Well that was... interesting.
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Well that was... interesting.
1. Solstice 2.0 and Xianghua II as a HW clusterbot.
2. Kracko
You know where the stats are. :)
ROVERESS vs Twist of Fate vs Mega Masher 2
Get Twist of Fate into my Jaw. I have more pushing power, so I should shove him into the pit quite easily.
(Kody Entry 2) vs MINESWEEPER vs Axes of Evil
Depends on which robot Kody plans to use.
Right...the arenas been cleaned, the holes in the liferafts have been repaired, the dead have been buried and the lawsuits have been filed, and its now time for the second battle:
Kracko vs. Minesweeper vs. Axes Of Evil
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY *all roboteers give OK sign, and Kody blows bubbles*
Booth 1: Kody Kunz, Mark Elam
Booth 2: Danny Bailey
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
Just as in the first battle, there is silence for a moment as everyone works out what to do. Kracko shifts itself on its raft, but then the silence is broken by a loud noise from above, as a large anvil made of the densest material in the world (an amalgamation of nonexistium, lead, and Timothy Sillerys brain) falls through the ceiling above Minesweeper, then, as Mark looks on, smashes right through the middle of his robot without slowing, shoots down into the water, sending ripples violently across the waves, and hits the arena floor below with some speed, causing a more muffled bang than the previous one.
Everybody looks on for a moment, wondering precisely what happened, then a sound is heard similar to what happens when you pull the plug in a very full bath, and a small whirlpool appears in the middle of the arena, sucking what remains of Minesweeper down into the void and plugging the hole, meaning Kracko and Axes Of Evil were through as the water level in the arena slowly fell. In his control pod, Danny thanked the writer silently for letting him win two battles without even having to do anything.
(EDIT: CEASE)
Minesweeper is swept up, as Kracko and Axes Of Evil go through!
(Message edited by joeychevron on May 05, 2008)
That made my day :rofl:
Thankyou. I aim to please.
Name - Woody-Me-Do
Weight - 100kg
Shape - Invertible Box with front wedge
Armour - 15mm Pine
Weapons - Rear spike
Speed - 20 mph
Drive - Lem 130s, similar to storm 2
Wheels - 4 Large wheels
Summary - Its made of wood, so its surprisingly stronger than you would be expecting, also it can float
Strengths - Nifty on its feet, built to last
Weaknesses - Its made of wood
Joey, how could you kill me and let Mark live?:wink:
Youre not dead...not in this universe anyway.
OK, since this is a comedy tourney stats are very basic. You want comedy bots? I got comedy bots:proud:
Twist of Fate
Shape: A bit like a pencil
Speed: 15 MPH.
Armour: 5 mm Hardox
GC: 2 CMs
Locomotion: 4 inner wheels.
Weapon: Full body drill :proud: €¦More or less. The tip middle and rear spin around and are shaped like a drill bit, only the parts with wheels don€™t spin.
Srimech: Shape is a rollover design, and the rolling body will right it if it does get stranded. It it€™s leaning against a wall the weapon can be reversed and still right it.
Verticality
Shape: Like a coin, stood on its edge.
Speed: Up to 200 MPH
Armour: 4 MM hardox, and two cages made of 5 mm Ti bars on the sides. More on this later.
GC: 0 under the track, 3 CM under the armour.
Weapon: Vertical FBS. The teeth are arrayed on the sides and front of the armour, and are small enough there not to hit the floor.
Locomotion: One track, powered by several LEM 200s. There is a large fan on either side to provide steering. I saw something similar in Technogames on a robot that went on to be runner up in the race event, so believe it or not this system does really work. The fans are protected by the Ti cages.
Shrimech: None, but I believe the fans will stop it going over easily.
Right...unfortunately, there was a large leak in the arena after the last fight, so the fights will now take place in the arena itself, albeit a slightly damp arena with cardboard covering the hole made by the anvil.
The next fight I will do is...
Opened By Transfer vs. Solstice 2.0/Xianghua II vs. War! HUNH! What is it good for?
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY
Booth 1: Dave Sheppard, Edwin Starr
Booth 2: Kody Kunz
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
Opened By Transfer immediately begins to move out, towards Solstice 2.0 which begins to spin up, but up in the control pod David and Edwin appear to be having some disagreements, and Edwin is climbing out of the cherry picker...down the set, as Kody watches while pondering whether to alert the arena safety people or order a KFC. He picks up the phone and leans back to ask Dave what he wants across the arena.
