Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
BEAVIS VS Sociology
Sociology is a very vague subject. As such, Beavis will be lured into a false sense of security at the start of this fight. So, when he starts getting cocky and lets the snarky insults fly, BAM! Out come Karl Marx and Max Weber to lecture him on the mechanics of communism and social class structures! Even us smart uni people found that a chore, so God help someone like Beavis!
In a worst case scenario, spring a surprise exam on him.

A half-eaten bacon sandwich VS PROFESSOR VENGEANCE
Trying to eat a contestant never does any good in these tournies. :proud: Keep at a distance, set the cane to flamethrower and burn that bacon to ashes.
If all else fails, throw it to the House Fighters and see if they can digest it.

Yay! The most powerful red and black spotted, highly flammable thing in the universe has advanced to round 2!

Yay! More fights!

Sociology vs. Beavis

House fighters are Hamlet and Asterix.

Beavis, to put it bluntly, isnt too smart. In fact, if you put a maggot beside him, the worms SAT score would double Beavis. Therefore neither of the house fighters can figure out how he can possibly defeat one of the hardest and most irritating subjects of university. Beavis gets a piece of paper and studies it for a second. Then he immediately sticks it in his mouth and eats it, wiping his face with a vegetarian pizza. Unfortunately that was Hamlets pizza and so Hamlet walks over to Beavis and belts him in the back of the head with the hilt of his rapier. Beavis is knocked out cold and hits the floor.
Just I am about to declare Sociology the winner, Beavis eyes flicker open. He gets up, brushes himself off, pulls out a book and begins reading. Within seconds he is talking to Hamlet who decides not to tell Beavis about the blow. Stunningly, the blow from the rapier has given Beavis a big jolt of intellect. Hamlet and Beavis discontinue their conversation and Hamlet disappears.
Suddenly, Hamlet reappears holding a rock. Beavis takes it from Hamlet and looks at it. Then he throws it off of the stage and declares himself the winner. The audience is extremely confused, but Hamlet lets them know what happened.
I went back in time, and changed their names. So now Rock is a subject taken at university and Sociology is a piece of earth.
In the audience, Steven McGregor scribbles out the subject name Sociology and puts beside it Rock.

Beavis advances to Round 2!

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Professor Vengeance vs. A half-eaten bacon sandwich

House fighter is The Watcher.

The Profs cape swirls menacingly as he comes into the arena, power surging through his veins. At the end of the arena he espies a lone sandwich, half-aten, with bacon sticking out. Prof. Vengeance raises an eyebrow at this rather pathetic sight, and then grabs his trusty cane to burn the sandwich to ashes.
All of a sudden, there is a cry in the audience. The Prof. turns around to see one of the house fighters bouncing into the arena. Its Big Mac, and for another sandwich, he sure looks mad. He complains to the Prof. that the sandwich right there was his long-lost sister and that he couldnt possibly destroy one of his family or hes kill him. Vengeance laughs at him and sets the cane to flamethrower mode. Big Mac speaks to The Watcher. The Watcher then lets out a deadly, shrill cry from his three heads.
Suddenly Prof. Vengeance turns to see all of the house fighters surrounding him, except Big Mac, who is guarding his apparent sister. Vengeance laughs no more, but keeps his eyes fixed upon his enemies, his cane at the ready. Cortez is the first to break the silence, lunging at the Prof. with his sabre. Vengeance parries the blow seeing Cortez is invulnerable. He blasts Taki out of the way with a zap from his cane but Tira grabs him from behind and pins him. Just as Ancalagon is about to step on him, there is a yell from Big Mac. Ancalagon flew forwards too fast and the mighty beat of his wings sent the bacon sandwich flying into space. Ancalagon is arrested by the dragon police, but breaks out a day later. The other house fighters release Prof. Venegance, who glares at them coldly and walks away, his cape swishing around him.

Professor Vengeance advances to Round 2!

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Slipknot vs. The most harmless, cute and innocent thing in the universe

House fighters are Tira and Cortez.

The most harmless, cute, and innocent thing in the universe sits there. No one knows what it is, or what it does. Corey Taylor, lead vocalist of Slipknot, motions to his band to start playing Duality, but something stops them. Apparently they cant play such a violent song in front of this thing, whatever it may be. Suddenly, the thing says I love you. in a extremely cute voice. Slipknot twitch at hearing this comment, and Corey Taylor goes to stomp it. Be my friend, says the thing, and Taylor falls backwards, breathing hard. A dark soul like his cannot endure this onslaught of friendly statements. The entire band run up to defend their leader but the cute thing replies Well be best friends. The band scream in agony, and fall backwards like Taylor, holding their heads in agony. The cute thing continues its verbal assault. Just as Slipknots ears start to bleed, Tira runs up and grabs the thing, sealing its mouth shut. There is a slight pause as everyone looks at Tira. Tira grins evilly and goes under a large cardboard box, taking the thing with her. Loud ripping and tearing sounds come from under the box, and a second later Tira gets out, and smiles at the crowd, stuffing in her mouth. It seemed that the most harmless, cute, and innocent thing in the universe was just a stuffed teddy bear.

Slipknot advance to Round 2!

tactics

Fighter vs. Danish cartoonist
Draw a offensive cartoon, and sign it Fighter. Lets see how my nemesis will deal with all those people wanting a piece of him.

More fights later today...I hope. :lame:

A gold pocketwatch vs. The City Wok Owner

House fighters are The Sickness and Big Mac.

The Owner laughs at the pocketwatch, which just sits there, doing nothing, just ticking away the time. Such a harmless thing it seems to be, the Owner picks it up and stares at it. Maybe he could sell it and become rich...or maybe make a franchise of pocketwatches! All this is driven from his mind as the pocketwatch slips out of his grasp and lands on the floor, and breaks. As the pocketwatch isnt destroyed or smushed into powder yet, Kody decides not to declare the Owner the winner. The said Owner cries out in anguish, as all his hopes and dreams are lost...but not yet. He decides to fix it, and so gets out a wrench, a screwdriver, a flashlight, and some No Doze and spends about 48 hours straight trying to fix the thing. At last he finally does so, and the pocketwatch looks as good as new, but the Owner has taken the toll of 48 straight hours without sleep or sustainance, and even with the No Doze the Owner twitches, has a spasm, and keels over, still as a stone.

A gold pocketwatch advances to Round 2!

Might have more up later.

MINI FRIDGES TACTICS
See the video the entry came with.

Unfortunately for Martijn, no-one would ever believe Fighter actually managed to draw something (unless it was a sword). Especially not something that managed to concsiously offend people:proud:

Rapier vs. Mini Fridge

House fighters are Asterix and Ancalagon.

