The Last Oddetsey

MAIN PARTY

The dead cat levitates for a second before suddenly a small crustacean face pops out of the felines mouth

"Hey, what are you doing to my house! Come on man, I only just paid off my mortgage!"

Meanwhile, a closer inspection of the church leads the party to believe that this isn't in any way a villain base, although the stylings are unmistakeable to Vengeance. Staring through the front door there seems to be a golden large statue of Vengeance, albeit one with a physique less like the reality and more like a grecian statue. He holds his distinctive cane in one hand, and a globe in the other, and stares imperiously down at it like a benevolent conqueror.

Inside they can hear a song announced as "The Second Coming by Phil Harmonik" which seems to be some bizarre mixture of classic rock and a hymn. At the rear of the room there appears to be some text written across a huge panel so everyone can see it, although you are currently too distant to read what it actually says. There is a creature which can broadly described as a kangaroo but with the skin of a cucumber handing out fliers near the door.

_________________________________________________

Aurelia


Descending from the clouds towards the figures, she addresses them with her questions. Several of them turn their heads to look at her, in the manner of an owl rotating its head, and thus gives the disconcerting impression their neck will snap. Their faces remain masks though, not even the slightest movement in their features betrays their thoughts. Some glowing symbols appear in the air above their heads, and though Aurelia doesn't recognise their specific meaning in that form, looking upon them suddenly burns the thoughts into her mind with a sharp pain.

"SERAPHIM - WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE HERE?"

________________________________________

SPOD

Spod enters the shop and looks around, for all intents and purposes it is a junk shop, and thousands of objects both everyday and mundane litter the room. Suddenly from a darkened corner of the back of the room a strange creature extracts itself - initially it seems like a huge spider, but it quickly reveals itself to be made of brass. There appears to be little in the way of a central body, and it possesses dozens of delicate looking limbs with small gripping ends meaning that only a tiny portion of its weight rests on any point at a time. A human brain appears to be wired up in the central section using electrodes and appears to be operating this strange creature.

At this point it unfurls one more set of arms, one with a set of teeth like a comb of varying thickness and the other like the needle on a record player, and proceeds to rub one against the other in an intricate way that just about manages to simulate something recognisable as human speed, albeit very scratchy.

"WELLLCOOOMMME TO SPRONDINKLES BARTER SHOP, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO TRADE STRANGE ROCKY CREATURE?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gaunt

"You say an awful lot about yourself Professor" Gaunt said, delightedly overemphasizing his title. "But you seem to be purposefully leaving out all the important details. I have no doubt you have your uses. I would expect any super-villain worth his salt to claim as much as you. What I want to know is why the rest of this group is so worried about you. They obviously know something about you that goes beyond usual self-centered villainy. All the same I appreciate you speaking so plainly."

"Need you do we?" Gaunt continued. "I wonder why you seek our approval. You talk of us casting you out, so you seem more than prepared to go it alone as it is." Gaunt smiled broadly, but it was a sharks grin. All teeth and maliciousness. "Do you know what I think? I think you need us and you don't want to tell us why. Making blasters out of scrap! No doubt such things will be of great use against that!" Gaunt pointed towards the speck in the sky.

"You are a survivor, I don't doubt that at all. But a life-boat?" Impossibly, Gaunt's smile widened. "That is one of the best jokes I've heard in a long time and I REVEL in them! No, I would not trust to even walk to the end of this block with you! Not unless everyone else begged to go with you."

---

Heh.

You're clever. I like you.

I must admit the prospect of going solo in a semi-apcoalyptic wasteland plagued with religious xenophobic ducks from outer space doesn't exactly thrill me. If needs must, I suppose, but still even I appreciate a helping hand no and then, even if it has to be from a mob of weirdoes I've only just met. "Better the devil you know", eh?

Hehe. "Devil".

And why are they so scared? Zod knows. I may threaten the odd government body with flocks of gargantuan mutant mega-chickens, but according to that lot, I'm Jack the Ripper, Ed Gein and Piers Morgan combined! Believe me, good sir, no-one is more interested in my apparent reputation here than me.

(Oh yes, mock the gun now. You won't be laughing when some malevolent gamesmaster challenges us to life-or-death laser tag and everybody else forgets to pack heat.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Playzooki

"Yes professor, weall know you are smart and clever. But can you do this?"

playzooki levitates a nearby dead cat with his nose hair.

