robot wars vs battlbots chapter 1

Gravity sped through the ruins of rotterdam (for those who dont know its holland we are in) the buildings ablaze
like the mouth of a volcano after it erupts

Gravity spoke to Slicer through his chip slicer yes gravity have you evacuated the bots to london yes sir but gravity you must get out of holland now make your way to the teleportation pod which will take you to london on my way

as they lost contact slicer was welcomed by the prime minister razer
welcome to london general slicer thank you razer dont worry about gravity he'll be ok right lets get to head quarters immeadiatly to disscuss the matter against the battle bots as they got there slicer saw something he had never thought of seeing it was this huge warehouse the size of milton keyens shopping center :rofl: damn razer.. you sure know how to build a warehouse why thanks oh hydra can you knock on the door cos your the only one who knows what the password is out of all of us hydra hit its axe against the door, killertron opened the hatch and asked for the password venom ok in you lot go the door opened to reveal thousands of robot chatting and training for the up coming invasion mortis came up to razer with documents welcome back razer thanks captain mortis any new robots arrive today yes theres one in that training area on his own ill go and talk to him

he poked his head/beak :rofl: around the corner of the training room to see this spinner bot take out a whole titanium car with one smash

very impressive the spinner bot turned around thanks where did you come from ok i came from robonia when i was kicked out of university for killing an history teacher who fired his axe in my face.. so me and my father fluffy came to london when i was out at the shops some came to my house and murdered fluffy, so i was adopted by hypno disc wait you mean ambassador hypno disc yes now he has benn kidnapped whats your name o.i.d well then o.i.d come with me the robot meeting will begin soon


hope youve enjoyed chapter 1 sorry if your bot has not appeared yet

nice :) you set the seen well :) can i suggest something though? it was quite hard to read, perhaps putting different bits of speech on different lines would help?

for example:

jack, are you drinking that water? yes mum good, now eat your carrots

would be:

jack, are you drinking that water?
yes mum
good, now eat your carrots

hope this helps

jack

yes i see what you meen

chapter 2 up later today so stay tuned

Also, punctuation makes things much easier to read, and can give the reader a better idea of the mood the speaker is in.

For example.

stop it roadblock he did nothing to hurt you he is a very good robot

...

Stop it, Roadblock! He did nothing to hurt you! He is a very good robot!

Shows the anger much better than the first example.

Hope this helps also.

-Ellis