The Last Oddetsey

[steven_mcg]

"Vengy?" he asked. If the Professor was as clever as he boasted, and as powerful as this church proclaimed, surely he'd be able to figure out Twitch meant him. "Where's the Grand Cathedral, what's the relic you're reclaiming, why is it there, and how will that end the multiverse?"

If I knew any of that, my winged compadre, I wouldn't be here. I'm not exactly keen to see the entirety of creation go up in smoke myself. It's hard to conquer people when there are no people left to conquer, you know?

"All right, I've had enough of this," said Eudial. She was still pale, but her mind was set. "You're holding a great deal back, and now that my own world is in jeopardy, I demand answers. Who exactly are you, and what do you have to do with this? And I mean ANYTHING to do with this. I've misjudged you up until now. Tell me everything!"

Heyheyheyheyheyhey! Cool your jets, Little Red Riding Hood! As I've said about a hundred times by now, I'm just as in the dark as you lot about all this! Hell, if I knew I had an entire organised religion devoted to me and my past glories, I'd have been singing it to you from the rooftops from the moment we first met - and I'm not exactly a holy man at the best of times!

I mean, just look at these statues!

Look at these statues...

Look at the...

Oh GOD. ><

"Oh my! New visitors to our Church! What an auspicious day this is oh yes! Please ask me anything you want to know about the Great Prophet!"

(OK, Reggie. Time to get some answers at last. Don't blow your chance by blowing your top. Play it cool, play it calm. Be the sweet, charming, loveable old rogue everyone loves you for.)

Good evening. I am the Great Prophet Vengeance. Speak anything louder than a whisper for the next two minutes and my feline friend there will nibble your legs off. OK? OK.

I awoke a few hours ago to find myself in the middle of this interdimensional dumping ground with an entire world religion devoted to myself and those other loonies I used to get dragged into world-hopping with.

#1: Why is this and how did it get started?
#2: What is this place? The city, I mean. The country. The world. The...everything.
#3: What is this nonsense about me, the "Great Cathedral", some relic and the end of the multiverse?
#4: Who is your tailor? That waistcoat really is spiffing.
#5: How do I sign up to your newsletter? Even the Great Prophet needs to keep up with the news, eh, what?

You have two minutes to answer everything I just asked or you'll be hopping to mass on a pogo stick till the End Times really do come. Aaaaaand go.