The Wing Commander fighter jet lands down at one end of the arena. The Rapier looks rather like an Arwing from the StarFox series, but thats for another story. The mini-fridge sits at the other end, looking rather futile and weak. The operator of the Arwing looks confused, as though he thinks the opponent is not there. Then he sees the fridge sitting all by its lonesome. Immediately he fires one of the Rapiers multi-missiles right at the appliance. There is a tremorous BOOM as the missile connects with the fridge, and the operator is satisfied to see a great explosion and cloud of smoke from the area where his opponent once was.
However, when the smoke clears, he cant believe his eyes. The fridge has not moved at all, and absolutely no damage, no sign of impact has been made save for pieces of the missile which lay all around the fridge. The operator gets out and inpsects the fridge. He notices that someone had crazy-and-super-glued AND duct-taped the bottom of the fridge to the arena floor. All of a sudden the door opens, and a light can be seen inside. The Rapier operator looks inside of the fridge and gets a fist in the face. Ironically, that fist is a boxing glove made of titanium, and it knocks the pilot right onto his head, cracking it like an egg. This should have won it for the fridge however the Rapier jet itself is still intact. Since neither of the fighters are now able to move on their own, Asterix gets into the Rapier and Ancalagon picks up the Mini Fridge. Asterix looks around. The buttons are pretty complicated, yet hes pretty confident and pulls a few switches and buttons. Unfortunately technology is rather hard for our little gaul friend to understand and the Rapier ignites it thursts, bolts backwards off the arena and ejects Asterix from the seat. The Rapier keeps on going backwards until it hits a star and supernovas it, obliterating itself.

Mini Fridge advances to Round 2!

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Al Gore vs. Hammer Brother

House fighters are Hamlet and Taki.

The American presidency candidate and the Koopa with the helmet and really dangerous hammer square each other up. Then they charge headfirst, completely linear with one anothers paths. Unfortunately for Al Gore, he forgets that the Hammer Bro. brought his helmet to the match and so they collide with a sickening collision. Al Gore bounces away, his head severely damaged by the confrontation with his opponent, and shakes his head. The Hammer Bro. raises his hammer but then Al Gore remembers that he invented everything, and sues Nintendo $2.5 million for their item damaging him. The Hammer Bro. is forced to sell his helmet to avoid being caught up in the whole deal. Al Gore then calls up his bodyguards and hires more bodyguards in a swindle that gets him more money. The Hammer Bro. is surrounded by bodyguards but isnt fazed because hes faced the likes of Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi and gotten plenty of experience out of it. Like lightning he tosses hundreds of hammers at the bodyguards, and hitting their shades, destroying them. Unfortunately for Gore those were secretly the bodyguards shades made by them without him knowing it and so he cant sue the Hammer Bro. at all. The bodyguards run off the stage crying, their precious work has been destroyed thanks to that evil turtle, but now Al Gore is left helpless. He looks this way and that, looking for a way out but the Hammer Bro. closes in and puts the idiot in a stranglehold using the handle of his hammer as well. Al Gore suffocates and falls to the ground deceased, and Taki kicks him into a plothole leading to radioactive spiderbots.

Hammer Brother advances to Round 2!

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Tekkaman vs. Barney

House fighters are Exa-Gore-Ic and Obelix.

Tekkaman glares at Barney; this must be some sort of evil organism disguised as a happy purple dinosaur. Unfortunately for Barney Kody REALLY hated him as a kid and decided not to check up on him or his stats at all for this tournament, and so allows Tekkaman to do what he wants. Tekkaman rushes forward with his spear and sticks it through Barneys stomach. Loads of white stuffing fluff out. Then Tekkaman gets into a fight cloud with the dino, from which more stuffing flies in great clusters. The fight cloud dissipates where Tekkaman is standing around a circular mound of white stuffing and purple cloth. Tira applauds from the audience and shockingly gets a glare from Tekkaman.

Tekkaman advances to Round 2!

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Fighter vs. Danish cartoonist

House fighter is The Watcher.

The swordsman wanders about. Hes not on Final Destination, but on a barren field, which is an appropriate name for it seeing as its bare of anything except ground. Fighter wanders about until he sees something moving in the distance. Its a wain being moved by people. Fighter rushes towards the wain, the fire of battle alight in his eyes, but when he gets closer all he sees is the Pope, resting peacefully in the front seat. Then suddenly one of the people lets a yell and points at Fighter. Fighter is confused by this but even more so when the Pope awakens, sees Fighter, and begins pointing at yelling him too. Fighter unsheathes his sword and charges at them all, when suddenly he hears a rumbling behind him. He turns, and yells himself; theres ten thousand Danish knights in armour running right at him! Hurriedly Fighter runs away, but the knights are rather faster than he is, and then overtake him, and slash at him. He falls to the ground and is jumped upon by the Danish knights. The last thing he hears is the Pope yelling at him...
Back on Final Destination, the Danish cartoonist shows The Watcher the comic he just made. Its about a soldier getting chased by Danish knights and the Pope. The Watcher glares at him and snatches it away from him, devouring it in one of his three-beaked heads.

Danish cartoonist advances to Round 2!

w00t, Wild Horses is next

Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady you know who I am
You know I cant let you slide through my hands

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldnt drag me away

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldnt drag me away

I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I dont have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Lets do some living after we die

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, well ride them some day

Wild horses couldnt drag me away
Wild, wild horses, well ride them some day

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
DR IVO ROBOTNIK VS P.C.

Robotropolis VS Siliconopolis. Interesting.
P.C. looks a fairly impressive villain, but hes only made it as far as conquering Denmark, according to his profile. Meanwhile, this version of Robotnik has robotcized almost an entire planet. Not to mention he has his genius nephew Snively and an army of mass-produced SWATbots on his side, compared with two rather dim androids and a calculator. :proud:
Tactics here will be to use a laser firearm to smash his screen. Once blinded, bounce him into the nearest House Fighter with the Botnik belly. If he decides to play low and call his henchbots, Ill play lower and summon some SWATbot divisions.

BARRYS TACTICS
Once the giant mutant cuckoo breaks out of the clock, which its bound to do considering its size, eat the little terror. Failing that, slice him apart with the pendulum thingies.

Violent J vs. Wild Horses

House fighters are The Sickness and Tira.

The Insane Clown Posse foreman looks at his opponents. Sorry to say that he doesnt know how many of his opponents there are, he can only see a few of them and sillhouettes of others. And more are coming. Violent J gulps: he doesnt know what to do. Then something lands in front of him: its an album. All of a sudden something forms around him: in a strange turn of events the bands album cover The Wraith has come to life, and Violent J is now the Wraith, a hell-sent minstrel. The horses give no thought to this and immediately stampede towards him. Out of nowhere a blast of hellfire catches the horses, obliterating some of them, however more keep coming. The Wraith looks around; there must be somewhere from where the horses are coming from. The horses are now crowding the arena so now Tira and The Sickness join the fray. The Sickness expands himself to major proportions and many of the horses attain horrible diseases, and Tira disposes of them off the stage. The Wraith is thankful for this distraction, as hes found the source of the horses: Martijn has put up a ramp from the audience to the arena and is sending millions of wild horses into the huge platform. The Wraith throws the ramp into the depths below, and takes out the rest of the horses. Unfortunately for Tira shes not immune to The Sickness and acquires avian flu, and has to be taken into care.

