The Last Oddetsey

[alex_holt]

"Oh we both know we are the best that this party could have possibly hoped to get, but it's making sure that simple fact penerates their simple little minds. Oh and bear in mind that most of these tasks are likely to be fairly time consuming, may I suggest trying to set some of your more dependable minions on some tasks, which keeping the more volatile ones close to you. The pyromancer and the demon I suspect will mess things up if they are left to their own devices."

************

As the party leave the relic room, they find that the Cucumberoo is talking nervously to a new figure who has entered the room. It turns around to reveal itself to be an Alakazam wearing a lilac military looking uniform and some sort of glowing headband. It sneers at the party.

"I am Vortigon, 3rd Level Prefect of the Psi-Corp. I am here for the cat and the angel."

[NWOWWE]

Gaunt was only mildly disappointed he hadn't been able to close the sale, but he replaced in his pocket and said brightly:

"Yes yes, another time perhaps. And speaking of time, unfortunately I can't speak for much more than the date before we ended up here. But suppose there's no way of knowing how long of a time transpired between then and now. In any case maybe the exact date isn't important. We're on their time now."

Gaunt gestured vaguely around.

"And it doesn't appear as though we have an abundance of it left."

[majinb]

As the party leave the relic room, they find that the Cucumberoo is talking nervously to a new figure who has entered the room. It turns around to reveal itself to be an Alakazam wearing a lilac military looking uniform and some sort of glowing headband. It sneers at the party.

"I am Vortigon, 3rd Level Prefect of the Psi-Corp. I am here for the cat and the angel."

Aurelia positions herself on the massive bicycle she has just unfolded and wheels through the church towards the Alakazam. The Cucumberoo eyes her with what Aurelia thinks is disdain towards Aurelia driving her bike in a church.

"Say nothing, Cucumberoo. If this place dedicated to the worship of the villainous Professor Vengeance truly is a legitimate church, then as an angel I will well outrank you here. In the short time I have been here I have found that this church works in mysterious and sometimes outright unholy ways, but the inclusion of le grand Maurice Francois in your pantheon is one decision I support with every fiber in my body. As a herald of the Heavens I have seen le grand Maurice Francois join our ranks after he passed away in his final battle. I have seen no braver man, and to be riding his bicycle, in this church, is an honor that is only matched by the honor of drinking his wine, which I shall do shortly."

After hearing the Cucumberoo's response, which will undoubtedly be brought to life by our beloved gamemaster in the near future, turns herself towards the Alakazam that has just shown a specific interest in her and Cleo.

"Alakazam!
Some say that your brain can outperform a super-computer. Your intelligence quotient is said to be 5,000.
And that you can memorize anything. You never forget what you learn -- that's why you are so smart.
And that closing both your eyes heightens all your other senses. This enables you to use your abilities to their extremes.
And that your brain cells multiply continually until you die. As a result, you remember everything.
And that you have an IQ of 5000. You calculate many things in order to gain the edge in every battle.
And that your brain continually grows, making your head far too heavy to support with you neck. You hold your head up using your psychokinetic power instead.
And your brain continually grows, infinitely multiplying brain cells. This amazing brain gives you an astoundingly high IQ of 5,000. You have a thorough memory of everything that has occurred in the world.
And that while you have strong psychic abilities and high intelligence, your muscles are very weak. You use psychic power to move your body.
And that you do not like physical attacks very much. Instead, you freely use extra-sensory powers to defeat foes.
And that your brain can outperform a supercomputer. Your IQ (intelligence quotient) is said to be around 5,000.
And that your superb memory lets you recall everything you have experienced from birth. Your IQ exceeds 5,000.
And that your highly developed brain is on par with a supercomputer. You can use all forms of psychic abilities.
And that the spoons clutched in your hands are said to have been created by your psychic powers.
And that closing both your eyes heightens all your other senses. This enables you to use your abilities to their extremes.
And that your brain cells multiply continually until you die. As a result, you remember everything.
And that the spoons clutched in your hands are said to have been created by your psychic powers.
And that your brain cells multiply continually until you die. As a result, you remember everything.
And that your brain can outperform a supercomputer. Your IQ (intelligence quotient) is said to be around 5,000.
All I know is, you're called Vortigon.

Say what you wish to say."

(Yeah, I just used all of Alakazam's PokeDex entries, and yeah, that explains why some statements seem to appear more than once, sue Game Freak, not me.)

[alex_holt]

"Truely in any other circumstance I would disapprove of bicycles in my church, but, if this is really a bicycle of the revered Maurice Francois, most French of all Frenchman, Connoisseur or Croissants, Genius of Garlic, Exemplar of escargot, then for ever more this day shall be Francois Day in this church. Errr... that is is we live more than a year I guess...."

