All-New Spectacular Wars Incarnate: Civil War

It's that time again! Time for my annual prodding of the snoring (possibly comatose?) Fan Fic section with the cattle prod of ridiculousness!

This time, Wars Incarnate returns!

For those fortunate enough to have avoided it thus far in their lives and now, backed into a corner and nodding in the hope the explanation will be over quickly, the Wars Incarnate is an "anything goes" FanFic contest. I am looking for 8 competitors to enter one "thing" each to take part in a tournament that does permanent damage to the Universe's concept of "sensible".

The only rule I have is no real life individuals - too much room for awkwardness. Obviously also nothing specifically offensive in a way that wouldn't be allowed on the forum in general too. Fictional characters, objects, concepts, animals and strange things of your own creation are more than welcome. If going for fictional characters though, I do advise fairly famous ones purely on the basis that things are funnier if people get the reference (and even more so, if I get the reference enough to write it...)

You may note the Civil War thing in the title - that will be revealed once I have my entrants.

Now, get entering or flee for the sake of your sanity!

Note - Depending on your entry, you can just enter a name eg. "Mr Darcy", or be more specific "Mr Darcy as played by Colin Firth", or indeed, be a new version eg "Mr Darcy as played by The Rock". Outside of characters, particularly for objects and original creations, up to one short paragraph may be used to describe exactly what you have.

Name: Lazarus
Race: Dinosaur
Species: Protoceratops andrewsi
Gender: Male

Features: A long black mane of hair... that is actually edible (to him only). He's got a nice mix of browns and blues for skin and hide colour. His feet are actually hooves, specially treated to be able to crush the thickest vegetation, and they have great traction too. His very large skull is synthetically implanted with lead; he developed an immunity to lead poisoning over time.

Equipment: A bag of provisions attached to a belt on his neck.

Notes: He met someone named Mormon Jesus; now he is converted to Mormonism.

Name: Chatty
Race: Talkie Toaster
Species: Crapola Inc.
Gender: Toaster

An artificially intelligent electric bread toaster, designed to provide light conversation at breakfast time. Unfortunately, after having been ignored for so long, its intelligence circuits have worn out, and it has now decided to shout abuse or toast-related comments at any passers-by, while firing toast absolutely everywhere, but usually directly at their opponent. Good condition, but not like new.

Equipment: A crapload of bread.

Notes: Its warranty has expired.

http://cache.lego.com/r/catalogs/-/m...l.r=1547641889
"C’mon, I’m not so bad!"

It isn’t easy being a Hun Warrior. Just because your empire has a reputation for rampaging across the countryside, conquering and plundering everything in its path, everybody thinks that you must be a bad neighbor. Well, this is one warrior who’s out to change that view!

Instead of pillaging towns, the Hun Warrior visits them with plates of cookies (though it’s best not to ask what’s in them). He decorates town walls with homemade art, and hardly ever smashes them down and rides over the rubble on horseback. He even baked a friendship cake once, but when he went to cut it with his sword, things got kind of messy. It’s only if all of his attempts to be neighborly fail that he shrugs and goes back to the conquering and plundering. Hey, at least he tried!

Name: Mothra
Race: Pokemon
Species: Larvesta (shiny coloration) http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Larvesta_%28Pok%C3%A9mon%29
Gender: Male

A not fully evolved pokemon that just so happens to be of the distinction of being of the absurdly rare shiny coloration and as such sticks out like a sore thumb when among fellow Larvestas. As a Bug/Fire type it has an insane fear of rocks and avoids them at all costs, especially the annoying ones that float around battlefields waiting to dig into pokemon entering the field. Even its eviolite that it found discarded on a path one day can't protect against that. Also has the special ability Flame Body which has a chance at burning things that come into contact with him, and even more handy helps hatch eggs much faster.
Equipment: Eviolite http://www.serebii.net/itemdex/eviolite.shtml

Notes: Josh is looking for me but he can't find me because I'm here and not in the Friend Safari paddock.

Name: ayy lmao
Race: Alien
Species: Grey
Gender: Unknown

An extraterrestrial that showed up one day and tried to blend in to society, but quickly turned to drugs because he thought they were "cool". (don't do drugs kids). Now he can only say "ayy lmao". He has some alien technology stuff like a laser gun and some spaceship parts, but since he'd rather be high he doesn't use them often.

Just three more entrants and we can begin!

woohoo!

name: sorry, dont know this one
race: 2015 formula 1 australian GP
species: ask a scientist
gender: both

some guy idk he looks like this --->

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Two more to to and we can get this underway!