"Im willing to let you into our group. But you must realize we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and must work together."

---

Yes, yes, yes. Of course. Anything for a fan, Mr...Playzooki, was it? There's no fear on that front, I can assure you of that. Even a genius knows his limits. That's what makes him such a genius!

(Don't stare at the hair. Don't stare at the hair. Don't stare at the hair. Don't stare at the hair. Good God, it's like the Flying Spaghetti Monster up there!)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Marisa

"Well like him or hate him, it wouldn't hurt having a 'god' on our side for a bit, ze. Think of the things we could get away with! Besides, any of the gods I ever got to hang out with were neat. Granted one of them tried to wreck our little corner of the world but hey, all in fun right?" she grinned, "He'll just make things interesting!"

---

Well, thank you, my dear! You know, perhaps I was too quick to judge you all. Some of you seem to have impeccable taste!

I must admit that my past experiences with witchcraft have not been entirely pleasant ("Ffo reggub!" yourself, Ms Zatanna!), so if even a lady of your, um, heritage can appreciate my company, then I'll gladly accept your offer of an olive branch. Or should that be "broom"?

(I'll need all the mindless praise I can get at this point, anyway, I'll wager. I don't see this trip doing wonders for my self-esteem.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Marisa

She paused, looking a bit puzzled, before adding "You have weird taste in shrines though, Professor Vengance god guy."

---

That's nothing, my dear. You should have seen the seabase shaped like a giant enemy crab.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Our Humble Narrator

MAIN PARTY
Meanwhile, a closer inspection of the church leads the party to believe that this isn't in any way a villain base, although the stylings are unmistakeable to Vengeance. Staring through the front door there seems to be a golden large statue of Vengeance, albeit one with a physique less like the reality and more like a grecian statue. He holds his distinctive cane in one hand, and a globe in the other, and stares imperiously down at it like a benevolent conqueror.

---

Huh.

Well, that's a very...liberal interpretation of things, I must say. Even my own statues don't over-exaggerate quite that much in the pectoral department. I'm a little bit cheerier for one thing...and a...a l-l-lot less underdressed than this one. Oh my.

(Oh god, oh god. No! Control yourself! No blushing in front of the weirdoes!)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Our Humble Narrator

Inside they can hear a song announced as "The Second Coming by Phil Harmonik" which seems to be some bizarre mixture of classic rock and a hymn. At the rear of the room there appears to be some text written across a huge panel so everyone can see it, although you are currently too distant to read what it actually says. There is a creature which can broadly described as a kangaroo but with the skin of a cucumber handing out fliers near the door.

---

Phil Harmonik? As in Phil Harmonik Orchestra? Really?

I mean they're good, don't get me wrong, but I'd hardly call songs like Easy-Please Me or Stop, Drop & Rock 'n' Roll hymn-worthy material, you know.

Hang on, is that a-

Finally, someone to complain to! I say, hello? Reverend Skippy? A word in your ears; all of them!

----------------------------------------------------

[Goddamnit, Alex, stop updating while I'm still typing! :lame:]

Did Eudial just give him a 'thanks'? Twitch was a little taken aback by the usually stoic woman in red's remarks, but decided not to say anything more of it. He was rather more interested in this apparent church, more specifically why there was a looming Professor Vengeance situated in through the doorway, clad entirely in gold. He flew up to the doors of the building, leaving the Professor to his own devices, and peered through the windows, trying to make out what the panel in the background said.

Noticing the party moving again, Eudial jumped a bit and hurried after them. The cathedral of sorts was quite spacious, and though it didn't quite resemble your usual "bad guy" headquarters, there was something forboding about it. Especially that statue of - WHAT?

Eudial gawked. A statue - of the Professor?! What in hell's acre?! Are you KIDDING me?!? screamed her own voice, pounding through her head. What kind of f***ing god complex does this guy have?!? Forgetting that Cleo (the psycat) would probably hear that, she continued to be flabbergasted by the statue until a faint tune could be heard.

"Huh?" Turning away from the statue, she strained her ears. What kind of music was this? Nothing she would like. Her expression now distasteful, she stared around (determinedly not at the statue). There was some sort of marsupial being nearby with an odd skin colour distributing leaflets. Most peculiar.

Feeling it best to remain quiet for now, Eudial slunk to near the back of the group. She didn't know whether to laugh hysterically, scream insults at the Professor, break down into a blubbering mess, or continue to stand there looking foolish.