Violent The Wraith J advances to Round 2!

Note: I dont like the Insane Clown Posse at all, but that doesnt mean Im going to kill off Leos entry because of that. Good going Leo. :)

Oh, and Tira will get better. :)

Faygo showers all round to celebrate! :)

Well, thanks to a late antidote from my anti-anti-hero, Tira is back to her maniacal self. :proud:

Now then, onto some more fights!

A can of Barqs root beer vs. A jar of crab paste

The house fighters are Cortez and Ancalagon.

Once again, neither fighter is capable of moving by their selves so Cortez and Ancalagon step in. Cortez picks up the can of Barqs and drains it in one gulp, forgetting that because hes a skeleton the liquid goes right through him and onto the ground. He sighs, sets the can down, and turns away, only to step on the puddle of Barqs and slip off of the stage. While this was happening Ancalagon had picked up the jar of crab paste. He crammed the contents into his cakehole and was absolutely delighted by the taste of it. He brings Cortez back into the arena, and both house fighters start their own crab paste franchise, labelled The Pasty Crab, and make many different kinds of crab paste depending on the different species of crab. This means that they forget all about the fight and the empty can and jar just sit there...and sit there...and sit there...Ancalagon and Cortez however are now multi-trillionaires and living in huge mansions in the sky, completely oblivious to everything else. Ancalagon is getting his huge wings massaged while Cortez is counting the money theyve made over the successful business that they spawned. Cortez suddenly realizes that hes bound to his treasure, and that the treasure is still on Final Destination. With a cry he plummets back down to the platform and lands with a huge BANG, knocking both fighters over. All of a sudden, there is a sound like a monkey coming out of a badly-tuned radio and the jar spontaneously combusts, bringing an end to this completely pointless and boring fight.

A can of Barqs root beer advances to Round 2!

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Jamie Madrox vs. Talkie Toaster

House fighters are Big Mac and Taki.

The Multiple Man clones himself repeatedly, and soon has an army of clones standing around him. He laughs confidently, figuring nothing could take down a whole squadron of himself. The toaster beeps through its speaker. The Multiple Man army is almost on top of the toaster until theres a squawk from the audience. The Multiple Man turns to see...Jamie Madrox?! Everybody is stunned. But its the real Jamie Madrox, the funkadelic rapper, and he looks right angry. The fictional Jamie Madrox advances on him with the army but the rapper moves fast, dodging around all the clones punches and one by one throwing them off the stage. Then the rapper walks right into a punch from the clone-man, right into the gut, and staggers backwards, but then he answers the punch with a kick to the face. Then both men grapple each other and get into a fight cloud. They tumble off the stage and the rapper catches the edge as the clone-man falls to his doom. It would have felt very good to know that he defeated someone, but even better if it was his opponent. Look! Hes back! says the toaster, and Jamie Madrox turns around, and forgetting himself he loses his hold and drops to his death.

Talkie Toaster advances to Round 2!

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik vs. PC

House fighters are Asterix and Exa-Gore-Ic.

Both fighters glare at each other, each loathing each other for what they are and what theyve done. Immediately Robotnik fires his laser but PC deflects it with a flick of his arm, and it hits a nearby moon destroying it. Robotniks eyes narrow, but even more so when he espies PC call out henchbots who race towards Robotnik with their claws pointed towards him. Immediately he summons hordes of SWATbots, and his servants Sleet and Dingo from Sonic Underground. Unfortunately for Robotnik they screw up every time and fall flat on their faces before they are even ordered to attack. Robotnik slaps his forehead for hiring such idiots into his servantry, but then comes back to himself and orders his SWATbots to attack. PC gets more of his henchbots to attack, and now its an all-out war, missiles flying, metallic arms swinging, claws tearing, and voices screeching. Some are unlucky enough to attack the house fighters, and Asterix smashes through many of them, whiles Exa-Gore-Ic instantly implodes them with his powers. Robotnik is incensed by this, and gets even more of his SWATbots to attack the house fighters. Asterix however is not letting up, and soon there are a pile of broken robots near Asterix, and hes just gotten to about 935,001. Robotnik is scared and he fires a laser at Asterix that freezes him, but Exa-Gore-Ic tackles Robotnik and knocks him out. Fortunately for Robotnik, PC had been destroyed as Asterix had destroyed his 10th SWATbot.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik advances to Round 2!

Hooray! :proud:

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
Lord Doomforall VS THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE

A good chance to employ Thomas original tactics in the first WI, methinks.
Thomas the Tank Engine was created by the Reverend Wilbert Awdry. Reverend. As such, tournament logic dictates that Thomas should have a close ally in the God of Christianity. Tommy will call upon God to fight Alex (Like his Lordship could resist a clash with the Creator himself) and try to run him down while hes distracted with battling the Almighty.
Failing that, shunt him into the nearest House Fighter, bludgeon him with catchphrases or call upon the rest of the Sodor transport system to help.

Oooh I must admit that I do love a good cosmic scale battle with major deities. However, Doomforall isnt as easily crushed as that: he has pretty much power in his telekinetics as the gravity of a particularly large star, and the rift which he controlls works pretty much cosmic a cosmic matter eraser. Ill make myself some cool rift armour which will basically cut a me shaped hole straight through whatever anythign that tries to hit me. Thomas wouldnt be quite so charming with my shape branded in his face (and right the way through him if he didnt stop)

Besides, I still think God will be a bit peed (it seems a common symonym of that also belonging with p is forbidden on here, which I swear it didnt used to be) off at the whole anti-christ thing.. And the childrends TV barrage..... just nasty...

Since youre the one who made Thomas the Anti-Christ in the first place, I have a feeling hell be a bit more peeved with you. :wink:

(Message edited by Steven_McG on February 23, 2007)

Good point, lol. But realistically if Archangel of the Abyss) could involve himself (and I just randomly promoted him to my herald - if Galactus has one, why cant I?) then I definatly can. Besides Im an atheist so his powers cant touch me.

Okay, I know I hadnt posted it for the longest time, but here are Melissas final two entrants:

7. A Los Angeles blonde cheerleader
8. Sonic & Tails

That means these two matches are complete:

An LA cheerleader vs. Congealed milk
Sonic & Tails vs. Samus Aran

Battles up a in a few minutes.

