The Last Oddetsey

[steven_mcg]

"It's been going since not long after the King Industries affair a few hundred years ago, some of the scholars studying that found some parallels between that event and two other previously, and the two previous ones matched very closely a prophecy on an ancient ipad unearthed on the far side of the city. The thing is the tablet was older than either of those events, and both shared in common Professor Vengeance. The tablet also spoke of a third coming...err you see the translated version on the wall at the far end of the room.

This is Earth Zero, of Multiverse Zero and this is the Metropolitan area of New Melded, biggest city on the planet.

Ah, finally, we're getting somewhere. Earth Zero. Yes. How very 'Crisis'-y. I can work with this. Probably.

The tablet's back there, is it? Hmm, that's definitely worth investigating. I'll read that in a minute.

(Melded. That rings a bell. Wasn't that where Phil Harmonik claimed he'd gone after he spontaneously combusted that night on stage? Damn it, I must get that old time machine fixed! I haven't caught up on my future symphonic rock in ages.)

As for the other stuff, its all from the prophecy, but I guess you've noticed the giant shield outside... it looks an awful like the end of something.... all I know is somewhere went wrong during that black hole problem two years back and then the powers of the multiverse started gathering here to try to stop whatever it was

Mm, yes. Always tricksy things, black holes. If you don't know what you're doing, your space armada goes right down the plughole and you spend the rest of your life as some monstrous spaghetti man! But that's only bad for a galaxy; a universe at worst, surely. How many dying stars do you have to pee off to threaten every universe in every reality?

Errr my tailor goes by the name of Goldenrod, he's one of those Moon-Dwarves who lives a few streets away, he's made a business of growing living metals into clothes, and the church is very keen on them!

Excellent. Must make a note of that. There's no telling what an epic quest beyond time and space will do to one's Sunday best, eh, vicar?

I'll put you all on the newsletter right not.... what format would you like it in...we do written paper copies, psychic broadcasts and super deluxe mail, although we do need large donations for eligibility for the latter, and its very slow..."

Well, providing this tip still has email, just send the subscription request to prof.vengeance@hatemail.co.uk. I'll confirm once I get back and the time machine's up and running again.

"Are you guys Fress....I mean Fallen? Errr... two years ago there was a black hole heading towards Earth Zero.... the great Lord left seclusion to go stop it, but then something happened... no one is willing to say what.... and well.... *he walks a few steps out of the church*.... well that...

..."Well, no one is entirely sure, he's been around for much of the entire length of the world as far as we can tell, he has used several aliases, but the ancient texts mostly refer to him as Lord Doomforall... As to whether he is a messiah... it seems to vary with account, the oldest references are to that of a unifying conqueror, but in my own lifetime he has only been seen a few times to avert apparently seemingly unstoppable disasters, and has otherwise remained in solitude."

Doomforall!

Doomforall, Doomforall, Doomforall! It's always bloody Doomforall, the smug sparkly bastard! He's not even a proper villain, just some mopey twerp with a bathrobe and a Paul Daniels magic kit! Since when did he get top billing in the Church of Vengeance And Some Other People He Vaguely Knew?

"I mean, it's a cover up of some sort - it was widely announced that Doomforall stopped the black hole, and there were parties in the streets and whatnot,

Yep, that sounds like His Lordship all right. He stops a black hole and people throw him parties. I try to pull Scotland closer to the Bahamas and suddenly it's a "crime against nature"! Feh!

but then, suddenly there was a media blackout for a few days and no one has heard anything about the Lord since... None of the beings or ships who went up there returned, and that black spot appeared in the sky, and then that Gryphon turned up and was on the infonets, and shortly after that all the Powers started turning up to maintain the shield."

He lowers his voice conspiratorially

"The psycorps have been drafted to stop widespread panic, but the Church found out and let its members know..."

Hmph! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Wouldn't be surprised if the silly sorcerer accidentally threw the sun down the hole too. It would explain the rotten weather so far.

So Doomforall pops round to save you lot like the broody little "anti-hero" he is when he suddenly vanishes into thin air leaving everyone in a mad panic while the whole place goes to plop? Oh yes. That sounds like my Doomsy all right - and if he's involved in this, that can only mean headaches for everyone.

Right. Where's that tablet then? I'm finding out what the hell this prophecy is and then going to club the gent responsible for all this right round the napper till his grandchildren feel it.