right
And wherever you are and wherever you go
Theres always gonna be some light
But I gotta get out
I gotta break it out now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When its over you know
Well both be so alone

Like a bat out of hell
Ill be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell Ill be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell Ill be gone when the morning comes
When the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlights shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
Ill come crawling on back to you

Im gonna hit the highway like a battering ram
On a silver black phantom bike
When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry
And were all about to see the light
Nothing ever grows in this rotten old hole
And everything is stunted and lost
And nothing really rocks
And nothing really rolls
And nothings ever worth the cost
And I know that Im damned if I never get out
And maybe Im damned if I do
But with any other beat I got left in my heart
You know Id rather be damned with you
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Dancing through the night with you
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
If gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night with you

Oh baby youre the only thing in this whole world
Thats pure and good and right
And wherever you are and wherever you go
Theres always gonna be some light
But I gotta get out
I gotta break it out now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When its over you know
Well both be so alone

Like a bat out of hell
Ill be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell Ill be gone
Like a bat out of hell Ill be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlights shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
Ill come crawling on back to you
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
Ill come crawling on back to you

I can see myself
Tearing up the road
Faster than any other boy has ever gone
And my skin is rough but my soul is ripe
And no ones gonna stop me now
I gotta make my escape
But I cant stop thinking of you
And I never see the sudden curve until its way too late
I never see the sudden curve until its way too late

Then Im dying on the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell
And the last thing I see is my heart
Still beating
Breaking out of my body
And flying away
Like a bat out of hell

Then Im dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell
And the last thing I see is my heart
Still beating
Still beating
Breaking out of my body and flying away
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell
Like a bat out of hell

[kodster]

Chastity Dingle vs. Google

House fighters are Tira and Exa-Gore-Ic.

Chastity wonders where her opponent is. She checks her watch and sighs; shes going to be late for the next episode of Emmerdale, and man she wouldnt want to be around the director late. She starts tapping her foot anxiously, when Tira walks over to the impatient lady and sets a computer in front of her, whiles Exa-Gore-Ic wires up some cables into the computer. Chas stares at the computer screen, and opens the Internet. The homepage that comes up is Google. Chas eyes widen, and she types in how to destroy Google but unfortunately the owners of the company are forbidden to give away family secrets and all that comes up is the homepage again, surrounded by hundreds of ads. She screams in frustration, but then suddenly gets an idea. She takes out a cellphone and starts chatting away to her lawyer. Another black limo arrives thankls to Ancalagon who briefly shows up and then leaves, and out steps Chastitys lawyer and two other men in black suits. Tira raises an eyebrow at this ridiculous sight as Chas starts talking with the people, the two of which are, indeed, the owners of Google. The owners are stricken when they find out that they have been posting illegal images of her on the net and are forced to turn over the rule of the company to her. And so the battle goes away from the arena as Tira and Exa-Gore-Ic turn and look at the audience with blank looks. Suddenly they destroy the entire audience, just for their amusement. Whiles this was going on, Chastity was having a celebration party in her new office, and was just getting ready to make a business deal with Sega (to unintentionally mess up the Sonic series ever further) when theres a knock at her office door. She opens it and is immediately struck down by a green beam from the cane of Professor Vengeance who has a look of pure hate on his face.

Google advances to Round 2!

[kodster]

Lo and behold! I give unto ye three more fights!

Monoxide vs. Dethklok

House fighters are Hamlet and Obelix.

Okay, so we have two artists. What do we do? BAND BATTLE!
Monoxide stands up and gets ready to sing Lite It Up from his own single album even when he was in the band Twizted, but before he can sing a note, Dethklok come out flying with a song called Go Forth and Die. Monoxide starts to fiercely bellow out his song, and now both bands are going at it, playing their hearts out. Hamlet and Obelix sit at a judges table nearby, but there are only two judges. Taki is called in and sits in the third seat that was previously empty. Anyway the bands finish their tracks and now its time for the judges to make their decisions...Craig Charles, Tim Green, and Bil Dwyer are sitting in the audience eating popcorn. Firstly, its Obelix who comes up to Dethklok...and gives them the thumbs-up. Then its Hamlet who goes up to Monoxide, and gives him the thumbs-up. The audience cheers, and they fall silent. Everybody now has their eyes fixed on Taki, who stands between the two bands. She walks up to Dethklok, and they smile smugly. Taki extends a fist, and gives them THE THUMBS-DOWN!!! Everybody gasps...and at that exact moment Taki, with blindingly-fast speed, kicks all the members of Dethklok in the groin before hurling them off the stage and away, where they fall into a plothole, which spits them out into a desolate pit, and are devoured by anthrax-infected chinchillas. Monoxide stands there amazed as Taki raises her hand into the air and gives the rock-out sign whiles the audience cheers. Obelix and Hamlet give each other blank stares, and then shake Monoxides hand.