Edwin has finished his descent, and steps over the barrier into the arena, and walks out to stop in front of Opened By Transfer, which ceases moving. There is an agonising silence, as Edwin produces a hat out of nowhere, Dave stares incredulously, and Kody tries to remember what the address of the arena is.
In the middle of the arena, all the spotlights suddenly focus on Edwin Starr, who clears his throat and begins to sing:
War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again, yall
War, HUNH!, good God
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me
Ohhh, war, I despise
Because it means destruction
Of innocent lives
War means tears
To thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go to fight
And lose their lives
I said, war, HUNH!
Good God, yall
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
War, whoa, Lord
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me
War, it aint nothing
But a heartbreaker
War, friend only to the undertaker
Ooooh, war
Its an enemy to all mankind
The point of war blows my mind
War has caused unrest
Within the younger generation
Induction then destruction
Who wants to die
Aaaaah, war, HUNH!
Good God yall
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it, say it, say it
War, HUNH!
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me
War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
War, HUNH!, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again yall
War, HUNH!, good God
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me
War, it aint nothing but a heartbreaker
War, its got one friend
Thats the undertaker
Ooooh, war, has shattered
Many a young mans dreams
Made him disabled, bitter and mean
Life is much to short and precious
To spend fighting wars these days
War cant give life
It can only take it aw-1>aaaaaaaaayyyyyyy-2>yyyyyargharghargh...
Kody, holding the crowbar in one hand and a box of Crispy Strips in the other, nods with approval as Dave releases his grip on Edwins neck, reminding him that hes supposed to be dead. The robots batteries are all dead, so I suppose Solstice/Xianghua and Opened By Transfer are through, as Dave shakes hands with Kody before trying to find his barbecue sauce.
CEASE
After another fight where the writer didnt bother looking up stats, Xianghua/Solstice and Opened By Transfer go through to round 2!
Cheers for the KFC Kody :)
But hey the motorless ObT won its first battle :proud:
No problem. :proud:
Prediction for the next fight: randomness. :proud:
Fight 4:
(Martijn entry 2) vs. Verticality vs. Nitro-Gene 4.0
Seeing as how I feel like being weird today, and Martijn hasnt got his second entry in, he will today be driving Brown Trousers Time, an aluminium invertible box with a rear wedge, driven by LEM130s at 36v and a front disc weapon, that is spun from a petrol engine within five seconds to over 60,000 million revolutions per second. Yes, it genuinely is brown trousers time. :proud:
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY
Booth 1: Frank Goacher, Martijn Benschop
Booth 2: Paul Cuomo
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
Immediately Verticality begins to spin up, the forces of the weapon making it roll slightly backwards, and as Frank attempts to correct this there is immediately a problem; the combined forces of the disc going effectively backwards and the track going forwards are creating an effect similar to a frenetic and emotionally scarred hamster running up a tired and slippy treadmill - i.e. nothing. Nitro-Gene comes in to try and flip Verticality, but on the other side of the arena, Martijn presses the button for Brown Trousers Times disc to spin up.
What happens next will probably be studied for many months to come, and will go down in history as both a milestone in mankinds technological advancement and a sign of my shaky grasp of physics. As the disc begins to spin to maximum speed, the velocity of it creates an irreversible tear in the space-time fabric of the world, as speeds of over ten thousand miles an hour causing everything around the disc to be sucked into the black hole, the antimatter vortex caused by the spinner. Verticality, with its shaky grip on the arena floor, is first, flying in towards Brown Trousers Time and then vanishing in a flash of magnolia light. Nitro-Genes four wheel drive assists it in clinging to the arena floor for just a few more moments, the flipper firing in desperation, but as the vented gas is flung to the centre of the growing storm, so is Nitro-Gene. Paul stares in disbelief at the scene, while Martijn gasps at what he has created, and Frank makes the fatal mistake of scratching his head, and is torn headlong from his seat and into the zone of rupture before Martijn has the chance to stop the spinning and attempt to repair what he has done.
The rend remains, but the effects are no longer present...that which has been lost, though, cannot be regained.
CEASE
Brown Trousers Time is through to round 2!
You know, Joey, you are probably going to kill me through excessive amounts of hilarity over the course of this tournament :rofl:
Thats the point :proud: You shall all dieeeeeeeeee....
This the funniest thing since... Epic Movie!
Could we have a orgue at the end of the tournament, the death toll is already pretty high thanks to Frank scratching his head at the wrong moment!
And speaking of Martijn, he hasnt logged in a while, hasnt been posting tactics in Robot SMASH!!
Maybe he died in the real life counterpart of this tourney.
Either that or he hasnt had the time to take in the awesomeness I have granted upon him. Or something like that anyway...
