Ah, isn€™t time displacement a funny thing€¦. Not only does it only seem like days since I last posted, but I€™ve conveniently forgotten everything that came before, leaving only names€¦. The slates are€¦. Well slightly ruby, but at least not caked in the blood of the damned as previously€¦. So we continue

Dragonzord/Megazord vs. Samurai-Aaron-type thing and Glen Rose

The two Zords are somewhat despondent about this for two reasons. Firstly they recently watched a documentary among Zord communities which showed the pervasive stereotype that Zords are only really seen in the public eye as mindless brawlers. Secondly the time warp has had the effect of rusting them somewhat, which makes them move somewhat like arthritic old people€¦except colossal and made of metal. Not ideal. With this is mind, they sit back on a gargantuan bench and complain to each other about how things back were in their day. Aaron rushes in with a whirring set of slashes, which although with an awesomely deadly katana fails to make a mark, essentially only have an effect comparable to pelting a heavy tank with a sharpened plum. The Zords tut more, back in their day, there wasn€™t this kind of violence. They blame computer games, and television, and films, and an increase in the olive industry, and immigrants, and a move away from centralised religion. Aaron has begun scaling the Dragonzord, ironically enough, inspired by videogames, having played Shadow of the Colossus just a bit too much. The other Zord notices, and now empowered with a Zord sized daily mail, swats him lifeless with a single colossal thwack. Glen watches it all on television over a cup of tea and a slice of sponge cake.

DragonZord/Megazord Advance!

Sasha and Sandy Cheeks vs.Rudolf and the 10th Planet

A little known fact about Christmas related almost-deities is that their powers wax and wane dependant on how far away Christmas is€¦. As we are entering into December now Rudolf is almost at his peak€¦ The tiger and the squirrel are hesitant, their mere scale compared to the planet is miniscule, so they begin collecting a series of nuclear devices. The planet, unable to think, not having any kind of anatomy which would provide such luxuries, remains oblivious. However, all is not lost for the hapless planetoid. Rudolf teleports in, his blazing celestial powers churning through him like the heart of a sun, except cold, wintery and Christmas theme. Fortunately, as a white tiger Sasha has a +10 resistance to Christmas themed attacks as she is very vaguely festive herself. The beams impact harmlessly just vaguely irritating the carnivore. Rudolf charges his beam to maximum, but its ricochets of Sashas pristine white snowy fur into the 10th planet, which plummets down, impacting directly onto Sandy Cheeks. Somehow as a cartoon character Sandy is unharmed, and tenuous cracks form throughout the planet before it shatters.
That seriously sounds like an advantage for Sasha and Sandy, but you neglect the billions of tons of magma that fall out the centre of the planet, incinerating both Sasha and Sandy and encasing their minimal remains under a billion tons of cooling igneous rock.

Rudolf and the 10th Planet Advance!

Robotnik and Vengeance vs. Asterix and Obelix

A battle of Gaul and Guile to be sure. With this both sides begin stealing apple gals from the surrounding woodland and pelting each other with them. For super villains and heroes they are slightly weirdly inclined to follow typos on a schedule€¦ Its kind of like a snowball fight, except with mossy clumps of insect larvae cases€¦ Most peculiar. Suddenly, the guile section kicks in, and Vengeance sneaks around the back and drops a few of the wasp gals into the brewing potion while no one is looking. The fight continues for a while. Obelix somehow manages to find a gigantic 30ft wide gall and throws it at the two villains. Somehow, reality diverges and then reconverges for an instant, so it both hatches into a single gigantic wasp, and also billions of normal wasps. Robotnik enters into one of his robot and grapples the huge one with his drill hands while Vengeance whirrs through the air slashing arcs in the swarm. Then suddenly something dreadful happens€¦ even as the battle goes on things start to change - distort if you will, the battle between the wasps and villains is so specific that the whole world seems to be gradually turning into generic manga! Colours flatten and subtleties disappear, a agonising selling occurs in everyone€™s eyes€¦.their very bone structure begins to distort€¦For Asterix and Obelix, their malleable already cartoony form makes the transition painless and they both grab some extra potion, even though Obelix is forbidden it, knowing now is when they must strike. However, here Vengeances plot kicks in, and they find themselves sprouting insect wings and wanting to create insecticide nests and lay eggs€¦ Their skin toughens and becomes like an exoskeleton€¦ Vengeance smirks, and from his utility filled Vengeance-belt, grabs and insecticide grenade and hurls it into the midst of his rivals€¦ Indescribably improbable explosions of half mutated organs later, two figures remain standing.

Professor Vengeance and Dr Robotnik advance!

Old Age Mutant Ninja Turtle and his Golf Caddy vs. Mario and Luigi

Known only to a select few, the Golf Caddy did not reach his current status by just being a loafer. The rite to becoming a true Caddy is long and hard, and perilous, thousand die for every one that qualifies. Then, once you have the training, you must defeat an old Caddy to steal his title, for if you have to many caddies, then you have too few golfers and the world would descend into madness! The previous Caddy won his title by defeating the previous Caddy to bear his name in a seven week long continuous duel atop Mount Kilamanjaro during a thunderstorm. He has had metal plates in his skull since that day, he almost got beaten to death before by chance he managed to impale his rival on a five iron and send him toppling to oblivion. Unfortunately lost in thought, Luigi lodges an axe in his skull, and he topples to the floor. The caddy force passes on and enters Luigi, and then he comes to realisation, that A caddy and golfer are closer than brothers themselves, so without arousing any suspicion he then lodges in Mario€™s ribs€¦ A few coughs late €˜Luuiiigi! We were brothers!€™ Luigi shakes his moustachioed head.
€˜Mario, you do not understand: the faces may change, but the caddy is eternal!€™
Mario then fades out of existence, pixels drifting apart on the winds€¦The turtle wakes from his nap and looks confused.

Old Age Mutant Ninja Turtle and his Golf Caddy Luigi Advance!

Now there were four. Join me in around contemplates 30-40 years for the dramatic conlusion!

Old Age Mutant Ninja Turtle and his Golf Caddy Luigi Advance vs. DragonZord/Megazord

Professor Vengeance and Dr Robotnik vs. Rudolf and the 10th Planet