Okay, I guess Ancalagon and Cortez werent cut out to be multi-trillionaires so lets begin the next set of fights. *gets furtive look from Alex* Uhh...well, it aint a few minutes, but theyre here. =P

Barry the mutant cuckoo clock vs. Stewie Griffin

House fighters are Obelix and Hamlet.

The evil toddler takes out his trusty carbonite gun and readies it. The cuckoo clock towers over him, looking increasingly more evil by the second and its pendulum rocks back and forth, sending out soundwaves of Stewies imminent doom. Stewie fires a beam of frozen carbonite at the clock but the beam just bounces off due to the extremely smooth vinyl finish on the wood, hitting a random audience member who just happens to be Tom Roper and freezes him in solid molecular compound. Stewie next takes out a rattle. It looks rather cute with bright blue and yellow, but Stewie takes the handle off and the audience realizes that its a grenade. He hurls it at the clock and it greets the clocks face with a gigantic explosion. Stewie takes out his carbonite gun again and again fires it at the clock, right into the cloud of smoke. Everyone can see another beam go sailing off into the distance. Stewie keeps his spherical eyes fixed on the translucent cloud of smoke, which slowly fades, and reveals the most horrifying cuckoo ever. Its feathers are damp and sticky as if they were crafted from mold that hasnt quite solidified yet, and its cruel-beaked head is gaping open with slime dripping out. Stewie grabs his milk bottles and uses them as a nunchaku to fend off the cuckoos attacks. Barry dives at Stewie, screeching shrilly, and Stewie sticks one of the milk-bottles right into the cuckoos mouth. The bottle clogs Barrys beak and he cant breathe. The cuckoo collapses from suffocation and Stewie freezes it in carbonite and showcases it in a museum years later. The clock itself is sold for 10p to a proud Welshman who plays the Banjo for a living.

Stewie Griffin advances to Round 2!

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Full Metal Alchemist vs. Lordi

House fighter is The Watcher.

The Finnish band are ready. The Alchemist is also ready, and he fuses a Boeing 747 with a plothole, and hurls it at them. Normally this would have won it for the Alchemist but at the last second the object disappears. Frank Goacher comes on-stage and slaps the Alchemist with a rubber glove, and reminds him never to steal his plotholes again. The Full Metal Alchemist growls at Frank but leaves him alone due to the fact that Frank is the master of randomness and that the FMA isnt a match for him. The Alchemist turns back to Lordi and finds them rushing at him with their instruments. The Alchemist grins and opens up a sand pit underneath the ground which swallows the band up and a second later their bones are spit out. The Alchemist thanks the sandland predator that made his way to the arena to look for food, but knew that they wouldve run out of air anyway.

Full Metal Alchemist advances to Round 2!

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LA cheerleader vs. Congealed milk

House fighters are The Sickness and Big Mac.

The teenage middle-school girl is slightly confused, as shes been brought here instead of an ER room; she was going to the ER room because shes been due on brain surgery ever since a year ago when they found out she got only 2 score on her IQ test. In fact she doesnt care; shes already performing a very cheesy tap-dance and waving wildly. Speaking of cheese, the bottle of congealed mlik just sits there until The Sickness swarms around it. A huge amount of radiation is given off, rumbling sounds are heard, and seconds later the bottle explodes to reveal a huge green cheese monster oozing with rotting cheddar. The cheerleader isnt listening; she has her back to the monstrousity and is trying to entertain the crowd by doing a dance to the British national anthem. Leo van Miert and Gary Cairns throw their lager cans at the girl, which hit her head and spin it around 180 degrees so that she is now face-to-face with the cheese monster. She tries to scream but since her heads been twisted half-way its pretty hard, and her neck snaps as she falls to the ground with a glassy expression. The barbaric hulkish monster grabs the girl and envelops her, sinking her into the depths of his cheesy skin and innards. the monster than pats its belly and goes to sleep.

The cheese monster which was once congealed milk advances to Round 2!

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Rusty nail vs. Michael Jackson

House fighters are Taki and Exa-Gore-Ic.

MJ aint exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but he must be smarter than that idiot cheerleader who was here last time. He immediately goes into his dance for Thriller and the audience breaks into applause. The rusty nail isnt phased, though. It just sits there, looking forlorn. MJ is stunned, and several reporters come onstage and photograph the nail. No one has put up such an obstinate silence towards what is arguably the greatest song ever as this rusty nail has before, and this must surely be a big deal as MJ gets angry and stomps on the nail, and it seems that MJ is stupid because youre a downright nincompoop if you stomp on a nail, rather rusty, with its point up, WITH BARE FEET. MJ gets a huge pain in his foot, and jumps off of his fee, howling. The cut is made across a vein, and therefore MJ is unable to dance anymore. He tries suing the nail but the nail doesnt have anything to give, and counter-sues MJ for attacking an innocent object. MJ argues that he cut him, but the nail objects this because it was self-inflicted. So MJ loses millions of dollars and is reduced to living a homeless life, and is run over by a random dumptruck whiles the nail lays in his hundred-piece bedroom set with a martini and several good-looking women.

A rusty nail advances to Round 2!

Yes, Im saving the Doomforall/Thomas fight for one post only, because its going to be long. :proud:

Well, heres the longest fight yet of the ATTTWI, and one that I have been itching to write for a long while. :proud:

Lord DoomForAll & ArchAngel of the Abyss vs. Thomas the Tank Engine and God

All house fighters are participating.