Next fight: Roveress vs. Twist Of Fate vs. Mega Masher 2
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY
Unfortunately, while Mega Masher and Twist OF Fate are in the arena and ready, Mark Elam and Roveress are nowhere to be seen. Chris and Franks court-appointed-driving-person-after-his-untimely-death-by-brown-trousers are looking confused, and a quick check of the news reveals that Mark and Roveress have been discovered by a Russian space probe, to have somehow ended up in Uranus. This means that Mega Masher and Twist Of Fate will get byes to round two, as once again our heroic writer gets out of actually writing a battle in an extremely cheap way.
Mega Masher and Twist OF Fate are through to round 2!
Lets hope Mark STAYS on Uranus, or even better, goes up his own anus and stays there.
:lol:
LMAO!!! :lol:
Seriously, Paul, Ive completely forgotten you were once a n00b. That was brilliant. :rofl:
(Message edited by kodster on May 07, 2008)
And now: Beta-Rex vs. Woodpecker vs. Spring-BOK!
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY
Booth 1: Dan Stickler
Booth 2: Liam Eliot, Chris Mason
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
Spring-BOK! is the first off the mark, coming in towards Woodpecker, who turns towards its approaching opponent with the axe raised in warning. Beta-Rex comes in, bisecting the two opponents, who continue to come closer to each other, before Spring-BOK! breaks out in a charge straight for the front of Woodpecker.
Unfortunately, the cardboard covering the hole in the arena isnt very strong, and Chris mistakenly drives over it and it promptly collapses, causing Spring-BOK! to topple in to the hole beneath it and down through a deep channel into the Earths core, thus meaning Woodpecker and Beta-Rex are through almost by default.
Spring-BOK! manages to survive the journey through the molten rock and iron in the centre of the planet without a scratch, and ends up coming out of the other side of Earth at a speed greater than the terminal velocity, meaning the gravitational pull of the Earth has no effect on it as it continues outwards into the stars.
Years pass, and eventually Spring-BOK! lands on a small planet covered in dense undergrowth, in a far off star system. There, the robot lies until it is discovered by a primitive alien race, who are fascinated by the appearance of this orange being from another land. Until the end of all time, Spring-BOK! remains in a temple on this planet and is worshipped as a god, with millions of devoted followers wearing orange fur costumes, and the exalted priests conducting their duties from large car suspension springs.
CEASE
Beta-Rex and Woodpecker are through to the next round!
And finally: Woody-me-do vs. Knyfe vs. Weapons Synergy
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY
Booth 1: Dave Sheppard, Paul Cuomo, Dan Stickler
Booth 2: Dan Stickler, Dan Stickler, Dan Stickler, Dan Stickler
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
And the robots are off...no they arent, as it turns out nobody has put the links in on any of them. As everyone sits around wondering what happens now, a scruffy 16-year-old tournament writer enters the middle of the arena, and announces that because he cant be arsed to write a fight, and having 12 in the next round is ideal because it lets him have four three way melees, he will select the winner based on the personal preference of a girl in the third row of the audience with rather large breasts.
She is blindfolded and taken to the centre of the arena, and the writer places her on a swivel chair and spins her around several times, before asking her to point somewhere, and she points...
...
...at Woody-me-do. Dave looks relieved, Dan looks dejected, and Paul just looks at his watch.
CEASE
Woody-me-do goes through to round two!
And with that out of the way, here is the draw for round two:
Woody-me-do vs. Kracko vs. Cat With Wheels
Brown Trousers Time vs. Beta-Rex vs. Axes Of Evil
Woodpecker vs. Without You (With You was too waterlogged to continue) vs. Mega Masher 2
Twist Of Fate vs. Solstice 2.0/Xianghua II vs. Opened By Transfer
Send in your tactics, predictions, and comments please, by phone, post, fax, carrier pigeon, telepathy or smoke signals.
Woody-me-do vs. Kracko vs. Cat With Wheels
Spin around in a fashion that summons Kirby to the arena and suck them all up for me. :proud: Failing that, kill. :proud:
Twist Of Fate vs. Solstice 2.0/Xianghua II vs. Opened By Transfer
Attack house robots that are not in this competition. :proud:
Throw my transmitter at Danny:proud:
Then repeatedly throw peanuts at Martijn, and maybe shoot some spit-balls:mrgreen:
I have sent you my tactics via carrier pigeon
MEGA MASHERS TACTICS
OK, Ill just give Mega Masher the controls, and let him do what he wants. Im going to find that girl from the last fight and give her a wedgie. Maybe a spanking.
