Team Gore Presents: ATTTWI

Norbert the rabies infected cat vs. Blaze Ya Dead Homie

House fighters are Ancalagon and Exa-Gore-Ic.

The cat, namely a Siamese, has already attacked Blaze, scratching and biting like mad. Norbert touches Blaze and they engage in an RPG match. Erhem...

*cheesy RPG music*

NORBERT
HP: 25/25

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE
HP: 25/25

NORBERT USES SCRATCH.
BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE TAKES 1 DAMAGE.

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE USES STOMP.
NORBERT TAKES 5 DAMAGE.

NORBERT
HP: 20/25

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE
HP: 24/25

NORBERT USES HOWL.
NORBERTS ATTACK ROSE!

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE USES STUPID GUN ON NORBERT.
NORBERT BECOMES STUPID.

NORBERT IS STUPID.
NORBERT TRIPS OVER HIS TAIL AND CAUSES 5 DAMAGE TO HIMSELF.

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE USES SHOT GUN.
NORBERT TAKES 1,000,000,000,000 DAMAGE.

NORBERT
HP: 0/25

BLAZE YA DEAD HOMIE
HP: 24/25

Blaze Ya Dead Homie advances to Round 2!

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Rabies prawn vs. Black Mage

House fighter is The Watcher.

The prawn leaps forward like the cat did, but this time an RPG battle does not occur. Instead, its a real-time strategy battle!

Black Mage directs his forces, namely M.A.R.T.A.Ns, towards the prawn, who attacks without warning. M.A.R.T.A.Ns of course are stupid and they kill each other over a pie that was placed by Fighter nearby. Black Mage decides to play cheesy. KAMEHAMEHA! he cries and destroys the prawn with a single blast, obliterating not only the prawn but Fighter and the M.A.R.T.A.N bodies as well. However as we all know, in RTS games to kill off an opponent you must destroy the enemy stronghold too or they will regenerate. Really? Thanks, says Black Mage to the narrator. Darn it. I mean...uh...Black Mage finds the stronghold nearby: a tree. A huge tree. A tree bigger than that giant Black Mage and Fighter fought some time ago...suddenly the prawn appears, about 10x as big as it was before. Black Mage wonders why rabies-infected shrimps live in huge trees, and especially big ones, but while hes thinking this the prawn pounces on him and pins him to the ground. Its about to bite into him when Black Mage summons the power of 100 White Mages which, with a wave of their staffs, summon a gigantic blast of white fire which incinerate the tree and the prawn in one fell swoop. They forgot, hopwever, that Black Mage got caught in the fire, but since his stronghold, a majestic castle, is nearby, they dont need to worry. Black Mage re-enters the scene a second later, and pays one of the White Mages about 10 pounds for the quick appearance.

Black Mage advances to Round 2!

I smell a Pokemon player. :)

Cool I have at least one player left.

Cracking stuff again, Kody! And now, for my final Round 1 tactics.

A.T.T.T.W.I.
ROUND 1
AN ARMY OF CYBERMEN VS The fat guy from Boogie Nights (aka Philip Seymour Hoffman)

Fighting Time Lords and Daleks is one thing, but fighting a man pretending to be a gay boom operator for porn films? Thats weird even for a Doctor Who viewer. :lame:
The key to victory here will be numbers. Cybermen arent quite as tough as Daleks, but there sure are a lot of them. Also, Hoffman will find it hard to act his way out of trouble, as Cybermen are emotionless and thus immune to the charms of Oscar winners. Overpower Hoffman before he can take too many down with his boom mike and chuck him into a CyberConverter.

If things get desperate, start converting the audience. :wink:

More for you! :proud:

Daniel the Chaos Mole vs. A stingray

House fighters are Ancalagon & Exa-Gore-Ic.

Its the Chaos Mole who charges forward with an ear-splitting squeal of rage, but he cant hurt the stingray because the stingray is in a giant fishtank with bulletproof glass. However Daniel isnt called the Chaos Mole for nothing, and with another squeak, a horde of blue-footed boobies from the Galapagos Islands, which are rather tasty birds when roasted, swarm into the arena and begin pecking the glass. Another squeak, and the arena floor rumbles and legions of millipedes burst from the ground and crawl up the tank, but since the boobies are pecking the tank the milipedes cave in to the pressure and fall back onto the floor. Then Daniel summons the most frightening force yet: a surge of horned toads with laser eyes stream up from the holes the millipedes made in the floor and jump into the tank with a single bound. The stingray recoils at first, but suddenly and to the consternation of Daniel, the boobies and the millipedes, the toads disintegrate leaving skeletons of their former selves. Daniel backs away; what kind of enemy are we dealing with here, wonders the petrified mole, but he only has a second to ponder this as the stingray starts swimming around faster and faster, and the tank tips over deluging them all in the liquidy substance. Much to the surprise of the audience the liquid doesnt seem to be water as Daniel, the boobies and millipedes start to melt on the spot, and become puddles. Exa-Gore-Ic finally realizes: the liquid was not water at all but a highly corrosive isotope of hydrochloric acid that burns almost anything it touches, however the stingray had an exterior coating that repelled the effect of the acid.

A stingray advances to Round 2!

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And now for some short fights.

Raymundo vs. Mara Jade Skywalker

House fighters are Taki and Tira.

Mara Jade Skywalker, the Jedi knight, wanders the arena looking for her opponent. Shes rather angry because she lost to that stupid golden monkey from the Wars Incarnate II. Also, she notices that Tira is absent from the precedings. Taki merely shrugs and continues to slurp on her strawberry milkshake. Unfortunately for Raymundo, Tira before the match had taken a liking to him and dragged him off to Ostrheinburg where he was commited to slavery of one of the worst kinds, but I wont spoil it for you. So Mara Jade immediately advances to the next round thanks to an absence from Raymundo. Dont worry, Tira shall be punished. =D

Mara Jade Skywalker advances to Round 2!

