Robot Wars RPG - "The Mentorn Conspiracy 2005"

**steven_mcg** · 23rd February 2005, 19:03

AJ has told me online that he wishes to take on the Inquisition instead. No more votes at this point, please.

Its just easier if I have you all (or most of you, anyway) in the one place at the one time. Makes writing less complicated, see?

The first part of Chapter 3 up, ASAP

**matty_haka** · 23rd February 2005, 21:16

STEVE SEZ:
Glad you think this tale is eye-worthy, guys

. Now whod care for the start of our next series of unfortunate events?

CHAPTER 3: AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

DATELINE: Castle Aaaargh, Argyll, Scotland, 6:08pm

The thick mist continued swirling around the tiny island resting alone in the middle of Loch Enloaed. The owners of the ancient castle that stood on it wandered across the foggy grounds, completely unaware that a bus with a boats bottom was quietly sneaking up on the other side of the fortress.

OK, guys, Kody grinned, whos up for a little sightseeing?

Not me, Matty grumbled. His face was the true definition of moody.

Oh, come on, Matty, Aaron groaned, you cant keep sulking about not being able to take on Ellis yet. It was a damn close vote.

Traitor, the Essex boy hissed at AJ, who simply gave him a very nervous smile.

Oh, quit your complaining, Alex sighed, well probably be out of here in 10 minutes with no lead and then we can head for that dumb pickpockets home.

Well, not myself, Matty announced proudly, this plan of mine is too good to fail. It could easy stop this stupid search of ours and if you guys arent going to go along with it, maybe I should just administer it myself! He couldnt help but feel disappointed when nobody seemed to be paying attention. Fine! he snapped and marched angrily out of the bus and onto the misty island.

...um...guys... AJ asked uncertainly, ...am I the only one whos a tad concerned about Matty walking out on us?

Hell be back, Aaron told him as he tried to use the Seance Cellphone to text Tom, he wont be able to make it as far as the beach again on his own, especially in this weather. There followed a loud splash from near the far side of the castle. See? Feeling more relaxed about this, AJ kicked back in his seat and began fiddling with the Swiss Army Spoon. Until a cry of anger nearly made him throw the instrument into the air (currently set on Corkscrew).

What the Tengu?! Alex exclaimed and the group rushed over to Berties door, their straining ears picking up faint crys of Let go of me, you ballgown-wearin freaks! followed by the loud slam of a thick wooden door.

Matty the team groaned in unison and slowly stepped off the bus onto the misty island. They were surprised their kidnapped companion had gotten as far as he had. The thick fog was making it hard to even make out their own hands, but by making use of the Spoons torch function and using the lightsabre to cut through the mist, AJ and Alex paved a way for the others to the castle walls, up the long stone steps and right up to the large wooden entrance.

Well, Alex said as he switched off his weapon of choice, unless we feel like giving ourselves away today, how do we get in?

Working on it as we speak, Chris grinned, Nicole, scan the place for any sign of Matty and see if theres any methods of entry to this place bar ringing the doorbell. A few clicks and whirls followed as the palmtop loaded up the schematics of the citadel.

[Matthew Fowler is currently located on the first floor. Blueprints indicate three other possible means of entry. A window on the fourth floor, the doorways on the upmost battlements and a hidden cave built into the underside of the island are all viable options. However, pre-set traps almost certain once inside the main building]

Now, which should we choose? Aaron contemplated.

...eeny meeny miny -

Do shut up, Andy.

**********

Meanwhile, Matty was having little luck dealing with his captors. Although his temper was short, his range fighting skills was even shorter and despite his thrashing around, his kidnappers simply yanked his rainbow hat over his eyes and took him into a large side-room. By the time his headgear had been lifted back out of his field of vision, he could make out the men in red on the other side of the room, muttering to each other. Quickly regaining his senses, Matty found himself strapped down to a table, his hands stretched above his head and surrounded by all manner of bizzare and unwelcoming instruments. A slightly embarrassed wince on his face, his head lolled to his right and his eyes clapped upon a beautiful woman in exactly the same awkward situation he was. She wore a Union Jack jumpsuit and her curly blonde hair flowed down to her shoulders.

Great, he grumbled, I dont even get a male cellmate!

Beg pardon? the other prisoner asked with distinctly offended, toffee-nosed English tones.

Never mind, he sighed, Matty. Who be you?

Agent Elle Mann, MI5, she whispered, I was sent here to help look for some top secret robot thatd been stolen or something. My superiors were scarce on details. Anyway, Id just finished scouring the castle for it a few minutes ago when these idiots find me and take me in here! How about you?

Same, Matty sighed, Im in the unofficial search.

