Note the day.
Technically speaking I do have too much work but meh.
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Note the day.
Technically speaking I do have too much work but meh.
I€™ve decided that I€™m going to get this first round licker so here we go€¦.
A Velociraptor vs. an electrical storm
The velociraptor is getting angry, you won€™t like him when your angry, however not any more so than you€™d dislike any other angry velociraptor. The orb of life that provides the vulnerability of the storm is high in the atmosphere and nothing seems to be able to get it down. Drat. However the velociraptor€™s agent provided him with some very thick rubber boots so both sit around attempting vainly to hurt the other. This would have continued indefinalty was it not for an incredibly improbably creation of a worm hole through space and time which led to a small jungle clearing, hundreds of miles away from the storm a couple of months back. The velocriaptor treads down heavily and squashes a small red butterfly. Which incidentally in three wing beats from now would have caused the beginning of the storm that the raptor had just escaped, however will now never get the chance to.
The raptor steps back through the wormhole but nothings there the storm seems never to have existed and no one for the life of them can recall who the raptors opponent was. Oh well, the storm seems never to have existed.
The raptor advances to Round 2!
Shiva vs. Hexadecimator
This Shiva isn€™t which one was specified because I don€™t know enough about it and cannot be bothered to find out, as such tis the destroying god of Indian myth and one nasty fellow. Severely unfortunately for hexadecimator Shiva had a central third eye which burns people it gazes upon, and the robotic controls of the robot are fried making for an entirely humourless fight. How rare.
Shiva advances to round 2!
Jaina Solo vs. A London Red Bus
The jedi waves her lightsaber as she sees the monstrous blight upon the cityscape rage towards her, with the powers of the force she leaps deftly onto its rooftop and plunges the saber down, easily slicing through the pitiful fibreglass chassis of the thing (this being one with a roof) and enters in the top deck below, which for unexplained reasons is filled with zombies. Jaina would raise an eyebrow at this yet she doesn€™t have time as no amount of cutting these zombies up seems to stop them as their hands claw at her legs. Eventually she realises whats needed and uses the force to throw all the severed and irritable limbs out the hole she entered by. But on the stairs there is a sith withing a red lighsaber. This is getting weirder and weirder, how are you meant to have a cool looking fight with a sith on the steps on a London red bus. She says thi outloud and the sith sits down and agrees, this tournament is taking the micky out of all the cool moves force users have dedicated their lvies to learning. They sit there for hours and discover that they actually came from quite near each other and its surprising they€™d ever met. And spend hours chatting away about the old times and how jar jar binks ruins the new films and makes star wars so much less cool.
During this time the bus accidentally jumps a red light and is caught on camera by the overzealous police and as busses don€™t have bank accounts is unable to pay a fine and as such is clamped and elft to rust. Jaina and the sith start dating and the sith, whose name is turns out is Ronald Jones start dating, see some of these have happy endings.
Jaina solo advances to round 2!
Sticky Popcorn Cinema Floor vs. as I seem to have lost whomever was entered here I€™m just going to insert *rolls dice for random opponent* Fred, God of Woodlice and Smelling used created before Saturday 18th June 1972
Fred summons a plague of woodlice to over run the cinema, however they become glued to the floor and start forming clumps, the great god Fred saiys let their be smelling salts. And there were, as he was a god of nervous disposition he sat their sniffing them. Unfortunatly this came to the attention of Plop, the god of plastic lemon squeezers and Smelling used created after Saturday 18th June 1972, who saw that Fred was trying to extend his domain and smote him into a pile of ash.
Sticky popcorn cinema floor advances to round 2!
Kyp Durran vs. Golden Monkey
Another fight, another jedi, and most probably more typos. Anyway. The jedi sets of in search of the golden monkey, the fabled creature of legend able to grant any wish to any who can find it. The monkey is having none of it however and decides tha the last place that anyone would think to look would be Whipsnade zoo. I mean what are the odds that the monkey would be somewhere sensible? Kyp Durran meanwhile treks deep into the Himalayas where he encounters an angry yak which rams him off a cliff, causing a very unexpected end to the fight.
The Golden monkey advances to Round 2!