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Cyberman Army vs. Philip Seymour Hoffman, the fat guy from Boogie Nights

House fighters are Asterix and Obelix.

The Cybermen surround Hoffman and slam into him but due to his girth they bounce off of him and fall backwards. Hoffman laughs nerdily at them. Futile seeing as thousands of spaceships filled with Cybermen inhabit the area around the arena. How rare. Anyway its impossible for poor Hoffman to win this fight, and even though he runs away from the beams they fire at them, a random safe falls on top of one of the ships, causing it to pile itself into another, and the effect is like a Domino pile; all of the ships fall out of the sky, and I said impossible before, because they all land on top of Hoffman and crush his brains out. Asterix and Obelix shrug and then proceed to beat up on the remaining Cybermen, who get the gist and get the hell out of there ASAP.

Cyberman Army advance to Round 2!

CRAZY FROGS TACTICS
Be annoying. Scream as loud as possible, creating a sort of force field.

OMG, I CAN ACCESS THIS SITE AT SCHOOL.

...kick arse. =D

Haha. Now for the final two fights.

Pee-wee Herman vs. Crazy Frog

House fighters are Hamlet and Big Mac.

Its the short guy versus the annoying amphibian. Crazy Frog starts out by parodying Justin Timberlakes newest album while riding around on a skateboard trying to run Pee-wee over. Pee-wee responds by hopping on his bike and riding away from Crazy Frog. Unfortunately for Pee-wee the evil lyrics get to him and he drives straight over the edge and...WHATS THIS!? Pee-wee hasnt fallen off of the arena, in fact, hes defying gravity! William Dijikstra shakes his fist at Pee-wee before exiting the stands in a rage. It seems that the tires on Pee-wees bike have a sticky coating that allows it to stick to any surface while still allowing movement. Unfortunately this doesnt last long, and Pee-wee finds himself stuck at the bottom of the arena with the tires only sticking to the rotating sphere in the center. What Pee-wee doesnt realize is that the sphere is electrified, and about 1,000,000 volts course through his body, charbroiling him to a crisp. However, whiles this was going on Crazy Frog was still riding around singing because he didnt know what else to do. The audience displayus mixed emotions because some hate Crazy Frog, some people dont, but Hamlet certainly DOES hate Crazy Frogs music and he proceeds to slash the singing frog into two. As this happens, Pee-wees bike loses its grip and he falls into the abyss below. Thankfully Crazy Frog kicked the bucket first so Pee-wee Herman is safe for now.

Pee-wee Herman advances to Round 2!

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A pirate vs. Anti-Matter

House fighters are Cortez & The Sickness.

The swirling ball of anti-matter actually glows black in an ominous way as its prey steps near. The pirate isnt really scared of the anti-matter, hes scared of what it can do. The anti-matter turns into a shadow of the pirate, shape and size the exact same as the real pirate. It seems that the pirate is at a loss as to what to do. Cortez, being a pirate himself, cant help but give a fellow pirate advice as to how to fight his opponent, and bends down to whisper something in the other pirates ear. The pirate thanks Cortez and turns to face the anti-pirate, who is very near by now. He grabs his cutlass and hurls it at the anti-pirate. The anti-pirate takes in the cutlass, and instantly there is a bang, and a small amount of the dark matter deteriorates. The pirate starts hurling more items at the anti-matter; a rapier, a sabre, a picture of his wife, a picture of his ex-wife, and a great white shark tooth. The anti-matter realizes a second too late that these are things that also make up the pirate, not just mass. The anti-matter lets out a howl as it implodes out of existance, but the pirate bursts into tears as he now misses the treasures he threw at the dark monster.

A pirate advances to Round 2!

Thats it for Round 1! Round 2 line-ups in a minute...

Round 2

Talkie Toaster vs. A can of Barqs root beer
Kenshiro vs. Squidward Tentacles
Violent The Wraith J vs. Hobbes
The Grim Reaper vs. Solaria Crystalwing & Nightwing
Diotoir vs. Zinedine Zidane
St. Lucifer vs. Kiki
Cheese monster vs. Google
The Mad Hatter vs. Black Mage
A Wiimote vs. XS3
Full Metal Alchemist vs. A hippopotamus
Dr. Ivo Robotnik vs. Blod
Seong Mi-Na the Phoenix vs. Major Tom
Chuck Norris vs. A ninja
Master Hand vs. Monoxide
Link vs. Samus Aran
A pirate vs. Mini Fridge
Arael vs. Blaze Ya Dead Homie
Ming Higurashi vs. Cyberman Army
Slappy Squirrel vs. Hammer Brother
Tekkaman vs. Foxpig
Stewie Griffin vs. Lord DoomForAll
Professor Vengeance vs. Jack the Ripper
Beavis vs. Slipknot
Fifi LaFume vs. A bowl of custard
Pee-wee Herman vs. Rusty nail
Mara Jade Skywalker vs. A goth who wields a tanto
Ichigo Kurosaki vs. Bun-Bun
Shadehawk vs. A stingray
A gold pocketwatch vs. Homer Simpson
Pussycat vs. Danish cartoonist

Hi

I really soulh of put upthe list of Raymundos weapons. DOH

Violent The Wraith J vs. Hobbes
Stay offstage. Then come out of nowehre. And maul. MAUL HARD.

Beavis vs. Slipknot
ROCK!!! ROCK!!!!

Pee-wee Herman vs. Rusty nail

Get a pair of pliers, put it into a glass of water, then drop it into a furnace.