You mean a third series, hmm with that many attachments i could have hours of comedy fights
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You mean a third series, hmm with that many attachments i could have hours of comedy fights
And now after this festive break we return for more ludicrous battles to death or whatever similar state applies to the object in question, for example in our next fight we have someone to whom death was only a career change so lets get started:
Dracula vs. Glasgae Ned
House fighters for today are nodachi and salamander
Not knowing who Ned is I€™m relying on my imagination here and for the purpose of this fight he is a wiry old crazy late middle aged man with sticking our hair and a wispy grey beard, he happens to on the sole piece of information I have happen have large numbers of sharp objects, which if my line of thinking resembles reality in anyway is not really suitable for a public forum so lets say he has lots and lots of knives.
Dracula reads the script and gives his Transylvanians accented chuckle while slurping a Bloody Mary, Mary doesn€™t have that much blood left in her so he finishes quite quickly and casts aside her corpse. The vampire transforms into a bat and flues up to the rafters while the crazed Ned wanders around aimlessly looking in a bewildered fashion at the gothic castle in which he finds himself. Dracula drops from the ceiling behind Ned, graceful as a cat, silent as an owl but seeing as Ned isn€™t actually focusing on anything as such he swings round and sees Dracula head on anyway. Dracula hates fighting people like this, they€™ve got no sense of style. The caped bloodsucker slams his fist into Ned€™s chest and the man smashes into a wall which he breaks through and disappears. Dracula whistles and Igor appears in a plume of smoke beside him to hand him a bottle of vintage Neanderthal blood that he€™s been saving for over 8000 years now. Igor then wipes the blood off his masters hand and disappears in another plume of smoke.
Suddenly a figure emerges forth from the whole that he€™d flown through, the impact seems to have actually knocked some sense into him and he has a flick knife in each hand, Dracula twirls around the knives and chops him in the neck rendering him unconsious with a great deal of style causing the Judges of strictly-come-murder-dancing to give him a high score and he subsequently wins the tournament, unfortunalty for him this means the press suddenly is upon him constant and relentless and the flash photography destroys his vampiric body with its bright lights and he becomes a small pile of dust.
Glasgae Ned Advances to Round 2!
Megaman X vs. The 5th Moon of Earth
House fighters for today: Darkerstar and Archangel of the Abyss
Megaman X has more gadgets that a swiss army knife, and they are all useful too, unlike a swiss army knife. He goes off in search of this fifth moon of earth ready to destroy it with his lazer type blaster thingies, he forgets exactly what his memory for upgrade names is finite. He fliues round the orbit of earth looking for this fifth moon, but to no avail he just cannot locate it, he didn€™t know there was more than 1, even his super advanced data sheets cant tell him anything. He searches and searches, goes to consult NASA but discoveres the moon is so irrelevant that they couldn€™t be bothered keeping track of it. Megaman searches through the earths magnetic area to no avail. He carries on searching, hours turn to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to years and eventually megaman drops from the sky too decrepit to fly any longer, he would have survived the fall as well if it wasn€™t for the fact that on the way down he hit his head off an unidentified object which snapped his spine which was ironically, the fifth moon of earth.
The Fifth Moon of Earth Advances to Round 2!
Gollum vs. the Wootinator
House fighters: tengu and Baldur
Born from a sickening obsession due to an ancient evil that has been in the world from time ancient, he craves that which he has lost, his precious: the Wootinator wants coffee. Gollum jumps at him but the Wootinator arm morphs into a coffee cannon and blasts into Gollum€™s chest, scalding him and staining his loincloth brown. This really annoys Gollum, although people think that his loincloth is accidentally that bad Gollum is actually president of the Archaic Looking Loincloth appreciation society of the Misty Mountains and that was a middle earth renowned specimen. His eyes see red, and charges at the Wootinator whose hand morphs into a porcelain mug which smashes across Gollum€™s face. Gollum sees that strength will not help him and he calls up his friends to help him, unfortunalty he only has one and he abides in the same body so it doesn€™t help much. The Wootinator then unveils his ultimate weapon: his other arm shifts into a set of Dolby surround sound speakers and starts playing music, but this is not any music, this is the word woot by a thousand different voices played to the most annoying tunes that the world has ever seen. Unfortunalty for the Wootinator Gollum had to listen to the god aweful song by Pippin which was in middle earth, not this world and so these are nothing compared to this agony. Gollum then remembers one vital fact about his existence, he goes and consults with the visuals effects department and he becomes a hundred foot tall dinosaur coated in steel spikes, bone spikes, wood spikes, papier-mch spikes and every other material he could think of but the Wootinator cannot be stopped so easily, Gollum is about to sit on him whet the Wootinator€™s arm extends outwards with a coffee mug on the end, then with a borad beam on is face he tips the coffee onto the animators keyboard. Gollum€™s colossal form disappears to reveal Andy Serkis in a skintight motion capture suit. He runs away embarrassed.
The Wootinator Advances to Round 2!
Now two giant reptiles fight it out, no its not an Aaron Knight vs. Andy battle.
Bowser vs. Godzilla
House fighters are Baldur and Kali
Bowser looks up to see his opponent who is approximately 1,205 times taller than he is and gulps, in addition to that he cant pull any kind of cheap destroy the animator trick cos it€™s the giant rubber suit one. Bowser looks worried then he sees his face, and his worries are dissipated.