Sugar Cube vs. Intense Humming of Evil
And now for the final fight of round 1, the intense humming of evil, formerly the ominous humming of evil formerly evil humming, begins to hum. However little did it realise that this was taking place near the auditions for pop idol 87: the crud idol and Simon Cowell hires the humming, however the humming possesses Simon coweel and dispatches harsh judgement across the talentless teenage pop wanabees of America and gains a small fortune. He then hires hit men to take out that sugar cube who was last seen disovlving In the sea off the Texas coastline.
Intense humming of Evil advances to Round 2!
Leaving us with the following lineup, each paired up with th one next to them to save me effort.
Pussycat
Gothmog, Lord of the Balrogs
Clover Raddick
Dr Octopus
Coffee Cup
Alphonse €˜Al€™ Capone
Ruf Ruf Dougle
Evil Green Mighty Morphin Power Ranger
An Old radio
Banana Hammock
Mara Jade Skywalker
Sarcasm
A pint of milk
Pikachu
Glasgae Ned
The 5th Moon of Earth
The Wootinator
Godzilla
A triceratops
A random Dalek
Samus Aaran
brick wall
White Mazda
A duck
Electric Guitar
A white swan
Hexadecimal
Mrs. Potato Head
Funky Junkie
A hippopotamus
Dr Ivo Robotnik
a mars bar
Thomas the Tank Engine
Dick Dastardly and Muttly
Bouncy Castle
T-X
Apocalypse
Prof. Vengeance
Ringwraith
Weginator Revilotion
Basket Ball
100% Artificial Insecure Hypocritical guarantee
The Holy Bible
teapot
Miles €˜Tails€™ Prower
Homer Simpson
Velociraptor
Shiva
Jaina Solo
Sticky Popcorn Cinema Floor.
Golden Monkey
Intense Humming of Evil
draws when i can be bothered
Pussycat vs. Banana Hammock
Before the fight pussycat requests a private chat with the banana hammock, an odd request for this tournament yet he judges see no obvious problems with this. The cat goes into the room and shuts the door behind itself, and then half an hour later leaves with a Cheshire cat grin on its face.
The fight begins and the banana hammock is nowhere to be seen, after half an hour the officials go to the banana hammocks room to see if its there. They discover its been brutally torn apart by some unknown metal implement, murdered as it where no evidence as to whom can be found, however advances in forensic science implicate Andy and his Swiss Army Spoon and he is subsequently sentenced to life behind bars. The cat looks around guiltily after retracting the admantium claws it obtained in the last series.
Pussycat advances to Round 3!
Clover Raddick vs. Dr Octopus
In the events preceding this Clover was revealed to be other than she appeared, and was in fact Kody in drag. Slammer is so sickened by this he beats Kody to a pulp, literally and then feeds the remains to his pet Sid the rabid jackal. Seeing how pissed off Slammer looks Dr Octopus arms it as fast as he can into the sunset so he lives to enter round 3.
Dr Octopus Advances to Round 3!
Coffee Cup vs. Alphonse €˜Al€™ Capone
The infamous gangster hits at his desk with photographs cast about in front of him. This coffee cup dares to defy the rule of the mob, his fat cigar is smouldering gently in the corner of his mouth and he unwittingly raises a mug of coffee to his lips and takes a slurp. The arsenic and cyanide and mercury mixed in with the coffee doesn€™t take long to take hold and the infamous mob lord drops to the floor dead, a look of intense constipation on his blue face.
A mug of Coffee advances to Round 3!
Ruff Ruff Dougal vs. Evil Green Mighty Morphin Power Ranger
The mighty morphin power ranger has his damage proof skintight twit gear on and is ready to destroy all who stand in the path of the infamous green ranger. He summons up the dragon zord to confront whichever being seeks to defy him, unfortunalty for him the television studio who funds power rangers finally wake up from the coffee induced half coma they have been in for the past ten years and realise what crap they€™ve been spewing from every orifice and the entire staff of the company commit the hara kiri ritual suicide of the samurai to atone for the dishonour they bought upon themselves.
As such when ruff ruff Dougal slams into the leg of the power ranger his suit doesnt stop it and he breaks his femur and has to have a cast put on, eliminating it from the rest of the tournament.
Ruf Ruf Dougal advances to round 3!