Meanwhile

Vortigon gives a cold look to Aurelia.

"I see you have memorised your Pokedex entries Seraphim. I am here to inform you that the Stars who gave themselves to the Void Archon to prolong our lives made a request on your half. They ask that you be introduced to the members of the Old Worlds Society. Personally, I don't feel that any of us should be attracting their attention. But you, and a maximum of two companions have been given clearance to be introduced to them, should you wish it".

Just to be clear, I am level 89 and will not permit any of you to harm our chances of survival. If you become a threat I will put you down. Permanently."

[majinb]

"What... iiiis... the Old Worlds Society? And what were those Stars?"

[alex_holt]

Vortigon rolls his eyes at you "The Stars were Stars, I just told you - anthropomorphic personifications of Stars. What do they teach you in the heavens these days"

*He sighs*

"The Old World Society is a Club in the Centre of the City, where the last survivors of the last multiverse meet. There aren't very many of them now, and they keep themselves to themselves for the most part. They are old, powerful and dangerous, and if it wasn't for the Stars apparently seeing some tiny hint of merit in you, we would not be having this conversation."

He sneers at you.

[majinb]

"Do you fancy some a capella singing Vortigon?"

[NFX]

While others were busy chattering about the signal on their wristwatches, or going against what he now - wearing the unusual helmet - deemed all good and decent protocol and riding a bicycle indoors, or......whatever Vengy was doing...Twitch was still at his casket, clawing fruitlessly at the small amount of currency within. This was getting nowhere, so he left his magnet in the casket, along with the currency, and flew over towards the Cucumberoo.

"Excuse me," he asked, "Do you have a bag that I can borrow?"

[alex_holt]

The Cucumberoo hands Twitch a small bag of holding, which is a small parrot suitable which only weighs as much as the heaviest item inside it.

*******************

ELSEWHERE

Spod peruses the shop, but before he can even think of making a trade Sprondinkle turns his weird robotic body towards him and addresses him.

"I am afraidddddd good rockmonster that we are now passttt closing time... we have to move on, yes, move on, too late to leave... too late indeed.. the end is too close to tarry."

The strange being begins to manically push buttons and pull levers that Spod hadn't even previously spotted around the room, hidden in odd places around the junkshop. Wind a crank on a fisher price toy. Pull a lever out a bedside light made of crystalised souls, chub the cheeks of a stuffed honey badger. Suddenly the whole room is filled with light...................................

*************************

The thugs outside cover their eyes as the shop de materialises in a flash of brilliant lights that cross the entire spectrum. There is now an empty building in a spot where moments before stood a shop. This is reasonably strange even for Melded, but as their target has now vanished from the face of the multiverse and headed off into parts unknown, they decide to go watch some TOWIE to full-fill their crime needs for the night.

[steven_mcg]

"Oh we both know we are the best that this party could have possibly hoped to get, but it's making sure that simple fact penerates their simple little minds. Oh and bear in mind that most of these tasks are likely to be fairly time consuming, may I suggest trying to set some of your more dependable minions on some tasks, which keeping the more volatile ones close to you. The pyromancer and the demon I suspect will mess things up if they are left to their own devices."

Mmyes, they do seem the most potentially troublesome. I could swear one of them was a bloody angel too. Think I got off her good side a long time ago. I think I've wheedled into their 'tolerable' books by now, but I doubt it'll stay there for long. Bringing them back a weapon of mass destruction for our united arsenal ought to do the trick! Better than kicking about this dusty dump waiting for the Rapture at any rate.

Future Past Young Whatever Me, signing off!

(God, I look good.)

[storms triumphantly outside to join the rest of the party]

Ladies and gentlemen, I have had an epiphany. Not only have I been gifted this spiffy little polymorphic alloy, but I've learned some more about that ridiculous prophecy. There is an ancient relic of great power hidden in the cathedral on the other side of town and it is my intention to bring it back for our little aid mission for reality. I have no idea if it's a trap or not and doubtless I'll need you all alive for more dangerous fare later, so I'd better toddle off myself.

I know, I know. "Like we're really going to let the self-proclaimed supervillain we blatantly do not trust run away after some weapon of mass destruction". Perhaps a little team-building exercise is in order...

...

Oh, damn it! What the hell!

[thrusts his top hat into Eudial's hands]

Guard that thing with your very lives until I get back. I'll modify my little robot friend to keep track of your positions so I can catch up.

I mean it now! Not one little rip, understand? Your very lives. Hmph!

[creates a half-melted stovepipe hat from the Thoughtmetal and starts sauntering away]