€˜Cousin Zilla? I€™d heard you€™d moved to Japan but I€™d have never have guessed how successful you€™d become I remember when you were just a bloated throbbing irradiated egg.€™
€˜Uncle Bowser!€™ the voice booms across the main street of Tokyo knocking Bowser back with its immense power.
It€™s ages since I€™ve seen you, hows the princess abducting business?
Ah not so bad, that cursed Mario doesn€™t know when to give in, how many times has Peach told him that she doesn€™t like him, the only reason they were ever together was an arranged marriage on her part, but after discussion with her parents they decided it wasn€™t necessary.€™
€˜Ah you know how it goes, you met my girlfriend Rodan?€™
€˜I€™m afraid I haven€™t had the pleasure€™
€˜Oj I€™ll call her over to meet you, Rodan honey!€™
€˜Giant booming wing beats are heard and a slim and elegant pterodactyl lands on a nearby skyscraper, Bowser would of complemented her scale pattern if it wasn€™t for the pact that the wing beats of his nephews girlfriend had not smashed him into the wall shattering his shell and causing his vital fluids to leak across the pavements of Tokyo.
Godzilla advances to round 2!
A triceratops vs. Triple H
House fighters are Baldur and Hector
The triceraptors guns forwards and gores triple H savagely, the colossal beats withdraws its horns and the body of the wrestler drops to the ground. Triceratops begins to walk of into the sunset when the triceratops agent points out that that was a cardboard cutout for publicity and hes forgotten his contact lenses again. He puts them in and realizes his mistake and sees that the wrestler is standing posing for the press he charges but the wrestler picks up a pairs of Uzi€™s and guns the triceratops down, in manages to dodge the first few rounds but eventually the prehistoric beats falls to the floor and its eyes close. Triple H wonders where he got the uzi€™s from but his intellect is to miniscule to tell the difference between a dinosaur and a table hence the reason he wasn€™t scared at all by the charge. Suddenly though the triceratops eyes flick open, no longer is the world normal, everything is made up of code, by all improbability the triceratops IS the chosen one, born to free people from the matrix. Triple H spins round and blast the walking table with the uzis but it holds out its stump like foreleg and the bullets stop in mid air and drop to the ground. Triceratops then leaps through the air and with a series of bullet time martial arts hits triple H backwards where he is impaled upon a random cheesegrater.
Triceratops advances to round 2!
Bigfoot v. A random Dalek
House Fighters: Allanon and Odysseus
Bigfoot lumbers forwards and hits the dalek down upon its head denting it slightly, however with Steve€™s upgrades it doesn€™t do any harm to it whatsoever, however what it retaliates with certainly does to damage to the overgrown apeman, it grabs the opponents privates with its plunger and proceeds to suck. The apeman bellows in rage and bludgeons the robot more still fialign to do anything. The daleks laser, with greatly improbable attack manages to get a hit so precise that it damages the bigfoots genes causing it to mutate, within a few moments it has devolved into the lower life form known as a big brother contestant. The Dalek would scream at what abomination it has created but having no lungs it decides instead to break Dr Robotniks run of Nobel Peace prizes by shooting it through the head with its lazer.
A Random Dalek Advances to Round 2!
Samus Aaran vs. Large Inflatable Purple cowboy hat
House fighters: Archangel of the Abyss and Achilles
The intergalactic bounty hunter squares up her opponent with her scan visor, unfortunatly it turns up a blank with €˜Large Inflatable Purple cowboy hat; composition 68.9% tack 21.1% booze for inventor 10.0% vile colorings, weaknesses unknown, purpose unknown, destination unknown, idea behind it: too disgusting to repeat. She fires her dark ray at it to no effect, followed by a light ray, she realizes that this hat abides in neither light or dark realms but the realm of cheap tat, she doesn€™t know if she can face something from a realm so vile. Suddenly it unleashes its first attack and her infamous power suit is rendered made of cheap acrylic in vile shades of pink that would make Barbie puke. It they throws itself onto her head and tries to destroy her brain, but with the last ounce of strength she has she walks a few meters, by which time the extremely shoddy workmanship inherent on the plane of tack causes it to burst. Samas drops to the floor almost defeated, her most difficult fight ever is over.
Samus Aaran advances to Round 2!
Malomyotismon vs. brick wall
House fighters: Tengu and Black Panther
The digimon smashes the wall directly infrotn of it with its awesome power, it was an average red brick wall, but what Malomyotismon fails to appreciate is that all brick walls are part of the collective, they are all one and they look out for the individual members, suddenly walls slam in on all sides, its incased, every time it smashes the walls more pile up in the breach and within minutes all that shows of the digimon is a giant airtight cube of bricks through which no air can enter and the digimon gradually dies. Te brick wall collective leaves alert mode and its units return to the vital last of propping up buildings.
Brick Wall Advances to Round 2
More fights when there are some.
EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!
(Wonderfully weird stuff as ever, Alex! :proud:)
Wheres nae danger on that translator?
Neds dont say that, sophisticated Scotmen like me and Steve say that :-P
BUMPedy bump bump...BUMP BUMP
I cant post stuff if i dont have the itnernet at home, which got delayed cos BT needs to dig up our road, I cant psot at school cos Ill likely get blocked by the network.
Poor old Alex
At least its better than having BT to replace the either telephone network in the village.
In theory I will have the interent at home when I get home tonight, in practise I should be able to post the rest by December 2038 knowing what always happens in situations liek this one