And so, Round One is over and Round Two has begun, with more fun! More randomness! More likelihood of Kane having to edit my posts! :proud:
First, even though its third: Woodpecker vs. Without You vs. Mega Masher 2
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY *all roboteers stand very by*
Booth 1: Chris Mason, Dan Stickler
Booth 2: Martijn Benschop
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
Without You immediately begins to spin up, as Woopecker comes forward and tries to box rush its opponent, slamming into the front of Without You in a shower of sparks from the bar, but Daniel manages to get an axe hit in on one of the rear wheels of its adversary, and after a few more hits jams the blade down between the wheel and the bodywork, locking them together. Mega Masher, meanwhile, is controlling itself, and appears to be having difficulty reconciling its prerogative to cause damage with its inner spirit wishing to run free, and the result of this would seem to involve a lot of ramming into the angle grinders.
Chris hasnt noticed this, though, as his eyes are firmly fixed on a young woman in the audience, radiating a look somewhere between lust and childlike wonder. She appears to be returning his interest, and he slowly rises from his seat and approaches her through the crowd, as if he were walking on air. One cliche leads to another, and before long they are in each others arms inside an oak panelled country cottage, with a roaring fire and violin music playing. It is as if they only exist for each other, and the entire world and all of history have all built up to this one momen-
CRASH!
What was that?
Its...I dont know for sure, but...Ellen, this may not make sense to you right now, and Im sorry, but I have to go
Oh, Chris...Why? We could have been so happy together...
I know, but-
CRASH!
-its Brown Trousers Time
*giggle* Oh, Chris, youre so witty...
No, it genuinely is. Its a robot, and it has a disc-
Oh, darling, not those dastardly robots again. Cant we focus on more pressing things, like why half of our lovely house has suddenly disappeared?
*sigh* Thats the reason. Its disc spins so fast, it actually bends the space time structure that holds the universe together.
What?
It messes things up, and its caused so much damage, it-
CRASH!
-actually its effects are beginning to reach into the previous battle!
NO!
CRASH!
Chris, hold on to me!
Im trying Ellen, but...if we dont make it through...
CRASH!
...I love you...
CRASH!
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
As the words left Chriss lips, he was torn from his peace and into the rend in the fabric of the world, leaving naught but memories behind.
***
-2>Meanwhile, in the arena Without You had lost a drivechain from Woodpeckers attack and had long been immobilised, but thats not important right now. We must just sit and remember what could have been...
CEASE
Woodpecker goes through to the semi finals!
(Message edited by joeychevron on May 07, 2008)
*fits woody-me-do with Russia-sized plot hole generator machine*
Brown Trousers Time vs. Beta-Rex vs. Axes Of Evil
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY
Booth 1: Liam Eliot, Martijn Benschop
Booth 2: Danny Bailey, several voodoo priests and a lot of incense
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
In an effort to protect himself from the power of Brown Trousers Time, Danny appears to have invested in voodoo rituals to protect his machine, which has lots of arcane spells written on it; Sabo Sabo Sabo Asreje ja je and Call 100-999-777 for hot action among others. Axes Of Evil drives forward erratically, following some geometrical pattern as Danny is guided by a man wearing black robes and a teapot on his head, while Beta-Rex speeds across the arena to try and prevent Martijn from spinning his disc up.
Liam crashes his robot into the weapon, and throws his controls at the Dutch roboteer, who is angered and warns Liam that he will regret doing that for the rest of his life.
He then presses the button to spin up the disc.
Within a second, all of Dannys voodoo protection has ceased to exist, thrown into the reopened rend in time created by Brown Trousers Time. Martijn cackles madly as both opposing robots and one of the arena angle grinders simply vanish in flashes of escaping light, and the effect of the weapon grows wider, as Boris Yeltsin, William Pitt The Younger, Harald Hardrada and Christopher Mason all suddenly materialise in the arena and instantly meet their deaths in the tornado that rips through the antimatter fabric of the universe.
To quote a Mr. Kody Kunz sitting in the front row of the audience who watched this fight, What the @!#%?! was that!?!
CEASE
Brown Trousers Time progresses to the semi finals!
I plan to come back from Uranus at 999 billion mph, and smash into a robot, causing a shockwave which will destroy 1 of the 2 remaining robots.
Little does Joey know that Ive managed to re-animate myself within the body of Mega Masher 2. So, basically, Im now part human, part robot.