Four unearthly powers, each streaming uncontainable and unimaginable energy from every particle in their bodies, come forth to do battle.
On one side are Lord DoomForAll, the infinitesmal being of unlimited power, guile, telepathy, and wit, clutching smoothly his trusty rift staff, and his loyal servant and herald ArchAngel of the Abyss, as Alex says, an unkillable creature of ancient and dark magic, able to summon forth evil creatures of shadow. Their might remains unchallenged, and their black gazes stare out coldly at their apparent opponents.
At the other end is the anti-christ himself, Thomas the Tyrant Tank engine, his black, hellish powers unconquerable as of yet, the bold and wicked grin extending to the edges of his evil face, and the creator, God, untouchable by emotion, force, or trickery, wielding the might of uncountable powers known and unknown, and the stern look on his face tells his competitors that he is ready to bring them to judgement.
Its Thomas that makes the first move, calling forth innumberable demons and wicked creatures for his bidding. ArchAngel of the Abyss responds by summoning his shadow host. DoomForAll and God call out their own hosts, rift agents and angelic powers respectively. The hordes clash in an epic battle, quite possibly the most gigantic clash yet in the current universe, but it is only the beginning. Lord DoomForAll extends his rift staff, and suddenly takes an unusual aggressive stance, and blasts off at supersonic velocity, thrusting a rift armour-clad fist at the Creator, and it connects, however due to Gods unabsolute powers he was able to make clones of himself and so the Lord only destroys a carbon-copy of the original Creator. Thomas and ArchAngel react almost as instantly as Lord DoomForAll did and their unparalleled might channels through them viciously as they collide in epic fashion. ArchAngel extends his claw outwards and shears the face of the Anti-christ, however Thomas catches ArchAngel in an enormous blast of hell-fire. The eyes of ArchAngel burn red before he blows away the hell-fire as if it were nothing and, with a casual swish of his hand, encases the Anti-christ in a prism of dark energy, held tightly together by subatomic neurons drenched in evil, and slamming his hands together causes the prism to cave in on itself and implode in milliseconds, therefore annihalating Thomas. However, the spirit of the Anti-christ seeped out of the metallic body of Thomas before ArchAngel readied his deadly powers, and possessed the body of ArchAngel and shoved ArchAngels dark soul into the body of Thomas; therefore ArchAngel has been destroyed and the Anti-christ once again reassumes the form of Thomas the Tyrant Tank Engine, grinning sinisterly.
Whiles this was going on, Lord DoomForAll was dealing with the many Gods that were surrounding him. The Lord zipped around, shattering all the God copies upon impact due to his rift armour, however the real God has no ordinary form, he just is, he just exists, meaning he had only taken on the form of a tall, wise man in a toga. DoomForAll isnt impressed, and therefore orders God to show him his true form. Therefore the Creator does. Suddenly a great blasphemy of storms and disasters form around DoomForAll, a torrent of rain lashes him, tornado-force winds strike him, and many forms of nature indeed attack the Lord; however, treachery was afoot, and Thomas the Anti-christ backstabbed his fighting partner, and the earth awakened: lava poured forth, destroying countless forms of nature and dispelling the rain, great fumes of black smoke belched forth and thickened the air, and earthquakes toppled trees and shattered mountains. God was horrified, but even more so when he saw DoomForAll speed towards the clouds, through them and smite the Creator, a brilliantly bright orb of white light, and the glowing globe gave off a corona of energy before collapsing and sucking itself into the void.
Thomas grinned evilly, and awaited DoomForAlls return. Now it was between the two of them, and DoomForAll slowly descended onto the lava-soaked ground, the molten rock not harming the Lord at all. Both fighters looked up, as the battle between all the hordes was growing ever intense.
At that moment the house fighters threw themselves into the melee. Ancalagon burned down many angels and shadow spirits, and Exa-Gore-Ic removed many purposes, causing them to explode into nothingless. Taki, Tira, Hamlet, Asterix, Obelix, and Cortez slew many. Big Mac went into The Sickness and became a horrific mutant snadwich that devoured many of the demons and rift monsters without harm. The Watchers voice rose above all with a ear-splitting screech that sundered the tormented earth and more and more molten rock poured forth. Thomas and DoomForAll remained steady. Then Lord DoomForAll pressed his hands together, and spoke a few quiet words. Thomas was horrified to find that a shadow of ArchAngel of the Abyss started to form beside him, and then again took shape, colder and darker than ever. By now most of the hordes had been destroyed. Thomas charges forward with the might of Hades inside of him, but Lord DoomForAll met his charge with a blindingly-fast slash of his rift staff, and they turned. Thomas fell over, torn into two pieces, and the spirit of the anti-christ rose above him. Before the spirit could so much as move, Lord DoomForAll extended his hand, and turned it slowly. The anti-christ, without force of his own will or strength, began to slowly rotate on the spot. The hand of DoomForAll began to rapidly increase its spinning acceleration, and the anti-christ spun faster than ever. Then without warning, the spirit dislodged from itself in subatomic fragments, spiralling out of existance and joining the Creator in the void.
Lord DoomForAll glares into the distance, and turns his back on the scene, raising the rift-staff in the resulting applause that came from what was left of the audience as he makes his way towards his lurking place, wherever that may be.

Lord DoomForAll advances to Round 2!

...wow. Im amazed at my own writing. :proud:

Yay! Excellent writing! Plus I beat the entire pantheon of one of the worlds biggest religeons! Horray for extreme blasphemy!

Why do I bother trying to make Thomas the good guy? :lame:

Still, one fantabulous fight, Kody!

We all know the evil that is Thomas the tank engine, there is no fooling us. :proud:

ABK vs. Arael

House fighters are Ancalagon and Exa-Gore-Ic.

Before the fight, we see ABK and Arael alking in a locker room. They nod to each other, and turn and walk out of a tall building in Tokyo. This is rather unusual, as fighters arent really supposed to talk to each other before a fight. Theyre supposed to randomly appear there wtih absolutely no knowledge of each other...the narrator scratches his head while reading the script. Kody grabs a flamethrower and burns the narrator to a crisp before hiring a new narrator, and we get to the fight. ABK and Arael stare at each other blankly. The audience is booing and throwing trash at them, and Ancalagon breathes fire on them, roasting them. Exa-Gore-Ic then decides to get involved in the fight, and tackles ABK. ABK explodes...into paper-mache?! Exa-Gore-Ic tackles the other one, and Arael also explodes into paper-mache and Kody glares at the new narrator and burns him to a crisp as well. Meanwhile the real ABK and Arael are bounty hunting on the planet Venom, when suddenly the giant being called Andross (from the StarFox series of games) comes out of nowhere and swallows them whole. Arael, being an Angel, survives this but ABK is unable to withstand the onset and is torn to shreds by his own mind.

Arael advances to Round 2!

----

Bun-Bun vs. A squinting teacher

House fighters are Cortez and The Sickness.

The teacher fixes the ferret with its cold squint, but what the teacher doesnt know is that Bun-Bun, of course, has endured too many stares and rather inquisitve looks from on-goers nearby and so this doesnt affect it. The ferret jumps onto the teacher and tries to bite his hair off. The teacher screams and runs around in circles trying to dislodge the crazy rodent from his scalp but it is no good. Finally, after days of hopelessly jogging the French Riveria he falls to the ground dazed, and the ferret curls up in the teachers hair and goes to sleep. Cortez and The Sickness didnt care; they were too busy playing fooseball (dont ask me how a cloud of bacterium can play fooseball; he just can =P).

Bun-Bun advances to Round 2!

----

Solaria Crystalwing & Nightwing vs. Ozzy Osbourne

House fighters are Taki and Tira.