An Old radio vs. Gothmog: Lord of the Balrogs
The ferocious flaming devil known as Gothmog flares his fiery whip in the general direction of the radio, but the mechanical contraption has a plan, it suddenly launches into the Archers, its damp and meaningless plots dousing the fire within Gothmog turning it into a creature of slime and hatred. This should technically have won it for the radio however some slime got into the workings and caused it to break, upon taking it to an electrician he shook his head and said it€™d take five weeks to get the component in, and he can€™t guarantee it€™ll work and it will cost £90. No one can be bothered with this so they declare Gothmog the winner.
Gothmog, Lord of the Balrogs Advances to Round 3!
Still to Come in Round 3:
Mara Jade Skywalker vs. Sarcasm
A pint of milk vs. Pikachu
Glasgae Ned vs. Dick Dastardly and Muttly
The Wootinator vs. Godzilla
A triceratops vs. A random Dalek
Samus Aaran vs. brick wall
White Mazda vs. A duck
Electric Guitar vs. A white swan
A mars bar vs. Mrs. Potato Head
Funky Junkie vs. A hippopotamus
Dr Ivo Robotnik vs. hexidecimator
Thomas the Tank Engine vs. The 5th Moon of Earth
Bouncy Castle vs. T-X
Apocalypse vs. Prof. Vengeance
Ringwraith vs. Wedginator Revilotion
Basket Ball vs. 100% Artificial Insecure Hypocritical guarantee
The Holy Bible vs. teapot
Miles €˜Tails€™ Prower vs. Homer Simpson
Velociraptor vs. Intense Humming of Evil
Jaina Solo vs. Sticky Popcorn Cinema Floor.
Golden Monkey vs. Shiva
oh, just noticed a mistake, apocalyse should be mr flibble
You do know that youve stuck two of mine in against each other, right? meh, whatever. Mara Jade is naturally sarcastic and so immune to pretty much any sarcasm directed at her.
Jaina does not need to step onto the floor, if anyone did, im sure that Ronald Jones wpuldnt mind being a powerful Sith and all
Shiva...burn monkey burn. heh, gone from ice to fire :p
Since this Triceratops is The One, it will be able to go into bullet time and dodge all the Daleks attacks, then use its horns to spear out the Daleks eye, causing the Dalek to run around chaotically screaming pathetically, so it can be easily finished off.
The T-X will blast the bouncy castle to deflate it, keeping at a safe distance in case the escaping air blows it away or it opens up a wormhole or something.
The Ringwraith will just bash Wedginator with its sword.
The Velociraptor will screech to drown out the Intense Humming Of Evil, and stamp its feet and tap its claws when its out of breath.
DICK & MUTTLEY: the youthful hooligans blades will have no effect on cartoon characters, so make with the TNT and, if need be, the Vulture Squadrens menagerie of planes
RANDOM DALEK: stay airborne with the Jetpack and EX-TER-MIN-ATE til dead
ROBOTNIK: The Doctor is a master of mechanics, so just dismantle the Battlebot and use its innards for part of the new Death Egg
THOMAS: ...um...how do you fight a moon? ...erm...summon the Fat Controller to colonise it? :proud:
PROFESSOR V: Mr Flibble wouldnt hurt a Red Dwarf fan... :wink:
TAILS: Mr Prower can build an fully-functioning X-Wing lookalike. Homer can barely build a spice rack. Either gun down with the bi-plane or give him a really hard brain teaser.
And now more from the tournament which is weirder than €¦. Well than€¦ err€¦ most things. Anyway€¦
Mara Jade Skywalker vs. Sarcasm
The Jedi turns on her lightsaber, but unfortunately she was already infected with sarcasm from the last round. As she was afterwards cured the rules of immunology state that if the body encounters something forum it will develop a specific immune response to this article unless it destroys the body first, as such Mara Jade has developed anti sarcasm antigens in her body. She feels ill for a few minutes, yet somehow the force powered immune system has managed to expel the virulent sarcasm from her system.
Mara Jade Skywalker advances to Round 3!
A pint of milk vs. Pikachu
Pikachu, the electronic rodent with the brains, the money and a very fast car confronts the milk. Pikachu is not a computer unlike the previous opponent and therefore will not believe itself to be cheese, and therefore will not loose like that. Pikachu thunder shocks the milk, and the glass shatters. Somehow, however the bottle reforms, its obviously taken on some of the properties of its previous opponent. Curse you skynet! Shouts pikachu, before a prolonged electric shock shoots from the rodent into the milk, curdling the milk into a solid. However this is the chance the solution needs, now it has a solid form the cheeseinator is out to destroy pikachu. Pikachu turns and gives Alex a cold look for coming up with such drivel, and then gets in his Jaguar and reversed back and forth over the stilton monster several times, creaming it.