(I'll fill in the talking to the Cucumberoo later, for now here is Twitch's reading)

As Twitch reads the board it turns out to be a bit of detail on the basic mythology of the Church of Vengeance - apparently he is not worshipped as such, but more regarded as the highest of Saints, and the prophet of the Multiverse. It details that he has been here twice before - the first time he arrived when the world was young and aided in the fight against the evil of Berenhotep - the first great evil to enter the world. He stayed for a while but eventually vanished back to where he had come from. The second time was many centuries years later, when he helped rid the world of the darkplague. It then goes into some apocrypha however - he will apparently return once more, and his arrival will signal the end of the multiverse as he reclaims his relic from the Grand Cathedral, smites the unbelievers and gives his decision to the Lord of who should be spared.

"Okay," Twitch told himself, "so people here think the Professor guy is some kind of deity...that's either really good or really bad." He carried on reading through the scripture, not realising his magnet had become caught on the door handle. Berenhotep, he had no idea who that was, and probably didn't wish to find out any time soon. The darkplague as well, a lesson on that could wait until later. The macaw was more interested in what it was foretold the Professor would be doing in his latest jaunt through this place.

"Vengy?" he asked. If the Professor was as clever as he boasted, and as powerful as this church proclaimed, surely he'd be able to figure out Twitch meant him. "Where's the Grand Cathedral, what's the relic you're reclaiming, why is it there, and how will that end the multiverse?"

As the group continued on, Gaunt continued staring intently at Vengenace all the way until they arrived at the Church. Gaunt could only shake his head at how over the top the whole thing seemed. He scoffed at the large statue and walked over to where Kangaroo-creature was handing out fliers to take one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alex_holt

Aurelia


Descending from the clouds towards the figures, she addresses them with her questions. Several of them turn their heads to look at her, in the manner of an owl rotating its head, and thus gives the disconcerting impression their neck will snap. Their faces remain masks though, not even the slightest movement in their features betrays their thoughts. Some glowing symbols appear in the air above their heads, and though Aurelia doesn't recognise their specific meaning in that form, looking upon them suddenly burns the thoughts into her mind with a sharp pain.

"SERAPHIM - WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE HERE?"

---

"I... seem to be lost, taken against my will, which for a woman of my stature is both rare and disturbing. There are others too, individuals that wisely left this location."

She pauses for a second.

"My purpose is to learn the purpose of this place. All I know now is that in this location beings are stored against their will, it even acted as a prison for a force of the light for a significant amount of time, and that now it hosts an event that no mere mortal should ever have to observe. Your cooperation would be highly appreciated."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NFX

"Where's the Grand Cathedral, what's the relic you're reclaiming, why is it there, and how will that end the multiverse?"

---

End the - wait! The MULTI-VERSE?!? And that meant... !!!

At long last, it seemed to be clicking in Eudial's mind. If the multi-verse was going to end, then all worlds, galaxies, and alternate universes were as well. Including...

"Home..." she gasped. "No. No way... this isn't happening..."

Okay, time-out. Perhaps she was over-dramatizing things. She looked at the others. Nobody else seemed to share her panic or alarm that their worlds would be consumed as well. In fact, she seemed to be the only one who even seemed to visibly care. But that alone freaked her out even more. How could they be so calm?! She was supposed to be the villain here! Not any of them! Why was she the only one who gave a damn about their world?!

But maybe, said another voice in her head, it's not about being good or evil, if everything is going to end. Perhaps it's about keeping a level head and making the most of what time you have, if you are able to stop this. Clearly they care, or they would not have followed this Professor fool. And at any rate, even he doesn't seem to realize much of the situation. This calmed her down, and she resumed her usual attitude. She strode up to Vengeance, no longer intimidated by him.

"All right, I've had enough of this," said Eudial. She was still pale, but her mind was set. "You're holding a great deal back, and now that my own world is in jeopardy, I demand answers. Who exactly are you, and what do you have to do with this? And I mean ANYTHING to do with this. I've misjudged you up until now. Tell me everything!"

Spod is slightly taken aback by the weird spider creature's question, after a moment he realises he still has the expensive ball gown;

"Sprondinkles, all I have of value is this rather expensive looking ball gown, what have you of use that you will trade for it? A way to return home? Or perhaps information?"