The wizard of Ozz is feeling good. Hes just smoked some dope and is living the life. It should be no problem to take care of these two. Solaria blinks at the gothic metalhead at the other end of the arena, and is rather disgusted. She walks over to him and smacks him upside the head. The crowd ooooooooooh!s at that, and Ozzys head turns about 90 degrees. He sets it straight again, and slaps Solaria back, right across the back of the head. She falls down, and the crowd laughs. Nightwing goes to slaughter some of the audience but the house fighters stop him, and Nightwing instead leaps at Ozzy and tries to take his head off. Ozzy dodges this, and turns to Solaria, who immediately throws a punch right into Ozzys head. Suddenly, Ozzys world goes psychadelic, and he believes himself to be at Ozzfest. He calls for a mic, and Taki throws it at his head but Ozzy catches it in his hand. Lord DoomForAll, in the audience, suddenly becomes rather interested in this fight as Ozzy suddenly obtains angelic and demonic powers for reasons unknown, maybe because hes Christian, maybe because hes a Goth, who knows? Anyway Ozzy himself doesnt know of this and begins to sing Crazy Train and the audience goes nuts...in a good way. Solaria has had enough of this and uses a floral beam on Ozzy but it has absolutely no effect. Ozzy then lets out a high-pitched chorus that rings throughout the arena and deafens everybody, except DoomForAll of course. A random Hammer Bro. in the audience suddenly throws a hammer in the arena and it lands on Ozzys toe. Ozzy howls in pain and Nightwing, however deaf, grabs the opportunity to rip out his vocal chords, while Solaria kicks him in the balls. Since his vocal chords were ripped out, Ozzy cant scream in huge pain, and his head explodes, leaving him a headless corpse. Solaria then proceeds to burn up any album by Ozzy Osbourne ever made.

Solaria Crystalwing & Nightwing advance to Round 2!

----

Dark Magician vs. A Wiimote

House fighters are Asterix and Obelix.

The Dark Magician looks around; he doesnt see his opponent anywhere. Then he espies a lone controller sitting on the floor. That must be the opponent. The duel monster doesnt scorn the thing but immediately sends out a dark wave of energy that hits the Wiimote and sends it flying to the edge. Suddenly the Magician gasps; the Wiimote rises up all on its own. One may ponder how this is logical, but the Dark Magician prepares to embue himself with power and put an end to the floating piece of machinery. Suddenly his arm jerks out, sending him off-balance and crashing to the floor. He raises himself off the ground, rubbing his head, but he barely has a moment to consider the situation before his arm twists around, sending him into a world of pain, and the Wiimote is still floating. The hand of the duel monsters twisted arm stares back into his face before releasing a great blast of dark energy, catapulting the Magician off his feet and off the stage, plummeting down and into the void. The audience is albeit confused, but finally understand the problem when Mario takes off his vanish cap and puts down the Wiimote.

A Wiimote advances to Round 2!

----

Kenshiro vs. Jeffrey Nothing

House fighters are Hamlet and Big Mac.

The muscle man known as Kenshiro walks forward to punch the vocalist of Mushroomhead into the next dimension. Unfortunately for him, Jeffrey Nothing has his tricks and trades, and so extends his finger. Pull his finger? What the? Kenshiro wonders about this, smirks, and grabs the finger and pulls it right off.
Suddenly a huge jet of yellow gas is emitted from the place where the finger was, and clouds of the stuff cover the arena. Its laughing gas, and Kenshiro falls to the ground, laughing insanely. The audience falls about roaring with unidentified mirth, and Jeffrey Nothing is the only one who isnt affected because hes got a gas mask on. He goes over and kicks Kenshiro but the man muscles are too strong and its uneffective. Suddenly, Kenshiro jumps up and grabs the vocalist, still laughing maniacally, and squeezing the poor guy harder and harder, and suddenly there is a explosive crack as Jeffreys spine snaps like an adamantium beam, and the limp form of Jeffrey Nothing plops down defeated. The gas wears off about a minute later.

Kenshiro advances to Round 2!

----

A bobsleigh vs. Homer Simpson

House fighter is The Watcher.

The bobsleigh is stationary at one end of the arena, and the infamous Homer Simpson is drooling at the other. Homer isnt moving, hes in his own thoughts about donuts, being rich, donuts, women, donuts, food, donuts, and so on. The Watcher calls in Asterix to help with this, and the gaulish house fighter pushes the bobsleight into the girth of the donut-crazed glutton. This does absolutely nothing to Homer except draw his attention out of his cross-eyed state; hes still obsessed with food, but looks into the sleigh and finds Asterix sitting there. His face goes sad. Im hungry, utters Homer and Asterix out of kindness gives him a roast boar to eat. Homer devours it and his eyes turn into slots, one spins and produces WOO, and the other produces HOO. YUUUUUUUUUUUUM! yells Homer and spazzes out, running all over the place and startling the crowd with his speed. Asterix gets out of the way as Homer crashes into the sleigh, and demolishes it instantly. Unfortunately Homer was running too fast and he takes both the ruins of Martijns entrant and himself off the stage.

But Homer advances to Round 2!

Hopefully this will get you guys back in the spirit of things. :proud:

Bun-Bun is a rabbit, Kiki is the ferret :P

Other than that, good job:proud:

%%% We interrupt this program to bring a late breaking news bulletin. The ferret known as Kiki has been arrested for impersonating the rabbit Bun-Bun, unfortunately for her its really obvious to tell apart a rabbit and a ferret. She is currently serving a 564367879693645611112 year sentence, and will only be let out to fight Shaggy 2 Dope, and others if she beats him... Its only fair. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming. %%%

:proud:

More inspired lunacy, Mr K!

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
Rose Tyler/TARDIS deity VS SLAPPY SQUIRREL

Good luck erasing this fighter from the fabric of existance, Ms Tyler. Slappy Squirrel isnt just a cartoon character - shes an Animaniacs cartoon character. You couldnt get rid of her even if you wanted to. At least not permanantely. :wink:
For this fight, Slappy will start off with the old cross-dressing routine and disguise herself as Christopher Eccleston. When Rose/TARDIS deity fawns over him and attempts to recreate that kiss, Slappy will slyly slide some prune juice and a stick of TNT down her throat and hop to safety. If that doesnt work, a few deity-grade mallets and anvils served with some dry wit should do the trick. Call on the other Animaniacs if things start going poorly and try to chat up Captain Jack Harkness regardless of victory. :proud:

(Message edited by Steven_McG on March 01, 2007)

Do you really need to try to chat Captain Jack up?

Were talking about a geriatric squirrel here. So, yeah, good point. :proud:

I should have more insanity for you by Monday evening (or Tuesay depending on your time zone :P).

*snaps fingers; some guy in the audience is getting continuously beaten down by an invisible chicken*

...:proud:

*we resume fights as the random guy in the audience is taken to hospital with a broken funny bone*

Samus Aran vs. Sonic & Tails

House fighters are Hamlet and Cortez.