Monoxide advances to Round 2!

----

Ichigo Kurosaki vs. A giant radioactive harpischord

House fighters are The Watcher and The Sickness.

The harpischord sits in the middle of the arena, despite its size looking innocent and lonely. Ichigo stares at it for a second, and then takes out Tetsa Zangetsu and slashes right through it, halving the poor instrumental figure as it crumples before him. However the molecules that made it up were of some unknown atomic element and Ichigo gapes as the molecules reform and the harpischord is left standing there. Before Ichigo can even breathe again, as though invisible hands were playing on the piano-like piece the harpischord begins playing Beethovens 5th symphony in D-minor. At first it seems like nothing but then the music becomes louder and louder, eventually reaching such a pitch that everybody in the audience goes unconscious for a brief period of time. Suddenly Ichigo powers up, and uses the power of his reitsu to become his hollow form, an evil being unaffected by such little things as sound. The sound becomes even more unbearable, at least to the others, but Ichigo leaps forward and tackles the instrument off the stage. The music stops as the harpischord plummets to its doom.

Ichigo Kurosaki advances to Round 2!

----

Pussycat vs. Red Dino Thunder Ranger

House fighters are Ancalagon and Cortez.

The cat stares at its surreal surroundings; is this one of Alexs weird spiritual realms? But then Kody reminds the cat that its his tournament, that theyre using a set arena as the stage, and that the cats forgot its contact lens. A triceratops in the audience sniffles audibly, and everybody, even the Red Power Ranger, stares at him. After a few seconds, the triceratops runs away embarrassed. The cat and the Power Ranger turn their attention to each other now, and the match gets under way. The cat lunges at the Power Ranger, giving a feral screech as it flies through the air gracefully. The Power Ranger attempts to kick the cat but the adamantium claws of the cat latch onto the leg of the Ranger and scratches at him mercilessly. Everybody in the audience averts their eyes as the sounds of screaming and yowling reach their ears. When they turn back, the result is not surprising at all: the cat has ripped the Ranger, quite literally, into subatomic molecules using its atom splitting upgrades in its claws. Frank walks away from the audience snickering. Ancalagon, out of boredom, randomly starts breathing fire and accidentally torches Cortez, who emerges unscathed.

Pussycat advances to Round 2!

[dinowarrior]

THE BOXS TACTICS

Open up, spewing out all the clones. The S.I clones will yell Crikey! A Goth! and leap on it, whilst the E.K clones will run over its toes with their little motorcycles.

[razerdave]

Goths tactics: use the Tanto to slash the tyres on all the EK clones bikes and tornado spin into the SI clones and slice him to ribbons and feed him to the nearest crocodile. If that fails stamp on them with his size 14 foot

[kodster]

A box filled with miniture Steve Irwin and Evel Knievel clones vs. A goth who wields a tanto

House fighters are Asterix and Big Mac.

The goth comes into the arena, wielding his huge tanto. The box sits there...and sits there...and sits there...finally, Asterix goes over and kicks the box. The box suddenly coughs up millions...no! BILLIONS of Steve Irwin and Evel Kinevil clones! The goth seems surprised, and starts to slash and slice at the clones but more just keep coming. The Steve Irwin clones have miniature crocodile nets and braces, and the Evel Kinevil clones take out their motorcycles and drive towards the goth with flaming brands. They pummel him into a pulp but then Asterix starts his attack. They try to take out the house fighter but Asterix, despite his size is just too powerful for the clones to overcome. The now heavily-beaten-up goth grabs the Big Mac that lies nearby and slowly eats it. A vacuum appears on his back for no apparent reason...the goth looks confused, but then turns the vacuum on.
At once the vacuum activates, its pull exceedingly strong, and the SI and EK clones squeak in dismay as they are pulled towards the vacuum and in; however, its not a normal vacuum, and the clones are pulled into a plothole which leads to the space vacuum and freeze to death. The goth then kicks the box off the stage.

A goth who wields a tanto advances to Round 2!

----

A ninja vs. Myzery

House fighters are Taki and The Sickness.