Mark, if that happens youll hit the Earths atmosphere and burn up practically instantaneously, and any shockwave you create will be nothing compared to what Brown Trousers Time will do to you if by some miracle you survive. :proud:
Chris, that plot line leads only to bad movies. Do not go there :P
*Now covered in hardox plating with the vertical disc of MM2 sticking out where the tail bone would be*
You could have warned me BEFORE I underwent the operation.
...Chris, youre still out of the tournament :proud:
*transforms himself into an anthro version of Nidhogg in case Chris retaliates*
Woody-me-do vs. Kracko vs. Cat With Wheels
ROBOTEERS, STAND BY
Booth 1: Dave Sheppard, Danny Bailey
Booth 2: Kody Kunz
3
2
1
ACTIVATE
Kracko immediately begins to spin up, as Cat With Wheels turns right and goes in towards Woody-me-do, which tries to dodge the oncoming attack, but end up riding up the front wedge of Cat With Wheels flipper...
FLIP! Woody lands near a spinning Kracko, which comes in and snaps a splinter away from the wooden armour with considerable force, knocking Woody away from it and towards the pit...it regains traction though and moves away, back in towards Cat With Wheels, as Splinter comes back from its resting place and in towards the Cat, which is now facing a two pronged attack, and though it is able to get under Woody again, the axe blade of Splinter catches behind the flipper as it fires, causing the Cat to do a small wheelie.
Meanwhile, Kracko comes in on Woody, which rather understandably runs away, and Cat With Wheels manages to squeeze out of the grip of Splinter just before it is able to close the claws. Splinter now goes for Kracko, Leo perhaps hoping to stop the spinning, but just before they make contact with each other the robots freeze in their current positions.
Everybody is puzzled, and is then teleported away from the arena and onto a large space warship, where a quiz show set has been constructed, with each roboteers robot in front of a podium. Leo, Dave, Kody and Danny take their seats, still confused, before the confusion increases as Elvis Presley comes from behind a curtain, giving a small shake of his hips before taking the seat at the hosts desk, to appreciative applause.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Battle Three, the quiz show where we test peoples knowledge of Robot Wars, uhuhuh, and offer them the chance to win fabulous CASH and PRIZES!
*cheering; Dave mouths something to Kody, who shakes his head*
First, lets get it on, uhuhuh, with the first round; Series Three!
Elvis turns to Kody, who finds himself and Kracko oddly illuminated.
Kody, which robot in series 3 had purple fur?
An odd ticking begins to resonate throughout the ship.
Was it Purple Predator?
BUZZ
No, Im afraid it was Wel-Dor. You, uhuhuh, are out of the game!
Kody begins to protest, but looks above him to see a sixteen tonne weight falling down. He tries escaping, but is squashed, accompanied by a farting sound effect.
Such a pity there, out on the first question. Now, Dave, name a fight in series 3 that Hypnodisc won
Hypnodisc versus 101, semi final 2, fight 6
BUZZ
No, uhuhuh, the acceptable answers were T II versus Vector, Chaos 2 versus Trident, and Technophobic against Pitbull. You were completely wrong...
Dave attempts to jump out of his seat to avoid the weight, but as he gets halfway across the set he is suddenly hit by a large fly swat and lies dead on the floor.
Two down already, this aint good. Now, Danny, which is the odd robot out of these four: Facet, Chaos 2, Gravedigger, and Crasha Gnasha?
Um, Crasha Gnasha, because it was the only one that didnt have a flipper?
BUZZ
No, uhuhuh, the correct answer was Firestorm, because it was the only one with yellow paintwork
Danny sighs, and one second later a window in the starship opens and he is sucked out in to space.
My oh my, we do have some people here who just dont know their stuff! Now, Leo...are you actually the only person left here?
Yes, I am, in fact I wasnt actually expecting to be in this fight at all
Well, thats darn bad, but its darn good as well, because that means you, Leo van Miert, are the CHAMPION!
Confetti instantly begins to fall from the ceiling, as dancing girls begin to conga across the set and Elvis presents Leo with a very nice trophy, a set of brand new toothbrush heads, and a leather bound chest containing several million pounds in gold and various gemstones.
Thankyou all for tuning in to another episode of Battle Three, here on FRA One. Just before we go, uhuhuh, none of this actually happened. Tune in next time for some more fun and action, just dont step on my blue suede shoes, uhuhuh
There is a flash of light, and everyone finds themselves back in the arena, but before anything else happens...
CEASE
Splinter goes through to the semi finals!
*shoots Leo* :)
Incidentally, Mark, this is the correct way to insert peoples robots into tournaments when they havent entered them. :wink:
Who cares if Im out of the tournament? At least Im alive.
...and yet I have the strange urge to take the battery out of my DS and eat it.
...may I ask why?