When youve quite finished, one of the kidnappers groaned as he made his way over, wed like to get a little questioning done, you know. Matty and Agent Mann brought their conversation to an abrupt halt and stared up into the trim goatee and very large-brimmed hat of the infamous Cardinal Ximiniez of the Spanish Inquisition.

Good!, he barked with a swift clap of his hands, NOW then, athiest vermin! You are accused of heresy on three counts - heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed and heresy by actionFOUR counts! He gave himself a sharp smack on the head. Not only that, but you, woman, are also accused of spying on us for some unbelieving enemy agent and YOU, dear boy, managed to chip one of Cardinal Fangs incisors! He pointed over at the hooded cardinal, who gave Matty a poisonous look as he flossed between his strangely-sharp teeth. So... he smirked wickedly, ...do you confess?

...does anyone ever do that the first time you ask them? Matty asked with a roll of his eyes, youre just wasting your time here, beardy.

RIGHT! Ximinez snapped, if thats the way you want it, well move straight to the hard stuff! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS! The third cardinal with the pilot headgear made his way over to the table, a creamy-coloured cushion in each hand.

Here they are, lord! he grinned, his moustashe twitching happily as he turned to face their captors.

Now then, heretics, he chuckled, do you confess? Agent Mann and Matty exchanged looks of utter bewilderment.

...youre joking, right? Matty asked.

Im with him, Elle agreed, you call yourself respectable foes to British security?

SHUT UP! came another infuriated bark from Ximinez. Now then...Cardinal! Poke them...WITH THE SOFT...CUSHIONS! With a wicked laugh, Biggles began jabbing the little pillows into his victims torsos, one for each. Agent Mann and Matty simply stared boggle-eyed at the Cardinals, unable to believe just how stupid their situation was. After a few particularly aggressive pokes, Biggles relented, both disappointed and worried.

They dont seem to be hurting, my lord, he said nervously.

Have you got all the stuffing up one end? his superior demanded, snatching the cushions out of his hands and checking for himself. His face now matching his unform, he cast the pillows aside. Hmph! Theyre made of harder stuff! and he glared down at the bound duo. You should just consider your souls lucky that the Comfy Chair was repossessed by DFS, or Id have you begging me for mercy in mere milliseconds! He stormed back over to join Cardinal Fang, Biggles at his heels.

Perhaps we could try the Dampened Doilies, my lord, his tashe-weilding cohort suggested hopefully.

Or the Cup of Typhoo with PyramidTeabags, Fang grinned maliciously.

The Slightly-Overbright Reading Lamp makes nearly everyones eyes water a little bit, Biggles added, brightly.

Or maybe, Matty complained loudly, you could sell your torture equipment back to the Retirement Home and get yourself some respectable jobs.

Some decent decor wouldnt go amiss, either, Elle grumbled, who uses castles for their bases anymore. Cardinal Ximinez stomped back over to the tables, his red robes swinging viciously with each step.

Oh, arent we the moody little captive?! he exclaimed, Matty secretly delighting in his utter frustration, well, Im SOOO sorry that youre too hardy for our top-of-the-range interrogation devices or if were just the slightest bit out of touch, but thats no reason to be whiners about it! And slowly, a grin formed on his face as an idea began blossoming in his head. Maybe we should rectify that. Quickly searching deep into his robe pockets, a few moments of searching produced an old bus ticket, a pack of playing cards, a rubber chicken, a first edition copy of How Not To Be Seen and finally, two slender white objects that finally stopped his victims moans. At last, the Spanish Inquisition had actually made some people afraid.

Oh no! Agent Mann squealed, Not that! You wouldnt dare!

Why do I get the feeling staying in the bus was a rather good idea? Matty groaned as the Cardinal began untying his laces.

**steven_mcg** · 23rd February 2005, 21:16

DECISION TIME!

Mattys gotten himself in trouble, a potential ally is imprisoned in the castle with him and the rest of the crews stuck outside. Youve got to save your companions, but how will you do it? Via:

- the window on the fourth floor?
- the doorways on the upmost battlements (aka via the roof

)?
- the underwater tunnel?

Will the troop find their way into Castle Aaaargh safely? What strange happenings will befall them if they do? Will Matty and Agent Mann crack? Why cant I stop these infuriating rhetorical questions? Help? Somebody? Anybody?

**darkguru** · 23rd February 2005, 22:14

The tunnel is the closest way, therefore, we can count that one out by laws of probability saying that it wont be that easy, besides, i dont feel like running into a trap underwater.

So, between the fourth floor and the roof i think. Guys? Stevo, info on how to get to one of those locations would be dandy, also, can Nichole do anything towards sensing traps?

**alex_holt** · 24th February 2005, 08:25

We turn someone into a witch and get them to cackle really loudly, this will draw the inquisition out as they hate witchcraft and we sneak in while their chasing after the witch, or alternativly cut through the walls with my trusty sabre