The ninja is pretty confident. Before the last fight he was taking lessons from the cast of Naruto and what the bloody hell is an idiot rapper going to do against him? Myzery doesnt like the ninja for some other reason than having to fight him, and proceeds to bust out some tunes. The ninja uses some clone jutsu and makes many copies of himself, but Myzery keeps on rapping, not quailing at all, not even bothering to look around him. The ninjas charge, but Myzery starts to dance as he raps, and the ninjas miss him, collide with each other and form the original ninja, who looks dazed. Myzery keeps rapping, throwing punches in his moves as he does so. The ninja staggers back, weariness slightly forming inside of him, and leaps up high for a lightning-speed take-down attack. Myzery twists around, and the ninja ends up face-first in the ground. Myzery then stomps on him, still rapping, and picks him up and throws him across the stage. The ninja really is peeved now, and decides to use his last resort. He throws a smoke-bomb down into the ground, disappearing. Myzery takes no notice, about to end his song, when suddenly the ninja appears above him and plants a device on the back of Myzerys head. The ninja doesnt know what it is, having stolen it from somebody in the audience before, but he hopes it helps him. Seconds later, webbing bursts from the device, cocooning Myzerys head in sticky threads, and the rapper falls to the ground, flailing about, trying to rip the cocoon off but its very sticky, and has hardened to beyond even metallic proportions. The rapper finally loses air and the ninja throws him off the stage.

A ninja advances to Round 2!

----

Diotoir vs. Santa Claus

House fighters are Cortez and Obelix.

The spotted Robot Wars veteran moves about, its mad face grinning sinisterly at his opponent, who sits there in the sleigh. However this is not the Santa Claus we all know and...know. This is in fact the robotic Santa Claus from Futurama, made my MOMs friendly robot company. Ho! Ho! Ho! booms the killer Claus as he stomps out towards Diotoir with a machine gun. He throws a lump of coal at Diotoir but it bounces off and does nothing to even the red and black coat. Then it explodes under Cortezs feet, signifying that it was in fact a hand grenade. Claus growls at this irritating sight, and then pumps out lead at the veteran; however the Diotoir boys made a last minute installment to Diotoir, adding about a centimetre of hardox 750 to the outer shell. This means that Diotoir is completely immune to the bullets that the killer Claus fires at him. The bullets bounce off and hit Obelix, who seems also to be immune to the spray of bullets but thats because they were slowed down when ricocheting off of Diotoir. Diotoir now goes on the aggressive, scooping Claus feet and tipping him over. The Claus falls forward with a grunt and right on top of Diotoir, who carries him over to Obelix. Obelix puts both hands together and brings them down hard on the Claus head. The head is crumpled completely and Claus cant see. He stumbles about randomly and is suddenly trampled by a herd of winged zebras. The robotic reindeer cry out in fear before jumping off the stage to their doom.

Diotoir advances to Round 2!

----

And now for a fight that me, Melissa, and Martijn have been eagerly awaiting!

Ming Higurashi vs. A bat out of hell.

House fighters are Tira and Ancalagon.

Ming smirks. She fingers the handle of one of her katanas, anticipating the arrival of the opponent. No little winged rodent could possibly conjure up enough power to defeat her, she smiles. Suddenly, a vortex opens up in the air, and Ming stares at it. Its surrounded by fire and is a black even blacker than the deepest night. And out of the vortex flies a bat.
The said bat is huge. Its massive, hairy body is flanked by two giant leathery wicked wings, which when spread out make a wingspan of 75 feet. Its eyes are a deep crimson and its long fangs are stained red. It gives a sickening screech as its clawed feet strike out at Ming who whisks away behind the bat. The bat turns, but Ming jumps at the head and slashes the nose of the creature with her katanas. However, the skin and hide of even the nose of the bat seems to be impenetrable, and the scratch fades as the bat screeches again and tackles Ming. Ming dives away just in time, and lets fly a beam of light from her katanas as she brings them down into the ground. The beams strike the beat dead center but again the bat is uninjured by the assault. Ming frowns; this fight isnt going how she wanted it to. The bat waits for its prey to come near, and bares its fangs, hoarsely growling. Ming chants a prayer, but the resulting wave from above also is uneffective. The bat charges and finally is able to pin Ming. It screeches again, in her face. Ming again chants a prayer, and this time her katanas glow blue instead of white. She plunges them into the bats stomach, and finally the bat is fazed. The katanas pierce the hide and seek into the innards of the hell-sent creature. The bat roars in pain and blows itself backwards, Mings weapons still stuck in its belly. Ming then takes out a steel fan and slashes the bat right from the head to the belly. Needless to say, the bat keels from the sky and lands head-first into the stage floor, defeated. The katanas dislodge from the bats belly and lay in front of Ming. The vortex reappears and sucks the bat back into the fiery depths of hell. Ming breathes heavily, and then stands up, more than surprised at the power of her opponent even though she beat him.

Ming Higurashi advances to Round 2!

More soon!

[tacoman]

Woo! Two out of two!

Well, may as well post some tactics for my next fight.

Half-eaten Bacon Sandwich V Professor Vengance

The Prof will go to eat the sandwich, at which point the sandwich will use its KUNG-FU POWER! WAPOW! to lodge a crumb in the Professors brain. Its a pretty big crumb, so itll kill him.