Battle of VG characters! On one side we have the bounty hunter Samus Aran, of Metroid fame. She stares around, recognizing the familiar arena that is Final Destination, where shes killed off the likes of the Hand duo and Giga Bowser, and smirks, readying a charge shot. On the other end of the arena are the infamous Sonic & Tails duo of Sega fame, looking around confusedly. Theyve never been here before, and inwardly curse the people who tried to make copy images showing that they were playable in Super Smash Bros. Melee but actually werent and that it was all a scam. Anyway the battle begins, and Sonic speeds towards Samus with Tails in behind. Samus blasts Sonic with a charge shot but Sonic deflects it due to the velocity and acceleration of his spinning. Samus dodges it but is bowled over by Sonic and is drop-kicked by Tails, and lands on the floor. Samus isnt impressed by this, and suddenly pulls out a spherical object that has a lightning bolt shaped on it. Its a Screw Attack, and it is hurled right into the spinning ball of fur that is our little blue hedgehog friend, and, rather than slowing him down, further increases his acceleration. Unfortunately for Sonic, the friction between his spinning self and the ground is too much, and the ground gives way to a circular hole, dropping the hedgehog through the stage and out.
Tails decides to take Samus down anyway, and hovers up above the bounty hunter, tossing bombs down. Samus rolls out of the way of these, and extends her grappling beam and snags the fox from out of the air, drawing him in. After a mere glance at the scared face of Tails, Samus flings him right at Cortez, and the pirate king proceeds to skewer the fox through the gut with his rapier.

Samus Aran advances to Round 2!

----

13 vs. Hobbes

House fighters are Taki and Asterix.

The number 13 is everywhere, on jerseys, on milk cartons, on your clocks, even on your computer screen at home. Hobbes wanders about the arena with ridiculous schemes to try and rid the world of the number, each increasingly stupid than the last. Suddenly, a sheet of paper hits him in the head. He tears it off his face and looks at it. Its the number 13. Hobbes screams and eats it, chewing noisily. Suddenly it comes to him. He must make the number equal to 0. What does he do? He grabs a pen and paper, and writes down the number 13...unfortunately hes never taken a math class in his life, and has no idea what the hell to do. He counts his paws, his whiskers but still he cant figure out what to do. He writes down the number 13 again in frustration. Then he realizes what must be done. If he takes the number away, therell be nothing left. He takes an eraser and rubs it across the paper but remembers he used pen. Suddenly, he finally gets what he should be doing, and subtracts 13 from 13, and writes down 0. The 13 is defeated. Taki and Asterix look at each other and shrug, and then entertain the bored audience by performing a series of difficult acrobatics involvling a unicycle, a telephone, and a genetically mutated woodpecker/mole hybrid with hundreds of arms, resulting in the audience screaming and running away.

Hobbes advances to Round 2!

And I returneth with more insanity for ye! Dont worry, the hybrid is taken out. Mind you, it was rather smelly. (inside joke; if you happen to come across this forum and this exact message, Delrin, ignore it)

Evangelion Unit 01 vs. The Grim Reaper

House fighters are Tira and Ancalagon.

Grim cackles maniacally, feeling the edge of his scythe. He probably doesnt realize that he is being towered over by a huge hulking purple figure. Unit 01, after a moments slight hesitation, grips his lance and thrusts it right through Grims hood. Grim explodes in a mess of bones and Unit 01 smirks to himself. Unfortunately for Unit 01 Grim is Death: he is not alive or dead. So what meets the Evas eyes is a recollection of bones as the figure of Grim rises back up off the floor, reconstructed completely. Unit 01 does not show any emtion but immediately raises a foot and stomps down on Grim but Grim slashes the heel of Unit 01 as he passes. Normally a scythe wouldnt be able to penetrate the Evas tough armour which is everywhere, but seeing as this is Grims magic scythe, the blade juts into the fot and causes Unit 01 to recoil in pain. Grim rises up above the ground and plunges the scythe into Unit 01s head. The tip of the scythe goes into the head but suddenly becomes stuck. As Grim tries to pull it out, Unit 01 activates his AT field and Grim is incinerated in a fiery blast. Unit 01 grunts and turns away...
However the ashes of whats left of Grim join together, and again Grim has returned to fight, laughing at the Evas futile attempts to kill him. Unit 01, hearing a laugh, shoots his arm out and smacks Grim with his huge hand. Grim ducks underneath the blow and fires a beam from his scythe at the Evas head. Unit 01 suddenly starts to decompose, and collapses in a mess of dust and sand particles. A human figure lies on top of the mess, covered in yellow goop. At the sight of Grim he yells and runs away, but he only gets two strides before Tira sidesteps in front of him and decapitates him with a slice of her ring blade.

The Grim Reaper advances to Round 2!

----

Rose Tyler/TARDIS Deity vs. Slappy Squirrel

House fighters are Obelix and The Sickness.

Slappy Squirrel sticks her tongue out at Rose and yells at some guy whos above the stage on a ladder. Hes carrying a rather heavy object, possibly a grand piano from the shape of it. Rose grabs a conveniently-placed telephone and calls Doctor Who for advice. Unfortunately for Rose, if shes ever watched The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, she wouldve known that the phone was actually the phone of Cthulu that Grim left there last match, if anything went wrong. Immediately shes pulled through the phone and into an office with lots of monsters making prank calls. Technically shes not defeated so Slappy hasnt won this match yet. Slappy, however, has no idea what to do now. She waits for Rose to reappear, and after a grueling half hour snags the phone she saw Rose talking into and demands to speak to Rose. And of course she is pulled into the office too. Grim gets back into the audience and notices the phone there. He smacks his bony head.
Meanwhile, Slappy and Rose are fighting it out. However Slappy is losing this battle as Rose had been turned into a goopy monster with tentacles however Slappy managed to avoid them all. Then she calls her agent again, this time with a cellphone. The monsters scream and run away, and the agent appears walking on a ladder with steps except at the top, rather like stilts, and he drops an anvil on Rose. Unfortunately this is an ACME anvil, and it drops through Roses head, through the floor, and takes the entire office with it, including Slappy. Somehow through a random act of Thomas who has been brought back, Slappy manages to get back to the arena, however just as Rose is about to return through the phone, Grim throws his scythe from the audience and short-circuits it, and the phone sucks itself into an interdimension.

Slappy Squirrel advances to Round 2!

----

Link vs. A giant ball of enraged leopards

House fighters are Exa-Gore-Ic and Big Mac.