Pikachu Advances to Round 3!
Glasgae Ned vs. Dick Dastardly and Muttley
The Glasweigan nutcase wanders around in a daze, his sharp objects are nothing but a distant memory as he searches for a new hallucinagenic of choice, biplane exhaust, the carbon monoxide in it sends his brain whirring into a pit. The due look at each other sceptically, how could they have such a run of good luck, this guy is actually killing himself on their bi plane without any need for them to be hurt painfully in the process. Glasgae Ned passes out as the carbon monoxide fills up all the haemoglobin in his body making him unable to breath oxygen. Unfortunately a token anvil hits Dastardly on the head after being dropped from a pigeon, yet he and Muttley go through to the next round.
Dick Dastardly and Muttley advance to Round 3!
The Wootinator vs. Godzilla
The man in the coffee coloured suit makes an appearance, twiling his logn cape made from coffee bean husks, and generally looking hyped up on coffee. Before him is a lizard which is the best part of 500m long. He takes a deep slurp of coffee, sighs, and then takes another one. Godzilla is intrigued, what is this substance which makes this miniscule little being so fearless? Where does he get such large quantities as to satiate his appetite from? Will he ever stop giving himself internal rhetorical questions? He realises that he doesn€™t know the answers to any of these and therefore descides to ask.
€˜Excuse me€™ me booms €˜But where might I get some of this brown fluid you love so much€™
The Wootinator thinks, then remembers his coffee related powers. His arms shift into coffee cannons, which are kind of like the hydro cannons the police use for crowd clearance, but with high quality coffee of which for some reason he himself doesn€™t know, there is a limitless supply.
both jets stream into the mouth of the huge reptile, this is good. What Godzilla didn€™t anticipate was that he€™d get high on this new €˜coffee€™ in fact he got so high and awake , he had so much energy he swam as far out to see as fast as he could to wear it off. Unfortunatly it wore off rather suddenly and Godzilla decided to sleep, this itself isn€™t a problem as the lizard is amphibious. However he happened to stop over a very deep trench, he sank to the bottom and as he tried to move again he realised his mistake. The immense pressure was holding him fast and there way no way to move. Godzilla roared in the deep, but no one was there to hear him. Back in Tokyo the Wootinator gasps as his coffee cannons finally stopped, they had got arred on on.
€˜I never want to see coffee again€™ he declared €˜Now get me a cappuccino someone€™
The Wootinator Advances to Round 3!
Still to come in Round 3€¦.
A triceratops vs. A random Dalek
Samus Aaran vs. brick wall
White Mazda vs. A duck
Electric Guitar vs. A white swan
A mars bar vs. Mrs. Potato Head
Funky Junkie vs. A hippopotamus
Dr Ivo Robotnik vs. hexidecimator
Thomas the Tank Engine vs. The 5th Moon of Earth
Bouncy Castle vs. T-X
Apocalypse vs. Prof. Vengeance
Ringwraith vs. Wedginator Revolution
Basket Ball vs. 100% Artificial Insecure Hypocritical guarantee
The Holy Bible vs. teapot
Miles €˜Tails€™ Prower vs. Homer Simpson
Velociraptor vs. Intense Humming of Evil
Jaina Solo vs. Sticky Popcorn Cinema Floor.
Golden Monkey vs. Shiva
Electric Guitar vs. A white swan
A mars bar vs. Mrs. Potato Head
Funky Junkie vs. A hippopotamus
Dr Ivo Robotnik vs. hexidecimator
Thomas the Tank Engine vs. The 5th Moon of Earth
Bouncy Castle vs. T-X
Apocalypse vs. Prof. Vengeance
Ringwraith vs. Wedginator Revilotion
Basket Ball vs. 100% Artificial Insecure Hypocritical guarantee
The Holy Bible vs. teapot
Miles €˜Tails€™ Prower vs. Homer Simpson
Velociraptor vs. Intense Humming of Evil
Jaina Solo vs. Sticky Popcorn Cinema Floor.
Golden Monkey vs. Shiva
Sooo... Most of the fights get written twice do they?:)
Just because I dont pay full attention to copy and paste errors...