The Hylian Hero of Time readies his Master Sword and Hylian Shield, and braces for the impact as the spherical ball of furry claws and teeth rolls towards him. However Link knows he cant kill leopards, theyre one of the most endangered species on the earth, so he puts on his Pegasus Boots instead and runs around the leopards about 100 times before the felines even register what hes done. The furry sphere alters its course and goes in a different direction, right into Exa-Gore-Ic, who implodes the ball instantly. Link is horrified to find that the leopards are free from the ball and immediately leap at him. Link stops and puts on the Fierce Deity mask, becoming Oni Link, but the leopards reach him as soon as he puts on the mask. However this increases Links health, strength, and vitality almost infinitely, and the claws of the leopards hardly scratch him. The leopards back away, and, as one, hurl themselves right at Oni Link, but due to both the speed of the Pegasus Boots and the awesome power of the Feirce Deity mask, Oni Link is able to catch each of the leopards one by one and toss them off the stage. One of them however claws at the arena edge, catching it, and tackles Oni Link, catching his face. Link gasps as the Fierce Deity mask falls off his face and he returns to normal. The single feline then tackles him off his feet before he can speed off and slashes at his face. Link butts the cat hard in the face and launches it using both feet away from him and into the path of Big Mac. The leopard devours the house fighter whole, and suddenly, its feet turn into hardox statues. The new iron-alloy appendages weigh the cat down, which yowls in pain and fear, and Link suddenly feels sorry for it. Knowing that it cant be saved he puts the poor animal down using a vets needle.

Link advances to Round 2!

We demand more fights!

Hooray for cartoon violence! :proud:

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
FIFI LAFUME VS Rocky Raccoon

A character from a Beatles song? Advantage: Steve-o. :wink:
According to Melissas description, the version of Rocky shes using is an actual raccoon - a perfect love target for the heir to Pepe LaPew. For this match, Fifi will use that massive tail of hers to ensnare Rocky like a fluffy boa constrictor. Once in her clutches, itll be a case of hugs and kisses to distract him while she slyly releases her trademark stink. One wiff and Rocky will be throwing in the towel in seconds.
If he somehow has found a way to block or disable her stink, tackle-hug him into the House Fighters and let them do the work.

Master hands tactics:

Dive under the stage, grab one end and tip it up. Watch the Bicycles plung off into oblivion.

If that doesnt work, youve played SSBM, Kody, youve seen his mighty arsenal of attacks. Lets see the bicycles stand up to that.

... He he, I said arse.

Okay, more fights!

A hippopotamus vs. Diamond Sparkle Super Pretzel

House fighter is The Watcher.

The hippo charges at high speed but trips over the super pretzel and falls on its arse. The pretzel itself goes flying to the edge of the arena and wobbles a little on the edge. The hippo loses track of where the pretzel went to due to its incredibly abysmal eyesight and figures that its mutated into a statue, which is ironically The Watcher. Immediately, before the hippo gets thought of what to do, the house fighter lets out a cry from its three-vulture heads, and the other house fighters pounce. Its Ancalagon who makes the first move by ramming the hippo whiles the hippo confronts Ancalagon with a charge of his own. Unfortunately for the poor hippo, the dragons might is far too great to overcome physically and the hippo is jolted all the way to the opposite side of the arena as the pretzel. Asterix then suddenly realizes something and turns around to alert the other house fighters that this is a rare endangered hippo, the last of its kind. So of course the first thing is sees is Taki, Tira, and Hamlet dismantling the beast and lopping off its head. But what the hippo lacks in eyesight it greatly makes up for in IQ, for this hippo in particular was the smartest ever. Therefore it was able to make a dummy of itself in which the house fighters fell to spoil and have ripped apart, and once again searches for the pretzel. Then out of nowhere Ancalagon tackles the hippo in rage. The hippo lands on the pretzel with a thud. Normally this would not have mattered since the pretzel is made of diamonds but the hippos weight causes the pretzel to crumble from the inside, and it implodes into diamonds. Cortez grabs these and adds them to his secret hoard...under the arena.

A hippopotamus advances to Round 2!

----

And now we let the ferret Kiki out of prison to fight another Insane Clown Posse member.

Shaggy 2 Dope vs. Kiki

House fighters are Obelix and Ancalagon.

Shaggy runs over to the ferret and tries to stomp on her but shes too fast and is able to dodge the foot, which craters the ground around it. She then tries biting into the foot but Shaggy luckily placed on steel-toe boots and therefore poor Kikis teeth crumble. She whimpers and runs to the other end of the arena. Unfortunately thats where Ancalagon is, and he stomps down even harder, and Kiki squeals and runs around in circles. Shaggy laughs, taking out a pair of Uzis and blasting away. Luckily Kiki hid behind Obelix and Obelix is much kinder to animals than Ancalagon is. The bullets just bounce off of Obelixs enormous girth and Obelix gets angry. Shaggy isnt fazed but going over to the gargantuan gaul he lands a solid right fist at Obelixs face which never gets there due to the fact that Obelix stopped it. In swift motion Obelix breaks Shaggys arm and pounds him over the head with his menhir. Shaggy keels over but manages to stay conscious...for about 2 more seconds, as Ancalagon himself comes over and body slams the freak into the ground and torches himself completely. Just as soon as thats done, a bald worker with a moustache from that Looney Tunes episode comes into the arena with a can of cement and pours it over Shaggy, covering him, and then begins to pave it. Kiki, Obelix, and Ancalagon blink in confusion.

Kiki advances to Round 2!

----

9,000,000 Bicycles vs. Master Hand

House fighters are Tira & Hamlet.

The bicycles swarm the arena and immediately stop. Suddenly there is an evil laugh, and a HUGE floating white glove comes down to meet them. Tira has heard of the tales of this evil being, and clenches her teeth, but Hamlet has not, and gives a laugh...and is toasted by some Bombshell Bills that Master Hand fires at him moments later. The bicycles cant do anything as Master Hand begins to smite them off the platform in broken pieces and flaming objects. Suddenly, Martijn stands up from the audience and says something that sounds like a spell in Dutch. Suddenly rocket-packs appear on the seats of the bicycles, and Master Hand recoils a bit. Suddenly for the third time...the bicycles rise into the air and charge Master Hand. Master Hand vanishes, appears in the background and punches off half of the remaining bicycles. But he loses about 200 health due to the charge. The bicycles turn about and charge again. Immediately, Master Hand summons his brother, Crazy Hand, who joins him in the battle, but Exa-Gore-Ic also appears and reminds Master Hand that he cant summon something of equal power or more powerful than him, and implodes Crazy Hand. Due to this distraction, the last of Master Hands health is drained but due to Master Hand nicking an Action Replay from a store, he gives himself 500 more health and 11 lives, because infinite would be way too overkill. The bicycles regroup and charge again but Master Hand rockets into them and blows them to smithereens in a single explosion connected with many smaller ones. Martijn scats away before the smell of burning rubber finds its way under his nose. Master Hand somehow is able to laugh, and suddenly snares Tira and vanishes. Lord DoomForAll vanishes as well to rescue her for reasons unknown and he and Master Hand have a huge interdimensional fight in which DoomForAll wins but lets Master Hand live for his next fight...

Master Hand advances to Round 2!

More fights up later :lame:.

Take your time with them. We cant wait to see them.